


we were just kids (when we fell in love)

by charliebradburyismyspiritanimal



Series: we are still kids (but we're so in love) [1]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: (it's a crack fic but not really), (yes it's another parley twitter fic), Author Is Sleep Deprived, But Not Pro-Team Cap, Canon Compliant, Crack Treated Seriously, Demigender Michelle Jones, Developing Relationship, Established James "Rhodey" Rhodes/Tony Stark, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Homophobic Language, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Anti-Team Cap, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Tony Stark, Pre-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Protective Peter Parker, Protective Tony Stark, Slow Burn, Social Media, Tony Stark Acting as Harley Keener's Parental Figure, Trans Peter Parker, Twitter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-06
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2019-11-12 15:35:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 34,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18013580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charliebradburyismyspiritanimal/pseuds/charliebradburyismyspiritanimal
Summary: “Peter! This is Harley. Harley, Peter.”“Holy shit.”“So you’re Tony’s other kid.”or, the parkner au-ish that no one asked for.





	1. i found a love for me

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [well done gays](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17743757) by [thesecretsoftheuniverse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesecretsoftheuniverse/pseuds/thesecretsoftheuniverse). 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey, y'all! welcome to my parley twitter fic. we parley shippers need more content, so here's my contribution to the meager pile. it's a work in progress, but i should be posting pretty regularly for the next few weeks. many thanks to my friend/beta reader [emotionaltrinityfreak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionaltrinityfreak/pseuds/emotionaltrinityfreak). you should go check out his work too!
> 
> (it only allows me to do one "inspired by," so i feel that i should mention it's also inspired by [PROOF SPIDERMAN LOVES CLICKBAIT](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16084490/chapters/37562078) and [Harley Keener, Flirting Extraordinare](https://archiveofourown.org/works/17568062/chapters/41403557). and probably some of the other parley fics. idk. i've read almost all of them.

**.--. . - . .-.**

**Wednesday, June 28, 2017**

 

**11:43 AM-the only avengers that matter**

**best avenger:** Hey kiddo, change of plans. You’re coming to the tower today instead of tomorrow, aunt hottie already approved. There’s someone I want you to meet, Happy’s gonna pick you up at about 4.

 

 **You:** okay sounds good

 

**\---**

 

“You have one new message from Tony Stark.”

 

“Thanks, Karen.”

 

**4:04 PM-the only avengers that matter**

****best avenger:**** hey

 

 **You:** hi, mr. stark   

 

 **best avenger:** 1st of all im not tony and 2nd of all u call him mr stark?1?

 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Is Tony okay? Why does someone have his phone? Fuck fuck fuck. Breathe, Peter, he’s fine, he’s fine, it’s gonna be okay, nothing happened, just breathe. Ask Karen where he is, if he’s at Stark Tower then he’s fine. (Also, who the hell is this asshole questioning why I call him Mr. Stark?)_

 

“Karen, where’s Mr. Stark?”

 

“Tony Stark is presently at Stark Tower, on the 97th floor.”

 

_Okay, see, he’s fine. Someone just has his phone. Why does someone have his phone? Oh God, what if someone broke in and stole his phone and is holding him at gunpoint right now. Ask Karen-_

 

“No one has broken into Stark Tower, Peter.” _How the hell did she know I was going to ask that? “_ It appears you are having an anxiety attack. Would you like me to call Tony Stark?”

 

_Shit, no please don’t, Mr. Stark can’t know this happens to me, I’m not weak, I’m fine, Karen._

 

“I’m fine, Karen, it’s fine.”   

 

“Okay, Peter. I would like to remind you to breathe.”

 

_Why the fuck is my A.I. so sassy?_

 

“I’m breathing, okay? I’m breathing.”

 

“Hey, kid, you okay back there?”

 

 _WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP ASKING ME THAT?_ ( _Probably because I’m not fine.)_

 

“Yeah, Happy, I’m fine. It’s fine.”

 

_Yes, exactly, it’s fine. Just text the random stranger back._

 

**4:19 PM-the only avengers that matter**

**You:** then who the hell are you and why the hell do you have his phone?

 

 ** **best avenger:**  **wow protective much? im harley

 

_Who the hell is Harley and why is he acting like I should know him?_

 

 **You:** that name means nothing to me.

 

_Wow, Peter, could you sound ANY nerdier?_

 

 ** **best avenger:**** ha okay. im basically tonys kid

 

_What the fuck? I thought I was Tony’s kid. No, I’ve never been his kid. Mr. Stark doesn’t care about me. I’m just an intern. Just a superhero for him to have on standby-fuck. Does this kid know I’m Spider-Man? (Mr. Stark probably tells him everything, fuck that.)_

 

 **You:** okay…is THAT supposed to mean something to me?

 

_Wow, Peter, great fucking response. Very obviously jealous._

 

 ** **best avenger:**** ha i like u

 ** **best avenger:**** ur mean and funny

 ** **best avenger:**** fuckin moodsvguerwuibiovb.

 

_What the fuck just happened? Did he die as he was typing? Did he have a seizure? (I hope he had a seizure.) No, never mind, that’s too mean. Did he get punched? (I hope he got punched.)_

 

 **You:** what the fuck just happened?

 

 ** **best avenger:**  **Peter, language!

 

_Okay, that’s how Mr. Stark texts. Is he back?_

 

 **You:** is that mr. stark?

 

 ** **best avenger:**  **Hey, kid, sorry about Harley, he doesn’t realize that boundaries exist. I confiscated the phone when I saw the cursing.

 

_Ha, like he doesn’t curse all the time._

 

 **You:** uh huh

 

 ** **best avenger:****  Hap says you’ll be here soon, you can talk to Harley face to face then. I’m not letting him anywhere near my phone anymore.  

 

_What if I don’t wanna talk to him face to face? He’s rude and made me think you were kidnapped and-fuck. I’m jealous. Of another kid in Mr. Stark’s life. What the fuck._

 

 **You:** okay, mr. stark.

 

“Hey, Happy?”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“Who’s Harley?”

 

“Oh, Harley! The kid’s basically a mini-Tony; Tony met him years ago during the Mandarin Incident and has pretty much been acting as his dad for ages now. I like the kid, but when he and Tony are together, there’s way too much Stark around.”

 

_See, of course you’re nothing special. You’re just an intern and a helping hand. Mr. Stark’s already got a kid. And apparently, they’re exactly alike. Even if Mr. Stark does care about you, he obviously doesn’t care enough to tell you about this kid. He’s told you about the Mandarin but he didn’t mention Harley, which means you don’t matter enough to know about his kid. Plus, Mr. Stark has known this kid for like ten years: the Mandarin happened ages ago. You’ve known Tony for one year; of course this kid is like a son to Mr. Stark. You’ve known you’re just an intern, you can’t deal with that fact now that it’s been confirmed? Suck it up._

 

“You have one new message from an unknown number. And Peter. Breathe.”

 

_I’m fucking breathing. But who has my number?_

 

“What?”

 

**4:25 PM-Unnamed Chat**

**Unknown Number:** hey its harley

 

_How the hell did he get my number? Why does he want my number? What if he’s cute-nope, not thinking that, shut up, brain, he’s off limits. I don’t like him._

 

 **Unknown Number** **:** i texted ur contact to myself from tony’s phone in case ur wonderin

 

_Oh._

 

“Karen, set contact: Harley.”

 

“Sure thing, Peter.”

 

 **harley <3: **so whats up w u

 

“Karen, delete that heart emoji or I will delete you from my phone.”

 

“Sure thing, Peter.”

 

_I hate Mr. Stark and his A.Is who are smarter than they should be. I can HEAR her fucking smirking and she HAS NO FUCKING FACE._

 

 **You:** hi?

 

 **harley:** dude y r u so awkwrd

 

_Because I don’t like talking to strangers who make me think my dad-NO NOT MY DAD WHERE DID THAT COME FROM, SHUT UP BRAIN, I AM JUST AN INTERN-got kidnapped and also ‘cause like, anxiety? Is a thing?_

 

 **You:**  i don’t like strangers.

 

 **harley:** kay

 

_Oh. He’s nice._

 

 **harley:** why

 

 **You:** i just don’t

 

 **harley:** kay

 **harley:** so tony says u like star wars

 

 **You:** yeah

 

 **harley:** i wanna build lightsabers and tony says ur like

 **harley:** really fuckin smart

 

_Oh. Oh my God. He did? Holy fucking shit. Tony Stark called me smart. (Also, lightsabers?? Maybe Harley isn’t so bad.)_

 

 ** **You:**** he did???

 

_Fuck, Peter, why did you add so many question marks? You sound so fucking desperate._

 

 **harley:** uh yeah

 **harley:** ur like all hes been talking about he thinks ur a genius or smth

 

_Oh my fucking God._

 

 **You:** really??>

 

“You have one new message from Tony Stark.”

 

**4:30 PM-the only avengers that matter**

****best avenger:**** Um, kid, why is Harley saying that you think I don’t think you’re smart?

 

“Holy fuck!”

 

“Kid, you can’t just say things like that while I’m driving!”

 

“Sorry, Happy.”

 

_Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck holyfuckholyfuckholyfuckholyfuck._

 

 ** **You:**** uh

 ** **You:**** cause i didn’t think you did

 

 ** **best avenger:**** Kid, you’re a genius and possibly one of the smartest people I know.

 

_Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God._

 

“You have one new message from Tony Stark.”

 

**4:41 PM-the only avengers that matter**

****best avenger:**** Kiddo?

 

 ** **You:**** yeah, mr. stark?

 

 ** **best avenger:****  You kinda went radio silent there.

 

 ******You:****** uh huh

 

_Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God._

 

 ** ** ** ** ** ** ** ** **best avenger:****************** You good?

 

 ** ** **You:****** uh huh

 

 ** ** **best avenger:****** Okay…

 

“Hey, kid, we’re here.”

 

_Tony Stark thinks I’m one of the smartest people he’s met. He’s met Bruce fucking Banner. He’s met Helen fucking Cho._

 

“O-okay.”

 

“FRIDAY, lock the car and open elevator, please.”

 

“Hello, Peter, Mr. Hogan.”

 

“Hey, FRI.”

 

_Oh my God._

 

“97th floor for the kid, FRIDAY, and 38 for me...Hey kid, you okay?”

 

“Mr. Stark thinks I’m smart.”

 

“Ha, that’s what spooked you in the car? Kid, Tony thinks you’re a goddamn genius.”

 

“Happy?

 

“Yes?”

 

“Please stop talking. You’re gonna give me a heart attack.”

 

“Heh. Sure thing, kid.”  

 

“We’ve reached floor 38, Mr. Hogan.”

 

“Thanks, FRI.”

 

_40, 47, 52, 58, 63, 67, 75, 81, 89, 91, 97._

 

“We’ve reached floor 97, Peter.”

 

“Thanks, FRIDAY.”

 

_Okay. There’s Tony. Those are the schematics for the Mach 63 for the Iron Man armor. And that blond kid-Oh my God. That’s Harley. Oh my God. He’s blond. (Like Thor.) Shut UP, brain. Okay, Tony’s looking up._

 

“Peter! This is Harley. Harley, Peter.”

 

_Holy shit._

 

“Holy shit.”

 

_Oh, fuck, did I say that out loud?_

 

“So you’re Tony’s other kid.”

 

_His smile makes me want to jump out a window, holy fuck. How is he the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen? His eyes are so fucking blue. He’s still smiling at me, holy fucking shit. I cannot fucking breathe. How does someone like him fucking exist? How is this even possible? I really hope I’m not blushing. I can feel myself blushing. FUCK. (Did he say Tony’s ‘other kid?’ Am I Mr. Stark’s kid?) Jesus fuck, nothing matters right now except his smile. I feel so yellow. I need to tell Karen to put that heart back on his contact name. His hair looks so soft. I wanna run my hands through it. And then jump out a window because his smile is blinding and he’s still smiling at me and-oh. He stopped. He’s saying something. Why can’t I hear him?_

 

“Peter? Hey, Peter, are you okay?”

 

 _Fuck, his eyes are so fucking blue._  

 

“What?"  _Jesus Christ, I’m blushing so hard. (Hide hands in sleeves, sweater-paws are good right now.) I can’t breathe. He’s so beautiful._ “Oh, yeah. I’m fine. It’s fine. I just-um. I just zoned out.”

 

“While staring into my kid’s eyes for a full minute.”

 

_Mr. Stark didn’t say that loud enough for Harley to hear. He knew I could hear it. Fucking super hearing. I hate him so much right now. I hope he can feel the fact that I want him dead. I’m glaring so hard right now, my face is so red, Jesus fuck-Mr. Stark fucking winked. Oh my God. He knows._

 

“Okay, ya sure?”

 

_Oh my fucking God, I can’t. I fucking cannot. He’s touching me. He touched. My elbow. He wants me to sit down. Oh my God. He’s a fucking gentleman. He’s touching me. Holy fuck. I’m so gay._

 

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

 

“He’s also not a baby, Harls. He’s fine.”

 

“I’m sorry that I want to make sure that this extremely cute boy is okay.”

 

_Did he-oh my God. He just called me cute. Holy fuck, he called me cute. (He called me a boy!)_

 

“Uh-um. That’s not-no. I just-”

 

_Peter, use your fucking words._

 

“Mr. Stark, can I talk to you?”

 

_What the fuck, Peter. Why did you fucking say that? Now Harley’s gonna think-_

 

“Yeah, sure, kid. Harley, go upstairs or something, give me some time with my favorite.”

 

_Oh my God, I’m Mr. Stark’s favorite._

 

“Hey! I thought I was your favorite!”

 

_Why is Harley looking at me like that? What was that? Is he jealous? Why did he look sad?_

 

“Yeah, sure you are.”

 

“Fine, yeah. I’ll go. Nice to meet you…Peter.”

 

_Oh my God. He touched my shoulder. Was he flirting with me? No. No way. Why would HE flirt with ME? He’s so beautiful. He touched my shoulder. I feel like I’m gonna spontaneously combust. I want to throw myself off a bridge._

 

“Okay, kiddo, what’s up? Besides the fact that you want Harley to fuck you.”

 

_SKSJJDJDJDJSJSJJDJSJDJ OH MY GOD. DID HE JUST SAY-_

 

“Mr. Stark, oh my God, no, why would you-no that’s not-I mean-”  

 

_HOLY FUCK._

 

“Relax, kid, it’s okay. Harley can’t tell.”

 

_Yes, that is good. But that’s not-_

 

“That’s not why I freaked out, Mr. Stark. I mean, you’re basically a fa-” _ABORT ABORT ABORT ABORT_ “-I mean, you’re like a mentor to me, and you talking about how I want Harley to… _that…_ is awkward.”

 

_Like. Really fucking awkward. Holy fuck._

 

“Peter…you think I’m a father figure?”

 

_Oh no. Fuck. No. Jesus Christ. Crap crap crap crap._

 

“Haha, no, I think of you as a bother figure, ‘cause you’re always bothering me.”

 

“Peter…”

 

_Humor isn’t gonna fly right now. Okay. Cool. Great. Cool cool cool cool cool._

 

“I-uh-I don’t-”

 

“Pete, stop looking towards the door. You don’t have to leave. Please, don’t leave, kiddo. We don’t have to talk about this anymore, okay?

 

“No!” _Fuck._ “No, uh-I want to talk about it….So, I mean…yeah? I do? You’ve done so much for me, and you’re actually there for me, and-oof-”

 

_Mr. Stark is hugging me. Okay. Okay? Yeah. This is happening. Okay. Is he crying? No, absolutely not. Tony Stark does not cry. Holy fuck, Tony Stark is crying._

 

“Hey, kid?”

 

“Yeah, Mr. Stark?”

 

“Okay, number one, you need to call me Tony after…all that. Uh, number two, I, uh. I love you and um-I’m proud to call you my kid.”

 

_Holy shit._

 

“Oh. Um. Oh. I, uh, I love you too, Mr-Tony.”

 

“Ha. Yeah, you’ll get there. Okay. Okay. That’s enough emotions for one day. What did you need to talk to me about?”

 

“Um. Does Harley know that I’m Spider-Man?”

 

“No, he doesn’t.”

 

_Really? Okay._

 

“Oh. Okay.”

 

“Why did you think he did?”

“I just thought-’cause the two of you seem so close-just that, maybe, you might’ve-”

 

“Pete, I would never tell anyone your identity. It’s for you to share with who you trust.”

 

“Oh. Okay. Thanks, Mr-Tony.”

 

“Speaking of, Aunt Hottie says someone else knows?”

 

_Gross, ‘Aunt Hottie.’_

 

“Oh, yeah, um, my friend MJ found out. She’s smart, so it was pretty easy for her to figure it out. I think she’s known for ages, honestly.”        

 

“Uh-huh.”

 

_Stop smirking at me. I know I have issues with keeping my secret identity secret. It’s a thing. I’m working on it._

 

“Um, so, how long is Harley gonna be here?”

 

_Yeah, Peter, that was so fucking casual. Look at his face. He fucking knows._

 

“I dunno, a couple months?” _MONTHS?_ “He might decide to stay longer, his mom knows he has more opportunities here. He might be here when school starts again, in which case, I’ll probably send him to Midtown.”

 

_Oh my God, that’s my school. Harley would be going to my school._

 

“Yeah. Okay. Cool, cool, cool.”

 

“Pete?”

 

“Huh, what?”

 

_Do not ask me about Harley, please don’t ask me about Harley._

 

“You got your suit?” _Yup._ “Good, I wanna work on an update for the web-shooters.”

 

_Thank fucking God._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a new style of writing for me, i hope y'all enjoyed!
> 
> i thrive on comments and kudos, so...?
> 
> come yell at me on instagram? @angxlsgrxce


	2. [drink your appreciating women juice]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_
> 
> This is your daily reminder to appreciate the women in your life. They do everything, and I mean EVERYTHING.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy international women's day! (ALSO I JUST SAW CAPTAIN MARVEL AND KSHFKJBKJGH GUYS IT'S AMAZING)

**Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

This is your daily reminder to appreciate the women in your life. They do everything, and I mean EVERYTHING.

 

 **BI BI BI** _@allbimyself_

 **@IAmIronMan** did you,,,Do something that pepper had to fix or something ??

 

 **tony has all my uwus** _@IAmIronStan_

 **@IAmIronMan** tony’s established many times that he’s a feminist, we’re all aware of that (I stan one (1) hero), but this tweet has the energy of someone atoning for their sins skjdjdjd

 

 **nothing can stahp me** _@livingmybestlife_

 **@IAmIronMan** We love a supportive superhero but there’s gotta be a reason for this

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@allbimyself @IAmIronStan @livingmybestlife** Can’t I just appreciate the best people in my life?

 

 **Pepper Potts** _@PepperPotts_

 **@IAmIronMan** Tony, tell them what you did.

 

 **James Rhodes** _@Rhodey_

 **@IAmIronMan** Yeah Tones, fess up.

 

 **lizzie**   _@ZenBear_

 **@Rhodey** tony’s husband throwing him under the bus is a whole mood

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@Rhodey** I don’t appreciate this, platypus

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

But ugh, fine I’ll tell them

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

I was late to a board meeting because of reasons, and when I got there and they were frustrated, I may have insinuated that what I was doing was 10000 times more important than the meeting (which it was) and they got Mad so Pep had to calm them down and she is still Frustrated

 

 **nothing can stahp me** _@livingmybestlife_

 **@IAmIronMan** I know he’s probably not telling us what he was doing cause it’s classified or some shit but really it just sounds like he was with **@Rhodey** if ya know what I mean ;)))

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@livingmybestlife** CHRIST NO

 

 **James Rhodes** _@Rhodey_

 **@IAmIronMan** …

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@Rhodey** Now my reaction sounds like I’m disgusted, I promise I’m not, honeybear. But when I think about what I was actually doing and compare it with that, it’s very disgusting

 

 **ben** _@benthebi_

 **@IAmIronMan** alabama tell us

 

 **ben** _@benthebi_

 **@benthebi** OMG I TRIED TO KEYSMASH AND THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED I CAN’T PLS KILL ME NOW

 

 **ben** _@benthebi_

 **@benthebi @IAmIronMan** but like really can u tell us?

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@benthebi** No, I cannot.

 

 **nothing can stahp me** _@livingmybestlife_

 **@IAmIronMan** Guys its such a mystery we gotta get **@BuzzfeedUnsolved** on the case

 

 **ben** _@benthebi_

 **@livingmybestlife** OMG YES

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i will still be posting real chapters every tuesday, but every weekend i'll probably post a little twitter thing like this to start getting it integrated into the story. (BONUS: if anyone can guess what tony was doing will get their username as a twitter username, or anyone who gets close)
> 
> i hope y'all enjoyed ! 
> 
> come yell at me on instagram? @angxlsgrxce


	3. darling, just dive right in

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **6:43 PM-the mechanics**  
>  **You:** hey tony  
>  **You:** u might not want to come down to lab 7b anytime soon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! officially chapter two, technically chapter three. i hope y'all like it!

**.... .- .-. .-.. . -.--**

**Wednesday, June 28, 2017**

 

_Stupid fucking Harley, fallin’ for a straight guy. He looked so uncomfortable when you called him cute, why the fuck did you keep flirting? He obviously wanted to talk to Tony to tell him you made him uncomfortable, he said he didn’t like strangers, you’re a stranger who fucking flirted with him, HE’S STRAIGHT. He’s so cute though. It’s fine. It’s fine. He obviously just wants to be friends. We can be friends._

 

“Yeah. Friends. Great.”

 

“Harley, we’ve reached floor 98.”

 

“Oh, yeah. Thanks FRI.”

 

**4:56 PM-gay disasters**

**You:** hey dork

 

**ab-bi-e:** Hey nerd

**ab-bi-e:** Thanks for checkin in, i’m still a piece of gArbAge

 

**You:** same

**You:** ive got a problemo

 

**ab-bi-e:** Plz don’t tell me ur in love with a hetero guy

 

_How the fuck?_

 

**You:** wtf abbie

**You:** how tf did u kno that

**You:** but im not in love with him

**You:** hes just rly cute

**You:** but not interested

**You:** its fine

 

_Absolutely fine._

 

**ab-bi-e:** Yeah u seem totally fine…

 

**You:** leave mea lone

**You:** ur rude

 

**ab-bi-e:** uh huh

**ab-bi-e:** so what r u gonna do

 

**You:** ignore it

**You:** ill keep all my emotions right here

 

**ab-bi-e:** AND THEN ONE DAY YOULL DIE

 

**You:** sdjhkkdshfg yeah

 

**ab-bi-e:** Ok harley

**ab-bi-e:** Good luck with that

 

**You:** i feel attacked

 

**ab-bi-e:** u came out to have a good time and ur honestly feeling so attacked rn?

 

**You:** die

**You:** along w that meme

**You:** its dead abbie

**You:** u cant bring it back

**You:** so perish w it

 

**ab-bi-e:** Right back at u :)

 

**You:** yeah okay

**You:** how’s mom?

 

**ab-bi-e:** Shes fine, i think its easier for her wthout u here

 

_Oh. Of course it is. Yeah, Harley, you’re just a burden. She pawned you off on Tony to get rid of you. You’re just trouble and she wants you gone._

 

**ab-bi-e:** That’s not what i meant and u know it harley

**ab-bi-e:** Harley?

**ab-bi-e:** I’m sorry

**ab-bi-e:** I shouldntve said that

 

**You:** tony needs me in the lab, i gtg

 

_Liar. You’re a burden to Tony too. He doesn’t want you here either. He obviously replaced you with Peter. No one actually wants you around. You’re just an obligation. It’s easier for everyone without you. You just bring everyone around you down with you. You’re destroying their lives. You don’t deserve everything Tony’s given you. He doesn’t even like you. He just wants you out. No one wants you in their life. You’re a failu-_

 

“Harls, you okay, bud?”

 

_Fuck. Tony. Stop crying, don’t let him see you cry._

 

“Yeah. I’m fine.”

 

“FRIDAY, is the kid okay?”

 

_Fuck fuck fuck, FRIDAY, please tell him I’m fine. Please please please please-_

 

“Harley appears to be displaying symptoms of an anxiety attack.”

 

“Oh, come on, FRIDAY!”

 

_It’s okay, just breathe._

 

“Hey, kid, don’t kill the messenger. Breathe, okay? In, two three, out, two, three.”

 

_It’s okay. Tony’s had anxiety attacks in front of you before. It’s okay to show weakness. It’s not a bad thing. Breathe. You’re allowed to cry. (He’s still telling me to breathe, how long has that been going on for?)_

 

“Okay, kiddo, that’s good. Better. You good? Okay. I want to know when you feel like this, okay? You’re my ki-” _Take that, intrusive thoughts. I’m his fucking kid._ “I mean-I care about you a lot, okay?”

 

“Yeah okay, Dad.”

 

“Did you just-”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Were you joking? ‘Cause I said you were my…kid?”

 

“Kinda? But…no.”

 

“Jesus Christ. Now I have two.” ‘ _Two what?’_ “This is way too many emotions for me to deal with, I need a break from you kids.” _Two kids?_ “I’ve got to get to a board meeting that I’m very late to, you good for now, Harley?”

 

_Mostly. Kinda feel like I wanna throw up, though._

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“Alright then. Bye, Pete. Keep an eye on him, okay?”

 

_Wait. Did he say-Is Peter, the very cute straight guy, in my fucking room right now? And did he just tell him to keep an eye on me?? What the hell, Tony? Was I not supposed to hear that?_

 

“Bye Mr-Tony.”

 

_Oh my Jesus fuck. ‘Mr Tony.’ That was adorable. Stay calm. Don’t flirt. It’s fine. Smile. Don’t flirt._

 

“Hiya, Peter.”

 

“Um. Hey.”   _Fuck, he’s blushing. Fuck, he’s cute._ “So, um. Are you okay?” _Oh shit. He saw that. He fucking saw me havin’ a fucking anxiety attack._ “Woah, it’s okay. Breathe, okay?” _He’s fucking touchin’ me._ “I just-I’m not judging you. I-I get it.”

 

_Oh._

 

“No, yeah. I’m fine. It’s fine.”

 

_Brush him off, stand up, you’re fine._

 

“Okay. Uh, how did, uh, Tony, know how to help?”   

 

_Peter doesn’t know?_

 

“You don’t know?” _That sounded rude, Harley, dial it back._ “Sorry, that came off rude. It’s just-Tony has anxiety. And depression. And PTSD. I’m guessing ya knew those last two. He has anxiety attacks. He’s-” _Broken? Like you?_ “Human. When I met him, during the Mandarin thing, I accidentally triggered him. He had a panic attack in front of me. Mentioning what happened in New York, portals, aliens; they trigger him. I’m also guessing ya haven’t mentioned those things around him?”

 

“No. I sorta, um, guessed they were a topic to avoid? Just like the Rogues. And Siberia?”

 

_Siberia? What’s Siberia?_

 

“What happened in Siberia, Peter?”

 

“Oh. Fuck. He didn’t-Tony didn’t-”

 

“Tell me? No. He didn’t.”

 

_Why the fuck is he looking at me like that?_

 

“I don’t-I can’t tell you.”

 

_Why the hell not?_

 

“Why the hell not?”  

 

“Um. Well.”

 

“Yeah? Spit it out?”

 

“Because it terrifies me to talk about it!” _Oh. Fuck. You pressed too hard, Harley, fucking idiot._ “It just-Tony almost died that day. It was scary. Really, really scary. I almost-I almost never got to know him.”

 

_Fuck. He’s crying. What the fuck do I do? (FUCKING HUG HIM, YOU IDIOT.) Holy shit, he’s muscular. Fuck. He’s crying harder now. (HUG HIM TIGHTER, HARLEY.)_

 

“Hey, I’m sorry. It’s okay. Shh, it’s okay.”  

 

“Uh. Yeah. Thank you.”

 

_Let go of him, Harley. He wants you to let go of him._

 

“Yeah. No problem. Maybe we shouldn’t talk about, uh, emotional things anymore?”

 

“That’s probably best.”

 

“Ha, yeah.”

 

_His eyes are like melted chocolate and coffee. Fuck._     

 

“So, um. You mentioned lightsabers?”

 

“Hell yeah.”

 

**\---**

 

**6:43 PM-the mechanics**

**You:** hey tony

**You:** u might not want to come down to lab 7b anytime soon

 

**iron dad 1:** What the hell did you do kid?

**iron dad 1: :** *heck, I meant heck

**iron dad 1:** Also, aren’t there interns in 7B?

 

**You:** yeah there were but they all leave at 5

 

**iron dad 1:** Okay

**iron dad 1:** So what did you do?

 

**You:** well it was also peter

 

“Hey! It was not my fault! You were the one who touched something you shouldn’t have! I told you not to! Tony’s pet projects are highly dangerous and should be avoided at all costs!”

 

_He’s cute when he’s flustered. His hands are all hidden in his sleeves and shit, that’s so cute._

 

“No, ya said, and I quote, ‘eh, it’s one of Mr. Tony’s things, probably dangerous but you’ll be fine.’” _Oh, he knew it was dangerous and he let me touch it anyway._ “Gasp!”

 

“Did you just say ‘gasp’ out loud?”

 

“Yes, I did, ‘cause I’m a dramatic bitch. But ya said it was dangerous!”

 

“That’s what I’ve been telling you-”

 

“And ya let me touch it anyway! You were trying to get me killed, Parker!”

 

“How the hell did you get that from me trying to stop you? Also, how do you know my last name?”

 

_Oh crap. Do not say you looked him up, Harley. Don’t fucking say it._

 

“Um. I looked you up? In the SI database?”

 

_Holy fuck he’s blushing. And fidgeting. And hiding his hands in his sleeves. He has fucking sweater-paws. That’s adorable. Aaaand he’s moving away. See, he thinks you’re a stalker. Way to go._

 

“Wh-I-what?”

 

“Yup! Anyway, moving on!”

 

**iron dad 1:** Don’t blame Peter, you’re the bad influence there.

 

“Yeah, you’re the bad influence, Harley!”

 

“Hey!”

 

**iron dad 1:** So what did you do?

 

**You:** we may or may not “We definitely did.” have blown somethin up?

 

“Shut up, Peter.”

 

_Don’t shut up, Peter._

 

“I maintain that this is your fault, and I will tell Tony that.”

 

“Uh huh. Yeah. Sure. You do that.”

 

_So the arc tech would go there-_

 

“Peter, are ya sure the arc reactor would work the way we wanted it to if we put it there?”

 

“Yeah, definitely. We want the blast to come out of the top but also sustain its shape as a blade instead of leaving the handle. So, we use the same material Tony uses for suits, and also a magnet to create a field to make the blast into a saber. Boom, lightsaber.”

 

_Fuck, he’s smart. Smarter than me. Definitely smarter than me. He could do this in his sleep, and he’s obviously been thinking about it for ages, he made these blueprints in like 10 minutes. God fucking dammit, he’s a genius._

 

“So now we just gotta get Tony to let us use his arc tech.”

 

“And the titanium alloy.”

 

“Nah, I figured we’d just melt down one of his suits.”

 

_Cute smile. Really cute smile. And the smile has faded. Why-_

 

“Melt down one of my whats?”

 

_Oh. Tony’s here now. Crap._

 

“Oh shit, Harley.”

 

“Language, Pete. And what were you gonna do to my suit, Harls?”

 

_‘Oh shit’ is right._   

 

“Ya know. Melt it down?”

 

“So you want to break their fingers off _and_ melt them down? That’s cold, kiddo.”

 

“To be fair, the finger thing was an accident and ten-year-old me did not mean to do it.”  

 

“You were twelve. Don’t try to escape the fact that you meant him harm.”

 

“You’ve broken his suits before?”

 

“One suit, Peter! Singular! And it was just the finger! I feel ganged up on.”

 

“You came out to have a good time and you’re honestly feeling so attacked right now?”

 

_Oh. My. God. (Abbie can’t revive it but Peter definitely can.)_

 

“What does that even MEAN, Pete?”

 

“Uh. It’s uh-SCATTER!”

 

_Fucking marry me, Parker._  

 

“What? Peter, Harley, get the fuck back here!”

 

“You’ve thrown him off his rhythm!”

 

“STREET SMARTS!”

 

**\---**

 

**11:48 PM-Unnamed Chat**

**[You renamed the chat: the stark home for teenage geniuses]**

 

**You:** u think tony would notice if we went to the lab now?

 

**cute genius:** nice name

**cute genius:** also why are you texting me our rooms are right next to each other?

 

**You:** u say right next to when in reality theyre like a mile apart

**You:** these rooms are fuckin giant

**You:** so its easier

**You:** and answer the question u weakling

 

**cute genius:** he probably wouldn’t but fri would

 

**FRIDAY:** That is absolutely correct, Peter.

 

**cute genius:** how the fuck?

 

**You:** what the shit

 

**FRIDAY:** I’m everywhere, little bosses. And Boss informed me that Lab 7B is completely off-limits to you two, quote, “as of five years ago.”

 

**cute genius:** why 5 years?

 

**You:** thats when i met him

**You:** rude

 

**[cute genius has added Unknown Number to the stark home for teenage geniuses]**

 

_Who did he just add?_

 

**FRIDAY:** I will leave you two to

 

_Oh my fuckin’ God, she fuckin’ dead._

 

**You:** um

**You:** why’d she stop

 

**cute genius:** i hacked her out. not me,,,technically

**cute genius:** it was my friend

 

**Unknown Number:** Sup dudes

**Unknown Number:** Its ur guy in the chair

 

**cute genius:** okay, bye ned, love you

 

_Oh. Maybe he already has a boyfriend. That’s why he was upset with you flirting with him. ‘Cause he’s already fucking dating someone._

 

**[cute genius has removed Unknown Number from the stark home for teenage geniuses]**

 

**You:** who was that

 

_Super subtle, Harley. fucking great._

 

**cute genius:** my friend, ned

**cute genius:** he’s a hacker

**cute genius:** he hacked the stark suit once, i figured he could hack friday, get her out of our business

 

_The Stark Suit? What? Where the fuck have I heard that before?_

 

**cute genius:** that’s not what i meant to say, i meant stark tech, not stark suit

**cute genius:** my phone’s being glitchy, sorry

**cute genius:** autocorrect am i right?

 

_He’s hidin’ something, and not very well. He’s an awful liar. (Cute.) What the heckity heck is the Stark Suit?_

 

**cute genius:** uh

**cute genius:** are you still there?

 

_It’s fine. You can figure out what the Stark Suit is later. Just let him fucking breathe._

 

**You:** yeah okay

**You:** autocorrect sucks

**You:** back to the lightsabers

 

**cute genius:** ha yeah okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, what'd you think? i thrive on comments and kudos, so...
> 
> come yell at me on instagram? @angxlsgrxce


	4. [the civil war?]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Thor Stan** _@Mj_olnir_  
>  Guys, random thought. What do we even know about what when down with the Avengers last year?

**Thor Stan** _@Mj_olnir_

Guys, random thought. What do we even know about what when down with the Avengers last year?

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@Mj_olnir** okay, let’s start at the beginning then. during what happened with sokovia, hulk/bruce banner disappeared, and thor left pretty much soon after

 

 **fight me** _@ineedsleep_

 **@ZenBear** oh so we’re like actually doing this

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@ineedsleep** absolutely. then, early last may, lagos happened, and about a week later the sokovia accords got introduced to the avengers, even though they'd been in creation since sokovia. then, the UN conference/signing was announced

 

 **s M a S h** _@imgonnaSMASHit_

 **@ZenBear** Holy fuck u know your stuff

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@imgonnaSMASHit** i’m not gonna lie, i have done a lot of research

 

 **fight me** _@ineedsleep_

 **@ZenBear** and then the UN conference got bombed by someone we thought was james barnes (but he was actually framed? but also it turns out he was an assassin for hydra?)

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@ineedsleep** exactly. supposedly he was brainwashed; he definitely was framed for the bombing, we don’t actually know about the other stuff. anyway, after the bombing, barnes went on the run, cuz he was being chased by another superhero in a panther suit?

 

 **Toit** _@StreetSmorts_

 **@ZenBear** Then Cap showed up and tried to help him out with Falcon, they all got caught by some type of feds

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@StreetSmorts** actually (i’m looking at my binder right now), i think those two were with barnes in bucharest originally, and then panther dude showed up, and THEN the feds got them

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@StreetSmorts** (the feds showed up cuz cap and falcon were still superheroing without having signed the accords. and remember how forced retirement was threatened if they didn’t sign? yeah. that’s why)

 

 **s M a S h** _@imgonnaSMASHit_

 **@ZenBear** Then we dont really kno what happend until the germany thing, right?

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@imgonnaSMASHit** yeah (there might have been something with a helicopter and cap? i’m really not sure) but a few days after the stuff in bucharest, suddenly the avengers are split (?????) and thEy wErE fiGhTiNG eAcH oThER aT aN aIRPoRt.

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@imgonnaSMASHit** team 1 (iron man, black widow, panther guy, spider-man, the vision, war machine) and team 2 (cap, barnes, scarlet witch, hawkeye, some giant dude)

 

 **Thor Stan** _@Mj_olnir_

 **@ZenBear** Rhodey’s suit got damaged and he fell, right? So Cap and Co. escaped to who knows where, Stark disappeared for a week, and when he showed back up in the media, he had some bad injuries?

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@Mj_olnir** basically, i think. but i believe that only cap and barnes got away from the airport, and the rest of team 2 got taken to some holding facility? that’s where my research got harder cuz the government covers stuff up GOOD.

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@Mj_olnir** but i believe that all/most of team 2 eventually got out and are currently still fighting hydra (etc) cuz people have seen cap and widow (i guess she switched sides?) out and fighting in europe/not the us. scarlet witch has been spotted a couple times with them too. hawkeye is ?? giant dude is ?? barnes is ??

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@Mj_olnir** anyway, i don’t fully know. the stuff you said about tony is right, and rhodey got paralyzed too.

 

 **jake** _@jakeyboy_

Can we just give 40797985641097568283209859732 claps to **@ZenBear** please?

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@jakeyboy** *blushes*

 

 **Thor Stan** _@Mj_olnir_

 **@ZenBear** No joke, that was the most impressive thing I’ve seen. I can’t believe you have binders on this stuff.

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@Mj_olnir** i like my research :)

 

 **fight me** _@ineedsleep_

 **@ZenBear** BUT THIS JUST BRINGS UP SO MANY QUESTIONS. WHO IS PANTHER GUY? WHY WAS HE CHASING BARNES? WHY DID TEAM 2 EVEN GET ARRESTED? AND WHY THE FUCK WERE THEY FIGHTING IN AN AIRPORT?

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@ineedsleep** team 2 got arrested because they weren’t signing. the whole split was pro-accords (team 1) vs. anti-accords (team 2) anyway, so it would make sense that team 2 got arrested cuz they were still superheroing without the signage

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@ineedsleep** no clue who panther guy is (but he showed up right after the un bombing so start the conspiracy theories). there have been sightings of someone in a panther suit over the years, but those are all very hush hush.

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@ineedsleep** my next binder is gonna be devoted to finding out who he is, cuz going over it now, i’m intrigued

 

 **jake** _@jakeyboy_

 **@ZenBear** And Im scared…This is so impressive

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really hope y'all enjoyed, cause this was actually way harder than i thought it was gonna be to write. i wanted y'all to know what the general public in the mcu knows about the civil war, but then i actually had to figure out what the general public in the mcu knows about the civil war. we know everything, they know...not everything. 
> 
> anyway, hope you guys liked it!
> 
> i thrive on comments and kudos so...
> 
> come yell at me on instagram? @angxlsgrxce


	5. and follow my lead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **11:53 PM-NERDVENGERS**  
>  **my guy in the chair:** MJ MJ MJ  
>  **my guy in the chair:** Peter has a cruuush  
> 

**.--. . - . .-.**

**Wednesday, June 28, 2017**

 

**11:53 PM-NERDVENGERS**

**my guy in the chair:** MJ MJ MJ

**my guy in the chair:** mj rn, yes? and [pink heart emoji] or [yellow heart emoji]?

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** you better have a fucking reason for waking me up.

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** and yes, mj right now [yellow heart emoji]

 

**You:** oh please like you were asleep

 

**my guy in the chair:** Nvm that

**my guy in the chair:** Peter has a cruuush

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** oh, really parker?

 

**You:** SKJFSSKGHI SHUT THE FUCK UP NED

 

**my guy in the chair:** Dude ur contact name for him is literally harley <3 uwu

 

_Oh, shit. He’s right._

 

**my guy in the chair:** Not the uwu part

**my guy in the chair:** I added that

**my guy in the chair:** Uwu

 

**You:** fuck you and your uwus

**You:** and karen added that heart

 

_Yeah, and I totally didn’t delete it and then add it back. Not at all._

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** uh huh. sure jan

 

**You:** mj no

 

**my guy in the chair:** MJ YES

**my guy in the chair:** Peter ur texting him right now arent u

**my guy in the chair:** Peterrrrrrrr

**my guy in the chair:** …

**my guy in the chair:** MJ see how long it takes for him to respond while hes texting his new boy toy

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** timer started

 

**11:56 PM-the stark home for teenage geniuses**

**harley <3: **who was that

 

**You:** my friend, ned

**You:** he’s a hacker

**You:** he hacked the stark suit once, i figured he could hack friday, get her out of our business

 

_Fuck fuck fuck, Peter, why the hell did you say Stark Suit. He caught it, he obviously saw it. Did he get it? He hasn’t said anything. But what if he knows? Is it really that big a deal if he knows? Tony trusts him, it would probably make him like you (SHUT THE FUCK UP, BRAIN.) and it really isn’t that bad? Right? But he could totally use it against you. What if someone kidnaps him and used him to get to you? YOU HAVE A SECRET IDENTITY FOR A REASON AND TOO MANY PEOPLE KNOW ALREADY. It’s fine, just brush it off._

 

**You:** that’s not what i meant to say, i meant stark tech, not stark suit

**You:** my phone’s being glitchy, sorry

**You:** autocorrect am i right?

 

_Aaaaand he’s not responding. He knows. Fuck, he knows._

 

**You:** uh

**You:** are you still there?

 

_‘Cause that didn’t sound suspicious at fucking all, Peter._

 

**harley <3: **yeah okay

**harley <3: **autocorrect sucks

**harley <3: **back to the lightsabers

 

**You:** ha yeah okay

 

_See? Fine. All good._

 

**12:01 AM-NERDVENGERS**

**my guy in the chair:** Peter whered the fuck u go

 

**You:** FUCK YOU HE’S NOT MY BOY TOY

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** 5 minutes, 39 seconds

 

**my guy in the chair:** U IGNORED US FOR ALMOST 6 WHOLE MINS PETER

**my guy in the chair:** IM HURT

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** yeah. same. ouch.

 

**You:** i was dealing with a crisis

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** the crisis of your gayness

 

**You:** first of all, **bi-ness thank you very much

 

**my guy in the chair:** BIDERMAN, BIDERMAN

**my guy in the chair:** DOES WUTEVR A BI MAN CAN

 

_The best theme song, my thanks go out to whoever on Tumblr that made the original one. (I should probably figure out who that was.)_

 

**You:** ^^^yeah uh huh

**You:** secondly, no

**You:** although my bi-ness might have been a factor in why i said what i said

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** what the fuck did you say, parker?

 

**You:** _[screenshot.jpeg]_

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** YOU FUCKING IDIOT

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** YOU MENTIONED THE STARK SUIT™️

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** YOU BI DISASTER

 

_Yeah, yikes._

 

**my guy in the chair:** Dude u made MJ mad

**my guy in the chair:** I didn’t even know u could do that

**my guy in the chair:** U fucked up a perfectly good MJ is what u did

**my guy in the chair:** Look at them

**my guy in the chair:** Theyre writing in all caps

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** shut up, leeds

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** but peter. seriously? what the hell, dude

 

**my guy in the chair:** Yeah Peter not ur best decision

 

**You:** I WAS DISTRACTED OKAY?

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** with what?

 

_Definitely not Harley._

 

**You:** …

 

**my guy in the chair:** Smth to do with his very bi crush obv

 

**You:** i was trying to figure out how the fuck to explain ned to him

**my guy in the chair:** Peter I love u but what does that even mEAN

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** peter said “bye ned, LOVE YOU” emphasis on the love you part

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** he obviously was trying to figure out how to answer harley’s question without making the guy think he’s dating ned

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** which you did actually pretty well

 

_Aw, they complimented me._

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT YOU ALMOST GAVE AWAY YOUR SECRET IDENTITY

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** harley apparently doesn’t realize we’re in the age of mlm without it being romantic

 

_Very true._

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** like come on

 

**my guy in the chair:** Oh that makes sense

**my guy in the chair:** Oof

 

**You:** yeah oof is right

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** i mean, cmon, we’re so done with toxic masculinity around here and men not being able to show their feelings and just fucking cry. if i said “love you” to a female friend of mine and someone saw without realizing i was actually queer, they would assume platonic-ness, so why can’t we fucking do that with men? toxic masculinity? i don’t know her.

 

_Social justice warrior MJ is the best MJ._

 

**my guy in the chair:** P R E A C H

 

**You:** GO MJ YES

 

**my guy in the chair:** UR DOING AMAZING SWEETIE

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]** : ned, if you call me sweetie again, even for the sake of a meme, i will rip your hair off

 

**You:** WIG SNATCHED

 

**my guy in the chair:** SKJSGUBRUGBJB

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** i hate you, peter

 

**You:** :(

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** ...

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** :|

 

**You:** okay i gotta go

**You:** tony is shutting down everything involving tech if me and harley don’t go to bed in the next 10 mins

 

**my guy in the chair:** Oof gn

**my guy in the chair:** Have fun with ur boy toy

 

_I’m just gonna ignore it at this point. Phone off now, I guess._

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** night

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** ned, did you notice he called him tony?

 

**my guy in the chair:** OFC

**my guy in the chair:** WHEN HE GETS BACK: T E A

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** you are the worst.

 

**my guy in the chair:** But u luv me :)

 

**\---**

 

**12:01 AM-the stark home for teenage geniuses**

**harley <3: **which lab do we use

 

**You:** not 7b?

 

**harley <3: **obv, parker

 

_Fuck. That really shouldn’t cause butterflies. MJ calls me ‘Parker’ all the time, but when Harley does it, instant blushfest? Nu-uh. Stop it, Peter. Don’t do the face-hidey thing. No crush._

 

**harley <3: **u think tony’s up?

 

**You:** …

**You:** why?

 

**harley <3:** no reason

 

**You:** harley what the fuck are you gonna do?

 

**12:03 AM - Unnamed Chat **

**[harley <3 renamed the chat: iron dad and his favorite kids]**

**harley <3: **tony ru up

 

_Oh my God. How is he so brave with Mr-Tony?_

 

**You:** HARLEY WHAT THE FUCK

 

**best avenger:** Well now I am

**best avenger:** Language Pete

 

**You:** oh please

 

**harley <3:** oh please

 

**You:** ha jinx

**You:** you owe me a coke

 

**harley <3:** U DIDNT POKE ME THO

**harley <3:** TAKE THAT PARKER

 

**best avenger:** You two are my only kids? Why is that the name?

 

**harley <3:** ha sure we are

**harley <3: **theres prob like 4 other stark kids out there

 

**best avenger:** Neither of you are the favorite.

 

**You:** but-you said i was :(

 

**best avenger:** Jesus Christ

**best avenger:** I hate you both

 

**You:** :(

 

**harley <3:** :(

 

**best avenger:** No. Just stop

**best avenger:** Would either of you care to explain why this chat exists and/or why I am here?

 

**harley <3:** well, u see, ur parents did a special hug and it made u into existence

 

_Oh my fucking God, Harley._

 

**best avenger:** Harley, if you type another word I am disowning you and striking you from the will.

 

**harley <3:** im in the will?

 

**best avenger:** No

**best avenger:** Not at all

**best avenger:** Moving on

**best avenger:** Why am I a part of this chat?

 

**You:** harley had a question. i don’t know. i wasn’t a part of this

 

**harley <3:** whatever lets you sleep at night parker

 

**You:** I’M NOT SLEEPING

 

**best avenger:** NEITHER AM I AND FOR ONCE I WOULD LIKE TO BE

 

_Aw. Go Mr. Stark! Shit-Tony. Healthiness is good. Sleep is good. Fuck, I want to sleep._

 

**You:** **_I’M WITH TONY, I WANNA SLEEP_ **

 

**harley <3: **fine

**harley <3: **but then im not telling why i created the chat

 

**You:** whatever

 

**best avenger:** Fine by me

**best avenger:** In fact, I’m shutting all the tech on your floor down if you don’t go to sleep in the next 10 minutes

**best avenger:** Both of you

 

**harley <3: **but-

**harley <3: **i-

**harley <3: **i just wanna be loved *tear*

 

_I’ll love you. NO NO NO I’M NOT THINKING THAT._

 

**best avenger:** Go the fuck to sleep Harley

 

**harley <3: **humph

 

_I can’t have a crush on Mr-Tony’s kid. It’s not allowed. I can’t have a crush on Harley specifically. He was probably just flirting because that’s his personality. I don’t know him well enough to crush on him. No. I need to stop._

 

**12:10 AM-the stark home for teenage geniuses**

**harley <3: **gn peter

 

_Fuck. He’s so…_

 

**You:** night, harley

 

_Perfect. He’s so perfect._

 

**\---**

 

“Audio Message from Boss Junior (The Better One): ‘Hey FRI, can you tell Peter that he needs to get his ass down to Lab Four C now so that we can actually work on those lightsabers?’”

 

_Is it possible for A.I.s to sound annoyed? ‘Cause FRI sure does._

 

“FRI, what time is it? And why are you calling Harley ‘Boss Junior?’ At least, I’m assuming Boss Junior is Harley, who else could it be? Unless Harley was right, and Tony does have more kids-”

“It’s 5:13 in the morning, Peter.” _What the hell? I want to sleep._ “Harley requested to be called Boss Junior (The Better One) because ‘he called me his kid and he’s not coming back from it’ and ‘plus, you called me and Peter little bosses, so….’ Does that answer your question, Peter?”

 

“Yeah. Can you please tell Harley that he can wake me back up at a proper hour?”

 

“Audio transmitted.”

 

“Yeah, thanks FRI.”

 

_Wait._

 

“Wait.”

 

“I’m an A.I. I don’t go anywhere.”

 

“I don’t need your sass right now, FRI. You said it was five in the morning?”

 

“I did.”

 

“And Harley is awake?”

 

“Correct.”

 

“Has he-has he even slept at all?”

 

“Boss Junior (The Better One) attempted to sleep when Boss originally told him too, but woke up at 3:03 AM and has been awake since.”

 

_Oh, Harley._

 

“Was he-I mean-did he have a nightmare?”

 

“Signs point to yes.”

 

_Fuck. I mean, it’s not like he’s a superhero. He probably doesn’t have trauma nightmares…(Like you). Not to say that superheroes are the only people who can have trauma nightmares. Fuck. What if-no, no, no. He’s probably fine. But still…_

 

“FRIDAY, did you just quote the fucking Magic 8-Ball?”

 

“Reply hazy. Try again later.”

 

_Tony needs to restrain his A.I.s, Jesus Christ._

 

“Is Harley okay?”

 

“My sources say no.”

 

_Fuck, I wanna hug him…I can’t hug him. What did he dream about?_

 

“Can you, uh-can you tell him that he should get some sleep? For me? Like, the ‘for me’ part is part of the message, I wasn’t telling you ‘for me.’ Never mind. Can you tell him? Please?”  

 

_That wasn’t awkward at all, Peter._

 

“Audio transmitted.”

 

_I should tell Tony he should be concerned about Harley. Well, not concerned. Alert. Yeah._

 

“Is Tony up?”

 

“My reply is no.” _Aaaaand she’s still quoting the 8-Ball._ “And Harley says ‘thanks.’”

 

_Aww that was the cutest thank you I’ve ever heard. (WHY THE FUCK AM I THINKING LIKE THAT, I MET HIM YESTERDAY.)_

 

“When Tony gets up, tell him I need to talk to him. Or just-tell him that Harley isn’t sleeping and he should talk to him. Please.”

 

“Concentrate and ask again.”

 

“FRIDAY!”

 

“Apologies, Peter. You may rely on it.”

 

“Was that also an 8-Ball one?”

 

“It is decidedly so.”

 

_Fucking smartass._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soo, i wrote a note, it didn't show up, i guess ao3 is doing that to me now. so, take 2!
> 
> this is probably my favorite chapter i've posted so far, i hope y'all liked it!!
> 
> come yell at me on instagram? @angxlsgrxce


	6. [deadpool doing what he does best]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry guys, i feel like this was a total cop-out. i just couldn't think of anything.

**wAdE WiLsOn** _@dEaDpOoL_

sooo, the author really didn't want to do this (like, really didn’t, i can feel her inner turmoil from here) but she will not be updating with the normal twitter banter today, due to her emotional state

 

 **wAdE WiLsOn** _@dEaDpOoL_

 **@dEaDpOoL** don’t worry, the updating schedule for tomorrow is the same, so y’all will get your parley, or parkner, or whatever the fuck it is.

 

 **wAdE WiLsOn** _@dEaDpOoL_

 **@dEaDpOoL** and no, nothing is wrong with the author. in fact, she’s pissed she can’t think of anything to write and she’s pissed at the reason (which she believes is stupid but it’s not, hon), so she’s really sorry, guys.

 

 **wAdE WiLsOn** _@dEaDpOoL_

 **@dEaDpOoL** now, i’m just the messenger, but you can totally shoot me, i’d welcome a little death.

 

 **ella** _@acebase_

 **@dEaDpOoL** uhh. wut.

 

 **wAdE WiLsOn** _@dEaDpOoL_

 **@acebase** don’t worry about it.

 

 **william** _@willnyethescienceguy_

 **@dEaDpOoL** Im scared.

 

 **marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

 **@dEaDpOoL** what does all of this mean?

 

 **ben** _@benthebi_

 **@dEaDpOoL**????

 

 **wAdE WiLsOn** _@dEaDpOoL_

 **@panwithaplan** a fellow pan! don’t worry about it, pan pal. (the author is also pan and she likes you as a character, you’re one of her favorites).

 

 **wAdE WiLsOn** _@dEaDpOoL_

 **@panwithaplan @dEaDpOoL** oh, i’m also supposed to do #SaveODAAT even though that doesn’t exist here yet, cuz that was one of her original ideas.

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@dEaDpOoL** Wade? What are you talking about?

 

 **wAdE WiLsOn** _@dEaDpOoL_

 **@IAmIronMan** my other pan pal! hey bud.

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@dEaDpOoL** Should I be concerned?

 

 **wAdE WiLsOn** _@dEaDpOoL_

 **@IAmIronMan @acebase @willnyethescienceguy @panwithaplan @benthebi** guys, seriously. don’t worry about it!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really fucking sorry. i shouldn't have done this. 
> 
> come yell at me on instagram? @angxlsgrxce
> 
> see you guys tomorrow. (well, not actually see. whatever.)
> 
> (i'm super super sorry.)


	7. well, i found a boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **11:34 AM-the stark home for teenage geniuses**  
>  **cute genius:** okay it’s an actual awake hour now, you wanna work on the lightsabers?  
>  **cute genius:** dude where are you  
>  **cute genius:** why aren’t you in your room?  
>  **cute genius:** harley, where are you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel as if i should remind all of you lovely human beings of my amazing beta readers who basically give me half of my ideas, my lovely muses: [emotionaltrinityfreak](https://archiveofourown.org/users/emotionaltrinityfreak/pseuds/emotionaltrinityfreak) (he writes bandom fics), [natythespidey](https://archiveofourown.org/users/natythespidey/pseuds/natythespidey) (she writes no fics but has amazing bookmarks), and [@mgish_sings14](https://www.instagram.com/mgish_sings14/) on instagram (she neither writes nor has an ao3, but she sings!).
> 
> anyways, after those shoutouts, enjoy!

**.... .- .-. .-.. . -.--**

**Thursday, June 29, 2017**

 

“Audio message from Peter: ‘Can you, uh-can you tell him that he should get some sleep? For me? Like, the ‘for me’ part is part of the message, I wasn’t telling you ‘for me.’ Never mind. Can you tell him? Please?’”

 

_He sounds so fucking sleepy, Jesus Christ. His hair is probably a mess. (Sex hair). I wanna wake up next to him AND WE’RE BACKING AWAY FROM THOSE THOUGHTS. FAR AWAY. HE IS STRAIGHT. He’s adorable though. “For me?” Parker, I’d do anything for you. (It’s probably dangerous that I’m already thinking like that.) So fine. I’ll get some sleep._

 

“FRIDAY, dim lights to 12 percent please.”

 

“Sure thing, Boss Junior (The Better One).”

 

_Haha, Tony’s gonna flip out when he hears that._

 

“I would recommend not sleeping in the lab, Boss Junior (The Better One). Your bed would be much more comfortable.”

 

_FRI is sassy as fuck. But also she somehow seems concerned? Tony is weirdly good at programming these things._

 

“Yeah, nah. There’s already a blanket here anyway, God knows why, and Tony for some weird reason has couches in every lab, probably for this situation, actually. So I’ll be fine.” _You should thank Peter._ “Oh, FRI? Can you tell Peter thanks?”

 

“Sure thing, Boss Junior (The Better One).”

 

“You hate calling me that, dontcha?”

 

“My reply is no.”

 

_Wait. That sounds familiar. Fuck fuck fuck, c’mon brain, work! Holy fuck it was a Magic 8-Ball saying. Oh my God._

 

“Okay, one, the sarcasm is strong with this one. Two, are you a Magic 8-Ball now?”

 

“Signs point to yes. Now get some sleep, Boss Junior (The Better One).”

“‘Night, FRI.”

 

**\---**

 

_Hot, burning hands; cold, freezing air. Tony. Water, rushing, flowing, drowning. Tony. Hands, too tight, grabbing, clutching, taking. Can’t breathe. Can’t fight. Can’t escape. Hostage._

 

_“Let me go!”_

 

_“Anyway…Hey, kid! What would you like for Christmas?” Tony. Terrified, struggling, trapped; eyes big, scared. Scared for me._

 

_“Mr. Stark, I am so sorry!”_

 

_“No no no, shush. I think he was trying to say: where’s my goddamn file?” Eyes red, burning, hands gripping, too hot, too hot, Tony, help! Help._

 

_“It’s not your fault, kid.” Wide eyes. Message. He’s tryin’ to tell me something. “Remember what I told you about bullies?”_

 

_I don’t have it, I don’t have it, he took it. He’s gonna kill me. Hands burning hotter, jacket steaming, melting, Tony!_

 

_“I don’t-I don’t have it, Tony. I’m sorry.” Scared. He’s scared. I’m burning, burning, it’s too hot, I can’t breathe, Tony, help, please!_

 

**\---**

 

**11:34 AM-the stark home for teenage geniuses**

**cute genius:** okay it’s an actual awake hour now, you wanna work on the lightsabers?

 **cute genius:** dude where are you

 **cute genius:** why aren’t you in your room?

 **cute genius:** harley, where are you?

 

**\---**

 

“Harley. Harley, wake up.”

 

“Wha-?”

 

_Don’t look at him, don’t let him know you were havin’ another nightmare, don’t let him see. Get yourself together. Do not fucking cry. You can’t cry. Keep your head down, don’t let him see. Don’t let him see. He can’t see._

 

“Why were you sleeping in the lab?”

 

_Oh shit, he sounds pissed. Should I look at him? He’s probably cute when he’s angry. (Are the tears gone? Wipe the fucking tears off, Harley, don’t let him see.) Fuck. He looks really fucking cute when he’s angry. I can live with that._

 

“I was already here, ya know? So-it was just easier.”

 

“Harley…” _He looks really pissed._ “I-um-okay.” _Ooh, he ran his hands through his hair. I wanna run my hands through his hair._ “I don’t know you very well, like, at all, but this? It’s not healthy. FRI told me that you were, uh, having nightmares-”

 

_No no no no no. This is a pity talk then. I don’t need his fucking pity._

 

“I don’t need your pity, Parker.”

 

“No, that’s not-I’m not-I just want you to talk to someone, okay? I, uh, I have really bad nightmares too, from shit that’s happened to me as Spi-um, when I was younger.” _What the hell was that slip-up?_ “So, uh. I get it. And I have my friends that I can talk to. And Mr-uh-Tony, I guess. Well, what I’m saying is-”

 

_Jesus Christ, Peter, spit it out._

 

“That I can talk to you or whatever, yeah, I get it.”

 

“No! No, actually. I mean, you can talk to me. But-uh, I meant, that you should talk to Tony.”  

 

_Oh. Not what I was expecting._

 

“Oh. Uh. Thanks, I guess?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

_This isn’t awkward at all._

 

“So, uh, lightsabers?”

 

“Yeah, lightsabers.”

 

**\---**

 

**12:36 PM-gay disasters**

**ab-bi-e:** Harley

 **ab-bi-e:** Plz respond dude

 **ab-bi-e:** Im sorry

 **ab-bi-e:** Harls

 **ab-bi-e:** Im really sorry, okay?

 **ab-bi-e:** I didnt mean that

 **ab-bi-e:** Mom loves u so much

 

_If I ignore it, she’ll stop. Right? I should’ve muted my phone ages ago. Shit, now Peter’s gonna say somethin’._

 

“Uh, are you not gonna respond to those?”

 

“Yeah, no.”

 

“Okay…Sorry.”

 

“It’s fine. Can you pass me that bolt?”

 

**12:57-gay disasters**

**ab-bi-e:** Harley plz

 **ab-bi-e:** Dude come on

 **ab-bi-e:** U know i didnt mean it like that

 

_Oh my God, just shut up, Abbie!_

 

“Jesus Christ.”

 

“Uh, what?”

 

“No, sorry, I wasn’t talking to you. It’s just-my sister, ya know?”

 

_Yeah. That was an amazing cover-up/joke. He totally knows that nothing’s up._

 

“Not really. I don’t have any siblings.”

 

_Wow, you’re doing great here, Harley._

 

“Well, they’re a pain in the ass. So, yeah, you’re lucky.”  

 

“If it’s only her texting you, then she’s texted you like 73 times in the past 20 minutes. You’ve only checked your phone like twice, and both times you haven’t responded.”

 

_He’s been counting. That’s adorable._

 

“You’ve been-”

 

“Not that I’ve been counting! Or anything. Just a guess.”

 

_Holy fuck he’s so adorable. I wonder how far that blush goes…(NO. STRAIGHT.)_

 

“Well, I’m not planning on responding. She said something she meant-” ( _Did she?) Of course she fucking did, Mom doesn’t need you. Or want you._ “-and now she’s trying to take it back.”

 

“What’d she say?”

 

_See, you shouldn’t have told him._

 

“It doesn’t matter.”

 

“Okay. Sorry.”

 

“You don’t need to apologize.”

 

“Yeah, um. Yeah. Sorry.”

 

“Automatic thing?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“‘Kay.”

 

**\---**

 

“Kiddos, how long have you guys been working?”

 

“Oh, heyyy Tony!”

 

_Yeah, casual. He totally won’t realize you’ve been working for ten hours straight._

 

“Hi Harls. Pete, how long ya been working?”

 

“Oh, um, what time is it?”

 

_Ten o’clock._

 

“C’mon, Pete.”

 

“No, seriously, what time is it?”

 

“Jesus Christ. I guess this is how Pepper feels.”

 

“No, this is how having kids feels.”

 

“I know, Harley. I repeat my previous statement: this is how Pepper feels.”

 

“Holy shit, it’s ten o’clock.”

 

_He’s so cute when he curses._

 

“Language, Pete!” _Why does he look worried now?_ “Hey, Peter? Does that mean you haven’t eaten since this morning?”

 

“Uh. Yeah.”

 

“Peter.”

 

“I know, okay? I’m sorry.”

 

“Kid.”

 

“I’m. Sorry.”

 

 _What the hell is he sorry for? What the hell just happened? Why does Peter need to eat so badly? (Does he have an eating disorder.) I’m so confused._ _(I should make a joke. There’s too much tension.)_

 

“Oh, puh-leaze, Tony, it’s not like _you_ don’t go days without eating, leave him alone!”

 

“Don’t sass your father, Harley.”

 

“Ms. Potts!”

 

_Does he just call everyone by their last name? He’s so fucking cute._

 

“Hi, Peter. You know you’re supposed to call me Pepper. Oh, and, uh, how-how’s your aunt?”

 

_I have never heard THE Pepper Potts stutter before. Is this a thing now? (Aunt. No parents? Don’t ask right now.)_

 

“Um. My aunt? Like, May? Aunt May? Uh, she’s good, I guess?”

 

“Lovely!” ‘ _Lovely????’ Something’s up with Pepper._ “Tony, please get Pete-your children to eat something.”

 

_Why do we need to eat so badly? (Specifically, why does PETER need to eat so badly? Does he have an eating disorder?)_

 

“Pep, _how_?”

 

_Now who’s the kid?_

 

“Uh huh.”

 

_Pepper has an amazing bitch face. (Am I allowed to call it that? Huh.)_

 

“Fine. I’ll get them to eat something. I can’t promise it will be healthy.”

 

“Cook them something, Tony.”

 

“Mr. Stark can cook?”

 

_Ooh, he reverted back to the last name. Probably his instinct._

 

“Wow, kiddo, I’m offended. Yes, I can cook. My mother was Italian, of course I can cook. You’ve eaten food I’ve cooked before! You’ve had my special lasagna!”

 

_Peter totally knew he could cook, he’s smirking. (That’s a hot as fuck smirk.)_

 

“Okay, May’s Italian, and she can’t cook at all.” _So that would be ‘Aunt May.’_ “You should know., so that’s not a valid argument.”

 

“You have a point. But May is special. Me, on the other hand…Well, I can make amazing lasagna.”   

 

“Yes, make them lasagna. Good job. A plus parenting.”

 

“I don’t need your sass right now, Ms. Potts.”

 

_I wish I had a friendship like Tony and Pepper’s._

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. C’mon, out of the lab, kids. Oh, and Tony, Rhodey is home from that top secret government mission.”

 

“Why the hell didn’t you lead with that?! My honey bear is home and you didn’t tell me?!”

 

_That’s adorable. Honestly, Tony and Rhodey are the real OTP._

 

“Hi, FRIDAY, floor 98, please.”    

 

“Of course, Ms. Potts.”

 

“How does my A.I. somehow like you best? She’s mine!”

 

“Probably because you refer to her in the possessive, Mr-Tony. I’ve heard women don’t like that.”

 

_Holy shit._

 

“Holy shit.”

 

“First of all, ouch. Second of all, point. Third of all-”

 

“Language, yes, I know, Dad. My sincerest apologies.”

 

_That look of shock on his face is not okay, he needs to know that he is loved and that he’s my fucking dad._

 

“We’ve reached floor 98, Ms. Potts.”

 

“Thank you, FRIDAY.”

 

“Hey, Tones.”

 

“Platypus!!!”

 

_Jesus fuck they’re adorable. I wish I had someone I could be that needy with. (Do not fucking look at Peter. Not Peter. Straight.)_

 

“Tony, you’ve been hugging your husband for three minutes straight.” _Straight was not the best word to use there, Pepper._ “And yes, you two are absolutely adorable, but you are kind of in the way, and some of us need to actually get off the elevator.”

 

“Fine. We’ll move. But I’m not letting go of him.”

 

“Jesus Christ, Tones, you expect me to lift you? I’m old now, remember?”

 

_That was fucking ADORABLE._

 

“Well, Peter could move you bo-”

 

_Why the heckity heck did Peter just elbow THE Pepper Potts in the side?_

 

“What she means is that I could kick you out of the way if you don’t move!”

 

_That was not subtle. He literally shouted that. He’s hidin’ something._

 

“Are you questioning the strength of the braces that I invented, that I poured my blood and sweat and tears and love into, honey bear?”

 

“You are the most dramatic person I have ever met.”

 

“Yes, love you too dearest. The braces will hold. And I know you’re strong enough to carry me, don’t act like you aren’t.”

 

_That eyebrow wiggle was something I could go my entire lifetime without seeing, and yet I was cursed with it on this day._

 

“See, told you you could move me, sourpatch! There ya go, Pep, all clear.”

 

“Thank you, Tony, how generous of you. Are you going to make the boys something to eat?”

 

“After I sit in my pickle-pie’s lap for the next five minutes, yes.”

 

_This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen and I need five hundred million pictures._

 

“It’s fine, Ms-Pepper. I can make us grilled cheeses or something. Or we can order pizza.”

 

“Ooh, pizza! Platypus, I want pizza!”

 

_Parker, you better fucking get this reference._

 

“Can we get stuffed crust?”

 

“Oooh. Stuffed crust!”

 

_Jesus, he’s perfect._

 

“What-what was that? Children. Explain.”

 

“Have you never seen Despicable Me? What are you doing with your life, Tony?”

 

“Uh, we should have a movie night, Mr-Tony. Pizza and a movie night.”

 

“Yeah! Sleep? Who needs sleep? Right, Dad?”

 

“Woah, we’re at the ‘dad’ stage now? Tones, when did this happen?”

 

“He’s trying to put me into an early grave.”

 

“Uh huh. ‘Early.’”

 

“That was extremely immature, Harls, I expect better.”  

 

 _Says the 47-year-old man sitting in the lap of a 51-year-old man, hidin’ his face in said 51-year-old man’s neck._  

 

“M’kay. So, pizza and Despicable Me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i take back what i said about chapter 4, this one is my favorite. (i love it so much.)
> 
> let me know what y'all thought, and which chapter has been your favorite so far! (i love hearing from you guys, and y'all were all super kind about yesterday's absolute cop-out.)
> 
> come yell at me on instagram? @angxlsgrxce
> 
> see you saturday!


	8. [the minions are rising]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_  
>  Spidey and his friend are forcing me and my **@Rhodey** to watch Despicable Me. I’m concerned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, i have no idea where the despicable me thing came from, but it's here now. go with it. enjoy!

**Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

Spidey and his friend are forcing me and my **@Rhodey** to watch Despicable Me. I’m concerned.

 

**adric** _@AsymetricalAdric_

**@IAmIronMan** you should be. let the minions take you. there is no escape.

 

**jax** _@drarryisreal_

**@IAmIronMan** Have fun!!! ;))) _[[banana.gif]](https://giphy.com/gifs/minions-banana-minion-TKk3DOowB89QQ) _

 

**lesbian who loves spider-man** _@hesmyplatonicsoulmate_

**@IAmIronMan** spideyyyyyyy

 

**they did surgery on a grape** _@maryandmemes_

**@IAmIronMan** Kdfhojsjfajkhgib omg

 

**mere** _@musicalsforlifeee_

**@IAmIronMan** you need all the luck to protect you from The Minions

 

**tony has all my uwus** _@IAmIronStan_

**@IAmIronMan** i am? sobbing. this is? so soft. “my rhodey”? i stan.

 

**snotabelle** _@greasycowboy_

**@IAmIronStan** hotel? Trivago.

 

**tony has all my uwus** _@IAmIronStan_

**@greasycowboy** leAvE mE aLOnE

 

**michelle** _@m1chellej0nes_

**@IAmIronMan** what about pepper?

 

**peter parker** _@peterbparker_

**@m1chellej0nes** MICHELLE STAHP

 

**michelle** _@m1chellej0nes_

**@peterbparker** iT wAs A gEnuInE qUesTioN. for once i wasn’t being a thirsty hoe.  

 

**michelle** _@m1chellej0nes_

**@peterbparker** but yeah, she could step on me and i would be thankful. i worship the ground she walks on.

 

**peter parker** _@peterbparker_

**@m1chellej0nes** STOPPPPPP IM UNCOMFORTABLE. i have to go anyway we’re starting the movie.

 

**michelle** _@m1chellej0nes_

**@peterbparker** peter, you dumb twink. (also you know my thirsting is mostly pg, don’t be dirty.)

 

**adric** _@AsymetricalAdric_

**@m1chellej0nes** wow, relatable.

 

**my croissant !** _@vinesssbabyy_

**@m1chellej0nes @peterbparker** Idk what happened during that exchange but I loved it

 

**michelle** _@m1chellej0nes_

**@AsymetricalAdric** which part?

 

**adric** _@AsymetricalAdric_

**@m1chellej0nes** both.

 

**bi** _@queerious_

**@m1chellej0nes @AsymetricalAdric** im screaming omg

 

**\- --- -. -.--**

**Thursday, June 29, 2017**

 

“-and now he knows he could never part, from those three little kittens; they changed his heart...”

 

“Tones, are you crying?”

 

_No._

 

“Shh, _tesoro_ , don’t let the kids hear you.”

 

“Babe. Are you crying? Because of the movie?”

 

_Yes._

 

“Rhodey?”

 

“Yes, Tones?”

 

“Can you hold me? Please?”

 

_I hate how needy I sound. I shouldn’t get to need anything at all. I don’t deserve that. And I definitely don’t deserve anything I want._

 

“Tony, babe. What’s up?”

 

_Don’t tell him don’t tell him don’t tell him don’t tell him-_

 

“I want kids so fucking badly.”

 

_Why would you tell him? He’s going to leave you. You always knew it would happen. He’s too good for you. You don’t deserve him. Not after everything you’ve done. (“Mercante di Morte.” “Chi vendicherà mio figlio, Stark? È morto…e ti biasimo.” “_ _La mia famiglia è morta. Vado a vederli ora.”_ _“Lui è mio amico.” - “Così ero io.”) Not after everyone you’ve hurt. (Ana, Aunt Peggy, Jarvis, Yinsen, Maya, Charlie, New York, Sokovia, Lagos, and more and more and more.) You don’t deserve kids. You wouldn’t even be a good father_ _._ _You’re a screw up. Like Howard. (“Non mi ha mai detto che mi amava, non mi ha mai nemmeno detto che gli piacevo.”) You’re just like Howa-_

 

“Hey, Tones, you’re spiraling. Look at me. Look. At. Me. I love you and I will never leave you. And if you want kids, then let’s talk about it. Babe. Look at those two. Look at ‘em.” _They’re enjoying the stupid fucking movie so much._ “You already have kids. You have Peter and Harley and Abbie, and you have the bots, and FRIDAY, and Vision. They’re _our_ kids.” _Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t let the kids see you sobbing like a fucking baby into your husband’s shirt._ “Shh, shh, it’s okay. I love you so much, Tones. Shh. I’m here. We all love you so much.”

 

**\---**

 

_Mmrmph, sleep. Kids, where are the kids?! Where am I?! Whereamiwhereamiwhereami. I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe, I can’t breathe-oh, I’m on the couch. Here’s Rhodey. I’m fine. I’m safe. But the kids?_

 

“Oh my God.”

 

“Mhm, Tones, come back to bed.”

 

_Not in bed, sugar bear._

 

“Shh, _amore_ , in a sec.” _They’re cuddling. Peter is cuddling Harley. Jesus Christ. They’re gonna be the death of me._ “FRI, baby girl, please take pictures of them. They’re gonna want ‘em someday at their fucking wedding or something. Christ.”

 

“Done, Boss.”

 

“Thanks, FRI.”

 

“Mhm, Tones bed sleep.”

 

“‘m here, _tesoro_.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> did the tony pov switch throw you off? did it make sense? (i'm actually really unsure on if i captured him/his thoughts correctly, so feedback?) 
> 
> and the italian thing also came out of nowhere, but it's my headcanon that italian was his first language, and that whenever he goes through/remembers traumatic experiences, he remembers them in italian to soften some of the trauma? i dunno. again, go with it. i've got no idea what i'm doing. 
> 
> (and we're also running out of prewritten chapters, so we're going into uncharted territory now. get ready.)
> 
> if you read to the end of this, you get a cookie.


	9. beautiful and sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **4:17 PM-the only avengers that matter**  
>  **best avenger:** Pete, why'd I get a notification from your suit that said it'd been ripped?
> 
>   _Uhhh._
> 
> **You:** i ripped it on a sticky-outy piece on a fire escape

**.--. . - . .-.**

**Friday, June 30, 2017**

 

“Peter, you have four unread messages from May Parker.”

 

_Shhh, sleep. I want sleep._

 

“You have one additional new message from May Parker.”

 

_Ugh, sleep is over then. Wonderful. Wait. Where am I? Why am I-_

 

“Oh, shit.”

 

_Why did you say it so loudly? You’re gonna fucking wake him up, you fucking idiot. (Aww, Tony and Colonel Rhodes look so cute.) No, Peter. Focus. You have to figure out how to get up from the couch without disturbing Harley (WHO YOU WERE FUCKING CUDDLING WITH). It’s fine. Just move slowly. Move his arm from your waist (HIS ARM WAS AROUND YOUR WAIST). Aaaaaand there we go. Free._

 

“You have another new message from May Parker, Peter. Would you like me to tell her-”

 

_Oh shit, I have to respond to her._

 

“No, Karen, it’s fine. I got it. Thanks.”

 

**10:13 AM-keeping up with the parkers**

**super aunt:** Peter, are you coming home this weekend or are you staying at Tony’s?

**super aunt:** Oh, ask how Pepper is for me

 

_WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON BETWEEN MAY AND PEPPER?_

 

**super aunt:** Never mind, don’t do that

**super aunt:** Forget I said anything

 

_What. The. Fuck._

 

**12:47 AM-keeping up with the parkers**

**super aunt:** Hon, I gotta know if you’re coming home this weekend

**super aunt:** Peterrrr honey

 

**You:** sorry aunt may

**You:** i was asleep

**You:** yeah i’ll come home

**You:** i’ll tell tony when he wakes up

 

**super aunt:** You finally started calling him Tony???

 

**You:** yes

 

“Floor 99, please, FRIDAY.”

 

**super aunt:** Peter…

**super aunt:** :)

 

“We’ve reached floor 99.”

 

**You:** leave me alone

**You:** this is homophobia

**You:** i am being attacked

 

**super aunt:** No, you’re being a drama queen

 

_Oof._

 

**super aunt:** *king

**super aunt:** Sorry hon, my bad

 

**You:** you’re fine

 

**super aunt:** So how is everything at the tower?

 

**You:** good

**You:** tony introduced me to his other kid

 

_Oh, fuck. How do I unsend things? Fucking Tony and his fucking StarkPhones with the fucking messages that can’t be unsent. Maybe if I just keep talking, she won’t notice._

 

**You:** his name’s harley

**You:** he likes star wars and he’s smart and cute and he’s more like tony than i am

**You:** personality wise at least i guess

**You:** we built lightsabers

**You:** technically they’re still a work in progress

**You:** we’ve only designed them

 

**super aunt:** Peter…

 

_Do not fucking mention the fact that I may or may not have classified myself as one of Tony’s kids._

 

**super aunt:** Do you have a crush on this boy?

 

_NO THAT’S EVEN WORSE I’D RATHER TALK ABOUT ME BEING TONY’S KID (I’m not his kid though.) HOW DOES SHE EVEN KNOW?_

 

**You:** no

**You:** why do you ask

 

**super aunt:** You called him cute, hon

**super aunt:** As far as I know, you haven’t called anyone but Liz cute

**super aunt:** Oh and that Harry boy from your field trip in freshman year

 

_Oh. I told her he’s cute. Of course I freaking did. (Harry was super cute, can’t believe I forgot about him.)_

 

**You:** well he’s off limits

 

**super aunt:** Why?

 

**You:** because he is, okay?

**You:** let’s talk about something else now

 

_Oh, I know what to fucking talk about._

 

**You:** like: what’s up with you and ms. potts?

**You:** aunt may?

**You:** hellooo?

 

**super aunt:** Sorry hon something came up at work, I gotta go

**super aunt:** Love you bye

 

**You:** love you too

 

_That wasn’t weird at allllll._

 

“Hey FRI, have any of the couch potatoes downstairs woken up yet?”

 

“Very doubtful.”

 

“I know you know if they are because you know everything about the Tower, so that’s another Magic 8-Ball answer, and I thought you were done, FRI!”

 

“Boss and Platypus are awake and making pancakes in the kitchen, Boss Junior (The Better One) has yet to wake up.”

 

“Thanks, FRI. Floor 98, please.”

 

“We’ve reached Floor 98.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Moon pie, stop! You’re getting the batter everywhere!”

 

“Oh, shut it, Tones, I know what I’m doing.”

 

_They are the perfect picture of domestic bliss._

 

“Peter! We’re making pancakes, c’mere kiddo.”

 

“Tony, shh. You’re gonna wake up the other kid.”

 

_Speaking of, where is Harley?_

 

“He’s still on the couch, in case you were wondering, Pete.”

 

_Stop winking, Tony._

 

“No. I wasn’t.”

 

_Did my voice just go up two octaves?_

 

“Uh huh.”

 

“Wait. Peter and…Harley?”

 

_AKFNJSDKSE WHY DOES EVERYONE HATE ME?_

 

“Yup, honey bun.”

 

“Shut up, okay! Please, Mr. Colonel Rhodes? He’s right there!”  

 

“Pete thinks Harley’s cute. As far as I know.”

 

“We are moving on now! To pancakes!”

 

“Patience, young padawan.”

 

“And yet you say I’m not allowed to make references.”

 

“It’s ‘cause you always call them old movies and it makes Tones feel old.”

 

_He IS old._

 

“Oops, sorry not sorry.”

 

“That’s rude, kid. Rude.”

 

“Chocolate chips, Peter?”

 

“Of course he wants chocolate chip pancakes, huggy bear, what is wrong with you?”

 

“Yes, please, Mr. Colonel Rhodes.”

 

_That sounded so stupid, Peter. Why did you say it like that? You’re stupid and that was awful. (Shut. Up.)_

 

“Pete, bud, you can call him Rhodey.”

 

_WHY IS EVERY ADULT IN MY LIFE INSISTING I BE CASUAL ALL OF A SUDDEN? THIS IS NOT GOOD™️ FOR MY ANXIETY LEVELS._

 

“Oh, uh, yeah. Okay.” 

 

_Harley looks so peaceful when he’s sleeping. I really hope he’s not having any nightmares. That would also be Not Good™️._

 

“Hey. Kiddo. Whatcha looking at?”

 

_Stop smirking. Stop it._

 

“Nothing. Oh, I’m going home this weekend, and I’ll probably leave at some point today ‘cause I haven’t done patrol in a couple days.”

 

“Okay, sounds good, Pete. You want Happy to drive you?”

 

“I was just gonna swing home?”

 

“Okay bud, remember to text me when you get done with patrol. Oh, mmh, how’s the new binder for when you’re in the suit working out? You breathing fine?”

 

_And now I’m probably grinning like an idiot. It’s fucking amazing._

  
“Yeah. Yeah. It’s, uh-it’s great, Tony. It’s really great.”

 

“Good. All that matters is that you’re safe, okay, kiddo?”

 

_Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you._

 

“Okay, Tony.”

 

“Good. Now eat your pancakes. Rhodey bear made ‘em special.”

 

**\---**

 

_Falling, falling, falling, ground closer, closer, closer, closer, and…now! Thwip! God, I love my suit._

 

“Hey, Karen.”

 

“Hello, Peter. What are we doing today?”

 

“Heading home to drop my stuff off, then a quick patrol, ‘cause I haven’t been out in a while.”

 

“Okay, sounds good. Would you like me to plot the fastest course to May’s?”

 

“Yup!”

 

_It’s like the Wizard of Oz, except instead of the Yellow Brick Road, it’s Karen’s Red Line of Navigation. Ha. I’m so not funny. But wait! It actually kind of works! ‘Cause people call Mr. Stark-shit, Tony- the Tin Man ‘cause of Iron Man and people already call him that and also he doesn’t think he has a heart even though he has the biggest heart out of anyone I know and probably the entire world. Mr-(No) Rhodey could be-nope not Rhodey because he and Tony are married and the Tin Man wasn’t-Rhodey can be the woodcutter’s daughter or whoever it was in the story, I don’t fucking remember (that’s gonna bug me). Ms-(No) Pepper can be the Scarecrow because she is like the smartest person I know, and May’s the bravest so she’s the Cowardly Lion ‘cause he actually was really brave. Yikes, that was nerdy. Thank God no one can hear my thoughts. Scream if you can hear my thoughts! (Danger danger danger DANGER DAN-)_

 

“Someone help me please help someone help!”

 

_Oh, shit. Hi, Spidey Sense! (Was that coincidental or can you really hear my thoughts, random screaming lady?) FOCUS, PETER._

 

“Karen, activate Enhanced Reconnaissance Mode.”

 

“-money now, lady.”

 

_Okay, armed robbery (burglary?) with a knife. Low-level mugger. Except he’s got the knife to her throat. Not Good™️. Three, two, one, jump!_

 

“Hey, dude, I’m pretty sure robbing someone at knifepoint is illegal! Ya know, just a tad bit? Oh, I’ll take that!” _Thwip! And now we’ve got an unarmed mugger! Love my job. Oh shit, he’s got another knife. And he’s coming towards me. Well, on the bright side, the lady can escape now!_ “Hey, lady-” _Really, Peter? Really? You’re gonna refer to her as ‘lady?’_ “-you can run now!” _Yay, civilian saved! And scary guy with a knife, in three, two, one! Thwip! (DANGER DANGER DANGER DAN-) That was a little late. I missed. I still got stabbed. Fucking “Spidey Sense.”_

 

“You stabbed me! That’s kinda mean.”

 

“Why do you talk so much?”

 

_At least he doesn’t have the knife anymore. Oh yikes, he’s trying to punch me. Thwip and thwip and thwip and he’s all wrapped up!_

 

“Aw, you’re like a Christmas present for the cops! Although it’s summer. Karen, what’s a upcoming holiday?”

 

“The Fourth of July is in four days, not counting today.”

 

“You’re like a Fourth of July present for the cops!”

 

“Peter, I would recommend removing the knife from your leg and closing the wound with your webs.”

 

_Oh yeah, that’s still in me. (Ha.)_

 

“M’kay, done. How’re my vitals and all that shit?”

 

_Thwip!_

 

“The stab wasn’t that deep, so you should be fine, and your vitals are consistent. But I’ve been programmed by Mr. Stark to recommend that you stop patrol after harm to your wellbeing.”

 

_I heal fast, I’ll be fine!_

 

“Ehh. I’ll just drop my stuff at home and head back out ‘til May gets home.”

 

“Here’s your modified course from your current location, and these are the places you should target with your webs to lessen the impact on your leg.”

 

_Oh shit, it’s my leg. Fuck. Is it gonna interfere with my shots? Fuck fuck fuck fuck. Okay, no, it’s fine. It’s the left leg. Shots are in the right. I’m fine. It’s fine. (Better ask Karen, just to make sure.)_

 

“Hey, Karen, is the stab gonna interfere with my T at all?”

 

“Not at all, Peter.” _Thank God._ “But speaking of which, you still need to take it today, so I would recommend doing that at some point while you are home.”

 

_Right, gotta do that._

 

“Okay, sounds gouda! Nope, that was awful, I’m never saying that again.”

 

“You have one new message from Tony Stark. Would you like me to reroute to your Heads-Up Display?”

 

“Nah, just read it to me.”     

 

“ **‘** Pete, why’d I get a notification from your suit that said it’d been ripped?’”

 

_Uh oh._

 

“Yikes. Um, tell him that I ripped it on a…sticky-outy piece on a fire escape?”

 

“Would you like me to include a question mark and an ellipsis in your message?”

 

_Karen is a little shit._

 

“No, Karen, I don’t want a question mark or an ellipsis in my message.”

 

**4:17 PM-the only avengers that matter **

**You:** i ripped it on a sticky-outy piece on a fire escape   

 

“You have one ne-”

 

“Just read it, please.”

 

“‘A sticky-outy piece?’”

 

_Don’t you judge me for my kiddy language._

 

“Tell him yes a sticky-outy piece and I have to go ‘cause I’m swinging so bye with like five extra ‘e’s ‘cause it’ll annoy him.”

 

“Would you like me-”

 

“No I would not like you to include anything after the word ‘with.’”

 

**You:** yes, a sticky-outy piece and i have to go cause i’m swinging byeeeeee

 

“Peter, your heart rate has increased from the stab and the continued strain from your swinging. I would suggest that when you get home, you bandage it and stay there instead of continuing patrol.”

 

_Yikes, hate that for me._

 

“Ugh, fine.” _Aaaaaaaand there’s my window. Thwip! Okay, suit off, binder off, sweatshirt on, sweatpants, grab the sweatpants, oh shit, that’s bloody. Bathroom, water, wash that off…yikes, that’s a lot of blood, it’s a good thing May’s not home. Okay, hydrogen peroxide, clean that out, dry it off, hold the towel on it, keep the pressure, bandages…bandages…_ “Where the fuck are the bandages?”

 

“Peter?”

 

_Oh fuck._

 

“Heyyy, Aunt May.”

 

“Where are you?”

 

“Bathroom. Don’t! Don’t come in!”

 

_Hurry hurry hurry find the bandages fuck fuck fuck fuck bandages, where did I put them last? Couldn’t I just use a huge Band-Aid? Nope, that would be Not Smart™️. Where did I leave them?? I got hurt a few weeks ago, took care of that in my bedroom, we were running out of bandages so I hid them…under the sink!_

 

“Peter? Are you okay, hon?”

 

“I’m fine!” _Fuck fuck fuck, wrap that quickly, tape, tape, sweatpants on, flush the toilet so she doesn’t think anything’s wrong, throw the bloody washcloth in the trash, open the door and-_ “Yeah! All fine!”

 

“Mm-hm. Okay.”

 

_Why is she home though?_

 

“Oh, uh, Aunt May, why aren’t you at work?”

 

“I thought I’d leave early, cook something to surprise you!” _Oh God no._ “I thought you were gonna patrol, why aren’t you out?”

 

_Oof. Gotta lie now. (I am out, ha ha.)_

 

“Oh, I, uh. I decided not to, I wanna have a night in with you!”

 

_Did she buy it? …_

 

“Aw, Peter, I larb you too.” _Oh, yes please, we should get Thai instead of cooking._ “Such a good nephew. So, what should I make?”

 

“Uh, I’ve been kinda craving Thai?”   

 

“Peter, you know I can’t make Thai!”

 

_You can’t make anything._

 

“Then let’s get takeout!”

 

_Please please please…_

 

“Sure, fine, we can order takeout-” _YES!_ “-and you can tell me about that boy who’s ‘off limits.’”

 

_NO! No, please no! Why do all the adults in my life suddenly want to constantly smirk at me?_

 

“Uh. Why?”

 

“Because the minute I mentioned him you turned into a tomato and did your sweater-paws thing that you do when you’re…ya know.”

 

_Oh fuck._

 

“It-he doesn’t matter.” _Yes, he does._ “And even if he did-” _He does._ “-he’s off-limits, okay?”

 

“What does that mean, Peter? Why is this boy, out of all the guys you’ve had crushes on, off limits?”

 

_He’s not like all of those guys. He’s different. He’s special. (No no no no no no no no no.)_

 

“Perché lui deve essere!”

 

“Wow, okay, you’re going to the Italian for this? Polpetta, why?”

 

“No no no, don’t give me the ‘polpetta,’ it makes me feel like I’m five again.”

 

“Then don’t give me the condescending teenage boy tone. Okay? Yeah, there we go. Okay. Now, c’mon, tell me what’s up.”

 

“GAH! I look at him and I-I see yellow. He’s like the sun. But I can’t. Because even if he is interested-which he’s not-I’ll fuck it up like I always do, like I did with Liz, and I’d ruin everything, and he’s basically Tony’s kid and I’ll be seeing him always and he’s the kind of person I want in my life regardless, and even if we did get together-which we won’t-we’d inevitably break up, and I. Want. Him. In. My. Life. So I can’t ruin it with a fucking crush, because of course I would ruin it, so he’s. Off. Limits.”

 

_I don’t need the Pity Look._

 

“Oh, Peter. Okay, hon. Okay.”

 

_No, just-stop looking at me like that. Stop! (Ask her about Ms. Potts.)_

 

“So…what’s up with you and Pepper?”  

 

_HOLY FUCK SHE’S BLUSHING. MAY REILLY PARKER IS BLUSHING. WHAT EVEN?_

 

“Oh, nothing! I just was thinking that I, uh-need more female friends in my life, you know?”

 

_Huh. Okay. Sure._

 

“Oh. Okay. Cool.”

 

_I’m hungry. Food. Fridge. I really want cheese right now. (Oh fuck, what day is it? Nope, never mind, don’t have to deal with that.)_

 

“Hey. Peter.”

 

_That’s a Danger tone. If I turn around, she’ll have the Disappointed look. (Don’t turn around.)_

 

“Yeah?”

 

_Why the FUCK did I turn around? (At least I was right. Disappointed look.)_

 

“Why’re you limping?”

 

_FUCK. C’mon brain, think thoughts, why would I be limping, she knows about the healing factor, WHY EVEN AM I LIMPING IN THE FIRST PLACE? IT WAS A MINOR STAB! FUCKING HEALING FACTOR THAT DOESN’T EVEN WORK (It really is a shitty healing factor)._

 

“Oh, uh, I banged my leg while I was swinging home?”

 

“Okay. Mm-hm. Okay. Yeah. Why were you looking for the bandages earlier?”

 

_FUCK. (Just tell the truth.)_

 

“Uh…it was just a minor stab?”

 

“You got stabbed?”

 

“Yeah, it wasn’t anything big…” _Oh yeah, play it off like that, it’ll TOTALLY work._ “Please don’t tell Tony!”

 

“Won’t he find out when he sees the ripped suit?”    

 

“Nah, I already told him I ripped it on a fire escape.”

 

“You lied to your father, Peter?”

 

_Okay, now she’s just being mean. That is a fucking smirk and she knows it and this is mean._

 

“He is _not_ my dad!”

 

“Uh-huh. Sure. I won’t tell him-”

 

“Yes!”

 

“-but _you_ will.”

 

“No no no no, May, no.”

 

“Peter…”

 

“Yeah yeah yeah, I’ll tell him. But I won’t even see him till like, next Wednesday or something-” _Isn’t there something important next week? What is it?_ “-and by then it’ll be fine. It should be healed by tomorrow, honestly.”  

 

_Oh shit, gotta tell him I’m done with patrol. But will that make him suspicious ‘cause he knows the suit is ripped? Uhhhhhhhhh…nah, I’ll tell him anyway._

 

**4:51 PM-the only avengers that matter**

**You:** i’m home, gonna stay in tonight with may

 

_He’s typing, he’s typing, please don’t be suspicious, please don’t ask me why, I can’t deal with an overprotective dad (NOPE) right now._

 

**best avenger:** Okay kiddo, have fun

 

_Thank God._

 

“So, Thai?”

 

“Yep!" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and i'm back at it again with the italian! so...clarification about a couple things in this chapter. i know some of y’all probably used google translate to figure out the italian shit, and y’all were probably thrown off as to why may was calling peter “meatball” (polpetta=meatball). may’s italian (so i heacanon italian as peter’s first language, with english following, and then spanish), and according to the internet and my nonna, polpetta is an italian term of endearment, as are all the italian things tony calls rhodey. 
> 
> the other italian phrase is supposed to be "because he has to be" but that doesn't translate directly (according to my fluent italian friend, so it's iffy.)
> 
> anyway, tell me what you thought! (and again, we're nearing the end of my prewritten chapters, but i finished another one yesterday, and i'm halfway done with the one after that, soooo.)
> 
> how do y'all want harley to find out that peter is spidey?


	10. [and here we see ned being an idiot]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **ella** _@acebase_  
>  guys i just got mugged

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> here we go, guys. (actual plot is starting to pick up. one of the actual plots, at least.)

**ella** _@acebase_

guys i just got mugged

 

 **nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

 **@acebase** holy fuck ella are you ok???

 

 **ella** _@acebase_

 **@thenickimouseclubhouse** yeah im okay. spiderman saved me

 

 **nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

 **@acebase** jesus fuck you scared me

 

 **ella** _@acebase_

 **@thenickimouseclubhouse** sorry. but like,,the guy had a knife and spidey got stabbed and i like. wanna know if he’s okay cuz he saved me and he doesn’t have twitter so like **@IAmIronMan** you kno spidey right? is he okay? (he’s totally not gonna respond but it’s worth a try right?)

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@acebase** I’m sorry, I think I read this wrong. Spidey got WHAT?

 

 **ella** _@acebase_

holy shit he responded

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@acebase** Indeed I did. Now Spidey got WHAT? And WHERE?

 

 **ella** _@acebase_

 **@IAmIronMan** uh he got stabbed? like in his thigh i think. he told me to run so i wasn’t super close up but i saw the knife and then it was in his leg

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@acebase** Thank you for your help. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a spider to kill.

 

 **ella** _@acebase_

omg.

 

 **marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

 **@acebase** skjdjsjsjd omg

 

 **ella**   _@acebase_

 **@panwithaplan** i’m SCREAMING holy shit. (also can we talk about his reaction omg)

 

 **nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

 **@IAmIronMan** before you kill him can you tell spidey to get a twitter?

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@thenickimouseclubhouse** I’ll think about it.

 

 **ned** _@maytheforcebewithu_

 **@IAmIronMan** RIP spidey 2001-2017

 

 **ella**   _@acebase_

 **@maytheforcebewithu** OH. MY. GOD.

 

 **michelle** _@m1chellej0nes_

 **@maytheforcebewithu** NED YOU FUCKING IDIOT DELETE THE TWEET

 

 **my croissant !** _@vinesssbabyy_

 **@maytheforcebewithu** Oh my god, spiderman is a child

 

 **marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

 **@maytheforcebewithu** HOLY SHIT SPIDEYS 16 SKJHFJFRGHJHG

 

 **william** _@willnyethescienceguy_

 **@maytheforcebewithu** Spiderman can’t be 16, no way

 

 **fight me** _@ineedsleep_

 **@maytheforcebewithu** is this actually happening omg

 

 **Toit** _@StreetSmorts_

 **@maytheforcebewithu** HOLY SHIT IS THIS REAL

 

 **ben** _@benthebi_

 **@maytheforcebewithu** …spideys younger than me :0

 

 **amelia** _@ameliaaaaaaaaaah_

i can’t believe spidey’s friend outed him on twitter for being a minor sjsjsjjs what a legend

 

 **Spider-Man News** _@SpideyWatchOfficial_

In a recent tweet by **@maytheforcebewithu** , Spider-Man was revealed to be 16 years old. The tweet has since been deleted, and those who know Spider-Man (E.g: Tony Stark) have yet to comment. This tweet could be a complete lie, nothing has been confirmed as of right now.

 

 **Flash** _@smartestmanalive_

 **@maytheforcebewithu** U kno spidey??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh, peter. you're in trouble now.
> 
> anyway, lemme know what you think! what do you think harley's reaction is gonna be? ;) (also, i'm thinking i'm gonna run out of lyrics to use as the chapter titles. i should probably switch my naming situation around, any suggestions?)
> 
> come yell at me on instagram? @angxlsgrxce


	11. i never knew you were the someone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “That fucking kid, I’m gonna fucking murder him. Sorry, Harls, protect your ears and all that.”
> 
> “What happened? Is it-is Peter okay?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i almost forgot to post this, don't murder me. (it's tech week and i'm prop master and I'M STRESSED. like i think i've had multiple mental breakdowns this week already, we don't even have half of our props, but it's FINE. hahaha. yeah. i'm a theatre kid and this is what we go through. please someone shoot me.)

**.... .- .-. .-.. . -.--**

**Friday, June 30, 2017**

 

“Harley.” _Mrmph, no, go away._ “Harley, wake up.”

 

_Shhhhh I schleep. Stop bein’ so loud._

 

“Shhhhh, ‘m in bed, go ‘way.”

 

“Harley. Harley Harley Harley Harley Harl-”

 

_Shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut-_

 

“Tones, I don’t think that’s gonna get him up.” _Mmph, who’s Tones? (Tony. Dad.) Oh yeah. Him. Sleeeeeeeeeeeeep._ “Watch this, Tones. Hey, Harls. There’s pancakes.”

 

_Pancakes vs. sleep? Sleep wins._

 

“Mrrmph, don’ care.”

 

“Ha ha ha, you got all cocky and he doesn’t care at all! I’m the better dad!”

 

_That’s cute but he’s so LOUD. Shut UP I am trying to SLEEP._

 

“Can you be the better dad somewhere quieter? ‘m tryin’ to sleep.”

 

_Why did he just gasp? Which one of them gasped? It was a mock gasp, that’s for sure._

 

“He speaks!”

 

_That’s not annoying at all._

 

“Shut _up_ , Tony! I want. To sleep!”

 

“Peter’s-” _Oh, fuck. Peter. He’s so fucking cute._ “-going home soon, dontcha wanna say goodbye?”

 

_That’s fucking low._

 

“I thought-”

 

“Shut it, Rhodey bear.”

 

_Fuck, I do wanna see Peter._   

 

“Ugh, _fine_ , I’m getting up.”

 

“Ha, I knew it would work. Boom! Proof that I’m the better dad.”

 

_That’s adorable, honestly. Fuck yeah, Tony’s my dad._

 

“You  _lied_ to him, babe! That’s not good parenting! Pancakes, Harley?”

 

_What?_

 

“’m sorry, what’s this about lying to me? And yes. Please pancakes.”

 

“Peter…may or may not have already left.”

 

_That’s even lower. Wow, Tony._

 

“Yeah, Rhodey’s right. Lying isn’t good parenting.”

 

_Fuck, these pancakes are good._

 

“Well, it’s three in the afternoon! You needed to get up! And to be fair, Peter…” _Why’s he looking at his watch?_ “Literally just left.” _Ohhh._ “As in, he just left the building. So when I said he hadn’t left yet, I was technically correct.”

 

“I don’t need your technically correct-ness.” _Yeah, that’s a word._ “These pancakes are fucking good, Rhodey.” _Tony’s ‘shocked’ face is the best thing ever._ “Yeah, I know. ‘Language’ and all that.”    

 

“I don’t appreciate being disrespected in my own home!”

 

“Aw, Tones, you’re like an angry chihuahua.”

 

_Holy crap, he totally is._

 

“Disrespect, I say!”  

 

“Thank you, Harley, I appreciate the compliments. Tony has no faith in me.”

 

_Hahaha, Rhodey’s ignoring Tony._

 

“Not true, honey bear! But this tradition was my creation, anyway!”

 

_Ooh, story?_

 

“Yeah, and you almost burned down the apartment because of your ‘tradition.’”

 

“Nah, it was fine.”

 

“They had to _evacuate_ the building, babe.”

 

_STORY. Tony, get off your phone and pay attention._

 

“Okay, story. Now. Tell me.”

 

“Tones, you wanna do it or should I?”

 

“You tell it because apparently I’m remembering wrong!”

 

“Don’t sass your husband, Dad.” _Haha, Pepper quote._ “Stop looking at me like that! What?”

 

“No, it’s just-I love you, kiddo, okay?”

 

_Fuck, I might cry. (I really do have a dad now.)_

 

“Love you too.”

 

“Okay _amore mio_ , tell him the story now.”

 

“So, this was after Tony graduated MIT, and we were…still living in Massachusetts, right? Yeah. So we had an apartment together, Tones was still doing shit for MIT, as in teaching shit, ‘cause he’s surprisingly good at explaining things when he wants to be-”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Babe, you know it’s true. Uh, it was probably a few years before I went into the army, and I was just working odd jobs-”

 

“Wasting his genius brain on things like restaurants-”

 

“Woah, strong feelings about that?”

 

“You have a PhD in Aerospace Engineering, you are a literal _rocket scientist_ , and you were working as a mechanic for _restaurants_!”

 

“I appreciate your outrage, babe, but it’s in the past. I also worked for an auto shop, it wasn’t that bad. Since we both were working, we didn’t really get to eat together all that much but we both had Fridays off, so one Thursday night, Tony says that we should make it a tradition to have pancakes together and he said that he’d make me his famous pancakes-”

 

“Technically they’re Ana’s famous pancakes. I was just deemed worthy of the recipe.”

 

“I, of course, was very down to let my gorgeous boyfriend make me breakfast. So I wake up on Friday morning to the sound of the smoke detectors going off, Tony screaming, and our elderly neighbor shouting, for some reason. I go to the kitchen, the stove is completely on fire, Tony is hitting it with our broom, and our front door is open. Our neighbor was shouting from her apartment. All the way across the hall. Then the building alarms start going off, we all have to leave, the fire department comes, and after it was all over, Tony tells me-”

 

“I got distracted, okay! I had an idea, I wrote it down, I failed to notice the batter dripping onto the burner and-”

 

“Causing a fire that could’ve burned down our whole building?”

 

“Yeah. That.”     

 

_They’re so fucking cute, they love each other so much. I want someone to look at me the way Rhodey looks at Tony. Or the way Tony looks at Rhodey. It’s the same fucking look. It’s so beautiful. Now I’m being sappy but no one can hear me so it doesn’t matter._

 

“But Friday pancakes ended up being a real tradition, and here we are today.” _A-fucking-dorable._ “Hey, Tones, your phone? Twitter’s got a message for you.”

 

_What was that Look? Why does Tony look mad and worried at the same time? What happened? (Did someone die?)_

 

“That fucking kid, I’m gonna fucking murder him.” _Fuck, is it Peter? Is Peter okay?_ “Sorry, Harls, protect your ears and all that.”

 

_Haha, still parenting. (Is Peter okay is Peter okay is Peter okay?)_

 

“What happened? Is it-” _Don’t fucking say it._ “Is Peter okay?”

 

“What? Oh, yeah, he’s fine. It’s, uh. It’s Spider-Man.” _SPIDER-MAN!_ “I told you that I’m kinda mentoring him, too, right?”

 

_Yeah, right. ‘Mentoring.’ He’s another one of your kids, Tony. Don’t lie._

 

“You’ve mentioned him. What happened?”

 

_Oh, fuck, whatever that notification he just got was made him madder. (Crap, is madder a word? I should look that up later. I think it’s a word. Why am I thinking about this when other shit is going down?)_

 

“I just found out he lied to me. Sorry, Harls, I gotta go call him to sort this whole thing out.”

 

“Tones, is it an ‘us’ thing?”

 

_An ‘us’ thing as in the Avengers or as in a RhodeyandTony thing?_  

 

“Nah. I just gotta yell at him real quickly.” _Oh, yikes. Good luck, Spidey._ “It’s fine, sugar bear.”

 

“Alright. You want me make any more pancakes?”

 

“Yeah, Pep should be up soon, she’ll probably want some.” _Ooop, he’s got the phone out._ “Hey, Spidey.” _Scary tone. Scary face, too._ “Gotta talk to you ‘bout something…”

 

_Aaaand he’s gone. Too bad, I kinda wanted to hear that. I wonder if Rhodey knows when Peter’s coming back. Does he live here? Does he live…wherever he lives? Aunt? Parents? What even is his living situation? He has a room here, so he’s gotta at least stay here sometimes. (Just ask Rhodey.) NO. Bad idea. He’ll do the smirk thing that adults do when a kid’s got a crush and I’ll barely get any information. But I guess barely any is better than none._

 

“Harley. Hey, Harley. You in there? Knock knock?”

 

“Oh, uh-yeah? Sorry, I was just-” ( _Thinking about Peter.) May as well just ask him, right? But like…I can’t sound like I care too much. Just be cool. Cool as a cucumber. Okay, no. That was cringey. (It’s something Abbie would say.)_

 

“Hey, Rhodey, do you know when Peter’s coming back?” _Ah, fuck. He’s doing the smirk. Called it. (Just play it off.)_ “So we can, ya know, do more…science-y stuff?”

 

“Uh huh, yeah. Me and Tony love to do science-y stuff, too.”

 

_OH MY FUCKING GOD NO. WAS THAT A FUCKING SEX JOKE? NO. FUCK NO. THERE ARE DISGUSTING IMAGES IN MY BRAIN AND I WANT THEM GONE HOLY FUCKING SHIT RHODEY WHY???_

 

“Rhodey… _no_.”

 

_I hope my voice conveys the horror that I feel because WHY, RHODEY?_

 

“Sorry, kiddo, I had to. I had to. Peter’ll probably show back up sometime next week, probably Friday, that’s the normal schedule. This week was thrown off ‘cause of you.”

 

“Normal schedule?”

 

“Yeah, he normally spends Friday through Monday here and the rest of the week he’s home.”

 

“What’s ‘home’ for him?” _Harley that sounds so fucking weird, you’re being obsessive and stalkerish and creepy._ “Sorry, that’s weird, and it’s his business.”

 

_Stop looking at me like that, Rhodey. It’s both a pity look and a sympathy look (aren’t those synonyms? That was stupid) and I don’t like it._  

 

“He lives with his aunt in Queens. His parents died when he was a kid.” _Fuck._ “He was little. It wasn’t recent. But it’s just him and May now.”

 

_Oh, Peter._

 

“Oh.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“-yeah, love you too, kid. Bye. Okay, I’m back! Is Pep up yet?”

 

“Uh uh.” _Nope, elevator doors just opened._ “I lied, there she is.”

 

“Hey, Pepper. I-”

 

“We!”

 

“We made pancakes. How was the board meeting?”

 

“Long. Stressful. Long. Hi, Harley. No Peter?”

 

“No, he went home a little while ago.”

 

_What was that Look?_

 

“Tony.”

 

_That was an Urgent tone. What’s going on with Pepper’s phone?_

 

“Oh, _shit_.”

 

_That does not sound good._

 

“What’s wrong?”

 

“We’ve got a Twitter mess to go mop up. I don’t even know how we’re going to do it.”  

 

_What happened? Ooh, Tony looks thoughtful, how’s he gonna solve this one?_

 

“I know how, Pep. We give the kid a Twitter.” _What kid??_ “We confirm it, and we put it behind us. If we deny it, there will still be skeptics, and suspicious people are harder to deal with than believers.”

 

“Uh. What kid?”

 

_Someone please explain to the poor unknowing child that is me._

 

“Spidey.”

 

_Spidey’s the kid?_

 

“What happened?”

 

“Just check Twitter, kiddo. We’re gonna go deal with this before the PR department decides to murder Pepper. Sugar bear, you coming?”

 

“Yeah, sure.”

 

_Now I gotta go check Twitter, Jesus Christ._

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

**@maytheforcebewithu** HOLY SHIT SPIDEYS 16 SKJHFJFRGHJHG

 

“Oh my God. Holy shit.”

 

**william** _@willnyethescienceguy_

**@maytheforcebewithu** Spiderman can’t be 16, no way

 

**fight me** _@ineedsleep_

**@maytheforcebewithu** is this actually happening omg

 

**amelia** _@ameliaaaaaaaaaah_

i can’t believe spidey’s friend outed him on twitter for being a minor sjsjsjjs what a legend

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

y’all, we’ve been talking about the 16 years old part and we’ve been completely ignoring the fact that some random kid knows spiderman’s age.

 

_Woah, true. What’s the kid’s username? I’m gonna stalk him._

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

**@ZenBear** this is very valid. who the fuck is **@maytheforcebewithu**??

 

_There we go. Okay, may the force be with you, what’s your deal? 16 years old, name’s Ned, lives in Queens…what’s MSST? Probably a school, but what school?_

 

“Hey, FRI, what are schools in the area with the abbreviation ‘MSST?’”

 

“Just Midtown School of Science and Technology.”

 

_Why does that sound so familiar? This is gonna bug me, UGH._

 

**Tony Stark** @IAmIronMan

Hi Twitter. Due to a tweet made today, it was revealed that Spider-Man is 16 years old. The tweet is true, but the source is questionable. To answer some of the questions that all of you have, I’m gonna let **@therealspiderman** take over from here.

 

_‘Hi Twitter.’ That was adorable. Tony’s so old._

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

hi guys! ask me some questions! #askspidey

 

_Holy fuck, Spider-Man has a Twitter now._

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@therealspiderman** 1st of all, HOLY SHIT. 2nd of all are you actually ok?? 3rd of all, thank you for saving me!!!! oh and #askspidey i guess

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@acebase** yeah i’m fine, i have super healing so the stab is basically gone now. and i’m just happy you’re okay, you don’t need to thank me

 

_That was such a cute response. (Should I tweet him?) No, that’s stupid, I’ll probably meet him anyway._

 

**ella** _@acebase_

that was the purest reply, i love spidey and i will fight whoever disagrees

 

_Mood._

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@acebase** ssjfjkfjhf

 

_Oh my God, he keysmashed._

 

**[insert witty name here]** _@insertwittyusernamehere_

SPIDEY KEYBOARD SMASHED, HE’S ONE OF US

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@insertwittyusernamehere** omg

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

#askspidey whats the worst part about being a superhero?

 

_The imminent death, probably. (That was dark, Harley.) Everyone dies anyway. (MOVING AWAY FROM THESE THOUGHTS NOW.)_

 

**ben** _@benthebi_

#askspidey how are u a superhero if ur 16 YEARS OLD????

 

_Ben, asking the real questions here._

 

**amelia** _@ameliaaaaaaaaaah_

**@benthebi** yeah thats what i want to know too

 

**tony has all my uwus** _@IAmIronStan_

how do you balance superheroing and school? #askspidey

 

_I didn’t even think about that, holy shit. Wait, does he go to Midtown Sci and Tech, then? If that kid, Ned, knows him? But Tony said he wasn’t a reliable source. Was that a PR thing? (Wasn’t Peter’s hacker friend named Ned?)_

 

“Holy fuck!”

 

_Holy fuck holy fuck holy fuck. PETER KNOWS THIS GUY._

 

**lesbian who loves spider-man** _@hesmyplatonicsoulmate_

#askspidey whats ur favorite part about superheroing ? (also ur my hero, ilysm !!!)

 

**Flash** _@smartestmanalive_

#askspidey Do u know **@peterbparker**? And can u follow me back? U borrowed my car once!!

 

_Who the hell is this dude? Why does he think Spider-Man is gonna follow him back? (Is that Peter’s Twitter?) Oh my God, it is. (Should I follow him?) Welp, I hit the follow button, no going back now._

 

**You are now following @peterbparker**

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@panwithaplan** the PTS is pretty bad so that sucks

 

_Fuck._

 

**ella** _@acebase_

spidey has ptsd guys holy shit

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@benthebi** well i was on a field trip and i got bitten by a radioactive spider from a lab and then i woke up with powers the next morning so that was a lot. and some shit happened in my life and i realized that i needed to use the powers for good because when i don’t, Bad Things _™️_ happen.

 

**ben** _@benthebi_

**@therealspiderman** jesus christ

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@IAmIronStan** uhhh i sorta don’t? i mean i do but i also don’t. it’s complicated (also best username ever)

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

spidey is a wholeass mood akjdkf

 

_I can’t believe I just did that._

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@hesmyplatonicsoulmate** i feel honored to be your platonic soulmate, and the best part about superheroing is that i get to save people and protect the city!!

 

_Spidey is so pure._

 

**lesbian who loves spider-man** _@hesmyplatonicsoulmate_

not to be dramatic or anything but i would die for spidey

 

“Mood.”

 

“What, kid?”

 

_EEP. Oh shit, Tony’s back. How the fuck did I not hear him walk in?_

 

“Nothin’. Where’re Rhodey and Pepper?”

 

“Trying to figure out who Spidey should follow. They’re debating way too intensely about a subject that is less than important.”

 

_Eh, debatable._

 

**ella** _@acebase_

rt

 

**william** _@willnyethescienceguy_

Rt

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

rt

 

**ben** _@benthebi_

rt

 

**zoe** _@zbrxtes_

Rt

 

_Big fucking retweet._

 

“Kiddo, get off your phone.”

  
“Booo, you’re no fun. Spidey’s tweeting interesting things.”

 

_Haha, now he’s on his phone again._

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

guys no please don’t die for me

 

**adric** _@AsymetricalAdric_

**@therealspiderman** not to be dramatic or anything but i will live for spidey.

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@AsymetricalAdric** much better

 

_So pure._

 

**zoe** _@zbrxtes_

**@therealspiderman** The softest omg. Oh and #askspidey Who’s your favorite superhero?

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@zbrxtes** tony fucking stark of course

 

_Oh my God. Oh my God. Tony’s gonna start crying. Holy fuck._

 

**fred** _@sadsquatch_

**@therealspiderman** you mean that bitch Iron Man?

 

_Fuck this dude. (I should get Rhodey to come prevent Tony from crying.)_

 

**4:04 PM-the tony stark protection squad**

**You:** rhodey stop arguing with pep about who spideys following an come get ur husband

**You:** and pep stop arguing w rhodey and come get ur bff

 

**iron dad 2:** Is something wrong?

 

**iron mom:** Did something happen?

 

**You:** spidey called him his favorite hero or smth idfk

 

**iron dad 2:** We’re coming down

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@sadsquatch** no i mean tony fucking stark who is one of the smartest people in the world and is my hero, WITHOUT the fucking iron man suit.

 

_TONY’S CRYING NOW, HOLY SHIT. Oh, thank God, Rhodey and Pepper are here here._

 

“Hey, Tones, what’s up?”

 

“He-he called me a hero, _amore mio_. _His_ hero.”

 

“‘Cause you are a hero, Dad.”

 

_FUCK I MADE HIM CRY HARDER._

 

“I gotta respond to him now.”

 

“Ya know, you could-”

 

**Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

**@therealspiderman** Kid...

 

“-text him. Or not. Ya know. Whatever. Don’t listen to your original kid.”

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@IAmIronMan** yeah yeah, cursing blah blah blah

 

“Haha, he’s calling you out for being such a dad.”

 

“Shh, Harley.”

 

_Sorry, Pepper._

 

**Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

**@therealspiderman** No not that

 

**Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

**@therealspiderman** Never mind

 

“Hey, babe, shh, shh. I’ve got you.”

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

i would like to announce that tony stark is sobbing in his husbands arms. this announcement is completely unrelated to his most recent tweets.  

 

“Fuck you, Harley.”

 

“Language, Tony!”

 

“Harley, do you realize what you just did?”

 

_No, what did I do, Pepper?_

 

**tony has all my uwus** _@IAmIronStan_

**@themechanic** 1\. adorable. 2. who are you

 

_Oh shit, that’s what I did._

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

oh shit

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@IAmIronStan** WAIT TONY FOLLOWS THIS KID

 

_FUCK._

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

OH SHIT

 

**@therealspiderman is now following you**

 

“HOLY FUCK! Spidey’s following me!”

 

“Harls, I’m gonna introduce you guys eventually, if you haven’t already met.”

 

_Huh?_

 

“No, of course we haven’t met yet.”

 

_Why did they just smirk at each other? (Christ, I hope it’s not a sex thing, I don’t need that in my life.)_

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

GUYS. _[screenshot.jpeg]_

 

“Uh oh.”

 

“Heh, welcome to the spotlight, kid.”

 

“Leave me alone, Rhodey. I don’t need your input. We been knew that I don’t realize what I’m doing.”

 

_Rhodey has no idea what I just said. Poor, uneducated, Gen X._

 

**my croissant !** _@vinesssbabyy_

AHHH SPIDEY’S FOLLOWING HIM NOW

 

**my croissant !** _@vinesssbabyy_

#askspidey DO YOU KNOW **@themechanic** ?????

 

_Uh oh._

 

“Tony, what do I do?”

 

“Well, if Pe-if Spidey’s gonna answer that question, then I have to tell him what to say, one sec.” _(What was that slip-up? Sounded like he was gonna say Peter. He probably just gets his Iron Children confused, he’s got three now, if not more.)_ _Is he calling him or texting him?_ “Hey, Spidey.” _Welp, that answers that question._ “You gonna answer that question? Uh huh. Okay. That works. Thanks, kid. You know, you’re allowed to say it. You don’t have to keep apologizing. Love you too.”

 

_AWWWWWWWW._

 

“Aw, Tones, is that a thing now?”

 

“Shut it, platypus. Don’t look at me like that, Pep. Okay, Harley, he’s gonna respond to it, you’re probably gonna get a burst of followers, so you’re no longer allowed to tweet…weird things. Ignore DMs too, okay?” _Boo, those would be fun to answer. ‘Are you Tony Stark’s illegitimate child?’ ‘I dunno, am I?’ I wish._ “Harls, c’mon, don’t give me that face.”

 

“Ugh, fine.”   

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** @therealspiderman

**@vinesssbabyy** yes, i know him. i haven’t met him yet, but tony’s talked about him before. he’s an intern for SI and tony’s known him for a few years now.

 

“YOU’VE TALKED ABOUT ME TO SPIDER-MAN?”

 

“Of course I have.” _Why does that make me want to cry, holy shit._ “You’re amazing, kid, and I’m so proud of you, of course I’m gonna boast about you.”

 

_Fuck, now I’m crying._

 

“Th-thanks, Tony.”

 

“C’mere, kiddo.”

 

**James Rhodes** _@Rhodey_

Update: Tony is still crying, and now Harley is crying as well. They’re sitting on the floor of our kitchen, hugging each other. **@PepperPotts** is not helping, she’s just smiling at the two of them. JFC I cannot deal with this much Stark right now.

 

“Fuck off, Rhodey.”

 

“Yeah, fuck off, honey bear.”

 

**lesbian who loves spider-man** _@hesmyplatonicsoulmate_

**@Rhodey** this is the cutest fucking thing ever, holy shit

 

**they did surgery on a grape** _@maryandmemes_

**@Rhodey** Guys Im gonna cry this is so soft, sorry its not meme related but wow, I love an iron family

 

_Aww, ‘iron family.’_

 

**mere** _@musicalsforlifeee_

**@Rhodey** if anyone tries to hurt this family, i’ll murder them

 

_Aggressive but appreciated._

 

**snotabelle** _@greasycowboy_

**@Rhodey** my. HEART.

 

**amelia** _@ameliaaaaaaaaaah_

**@maryandmemes** HOLY FUCK YES #ironfamily

 

**tony has all my uwus** _@IAmIronStan_

#ironfamily

 

**nothing can stahp me** _@livingmybestlife_

#ironfamily

 

_Holy shit, this is a thing now._

 

**my croissant !** _@vinesssbabyy_

#ironfamily

 

**adric** _@AsymetricalAdric_

#ironfamily

 

“Boss, ‘hashtag iron family’ is trending now.”

 

_It’s a Thing™️ now._

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

okay that’s all the questions i’ll be answering for now, but feel free to keep asking! #askspidey (and also #ironfamily)

 

**Flash** _@smartestmanalive_

**@therealspiderman** But…u didnt answer mineee

 

_Who IS this guy?_

 

“Hey, Tony, who’s Flash?”

 

“Someone who goes to school with Peter, I think. He’s on the Academic Decathlon team with him, too.”

 

_Huh. (Peter’s on the AcaDec team, that’s so nerdy and cute.)_

 

**michelle** _@m1chellej0nes_

**@smartestmanalive** haha eugene get rekt

 

_Oh my God, his name is Eugene? OH MY GOD, SPIDEY LIKED THAT TWEET._

 

“Spidey doesn’t seem to like him.”

 

“Huh, I’ve never heard Peter say anything bad about him. Not! Not that that’s related to Spidey’s dislike. Anyway.”

 

_Why did Rhodey just mutter something that sounded like ‘Smooth, babe’ under his breath? What are they hiding?_

 

**Spider-Man News** _@SpideyWatchOfficial_

To recap (because a lot has happened today): Spider-Man is 16 years old, he now has a Twitter, Tony Stark is an Emotional Dad, and **@themechanic** is one of Tony’s other Iron Children. #ironfamily is trending, my crops are thriving, my skin is clear. We stan an emotionally vulnerable family.

 

_Nice recap. Imma follow them._

 

**You are now following @SpideyWatchOfficial**

 

**Spider-Man News** _@SpideyWatchOfficial_

**@SpideyWatchOfficial** Update: **@themechanic** is now following me. I’m soft.

 

_That was fast as fuck._

 

“Kiddo, what do you want to do for dinner?”

 

“I dunno.”

 

**@IAmIronStan is now following you**

 

**@livingmybestlife is now following you**

 

**@vinesssbabyy is now following you**

 

**@AsymetricalAdric is now following you**

 

**@drarryisreal is now following you**

 

**@hesmyplatonicsoulmate is now following you**

 

**@maryandmemes is now following you**

 

**@musicalsforlifeee is now following you**

 

**@greasycowboy is now following you**

 

**@ameliaaaaaaaaaah is now following you**

 

**@natythespidey is now following you**

 

**@thenickimouseclubhouse is now following you**

 

**@acebase is now following you**

 

**@willnyethescienceguy is now following you**

 

**@panwithaplan is now following you**

 

**@benthebi is now following you**

 

**@peterbparker is now following you**

 

**@ineedsleep is now following you**

 

**@StreetSmorts is now following you**

 

**@jakeyboy is now following you**

 

**@ZenBear is now following you**

 

**@saucepanscientist is now following you**

 

_Holy crap, that’s a lot of new followers in ten seconds. (Wait, did it say Peter’s following me now?) Yes, it did say that._

 

“That’s a big smile you got there, Harls.”

 

“Shut up, Tony.”

 

_And stop looking at me like that. You don’t know what I’m smiling at. (Peter’s following me back, Peter’s following me back.)_

 

“C’mon, put the phone away and let’s actually cook. Honey bear, Pep, help? Harls, get up.”

 

“Okay, fine, coming.”

 

_Peter’s following me back, Peter’s following me back._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote the first phonecall tony has with peter for funsies, so...
> 
>    
> “Hey, Spidey. Gotta talk to you ‘bout something.” 
> 
> “Hey, Mr-Tony! What’s with the ‘Spidey?’ Do you need me? Is there a mission?” 
> 
> “Nope. Just calling to check in, find out how that stab wound is.” 
> 
> “W-what? No, I didn’t-I didn’t get stabbed, what are you talking about?”
> 
> “Pete. The girl you saved tweeted about it; she was worried about you so she tweeted me, asking if I knew if you were okay. Obviously, I was shocked, because I was under the impression that your suit was ripped on a fire escape. I wonder why I thought that. Care to explain why you lied?” 
> 
> “It’s fine, I’m fine! I lied because I don’t need you worrying about me all the time!”
> 
> “I worry because I care, Peter. I care about you. And I don’t want to think about you getting hurt, or about you lying to me. What if it wasn’t a small stab? What if-what if you were dying?” 
> 
> “Shit. Okay. I know. I’m sorry I lied.”
> 
> “Yeah, damn right you’re sorry. We good?”
> 
> “Yeah. Oh, why’d the girl tweet you?”
> 
> “‘Cause you don’t have a Twitter for your Spidey persona. Which is something we should fix. That would be a huge PR boost. Think about it, okay? Sorry I interrupted your May time. Go have fun.”
> 
> “Okay, Tony. Bye, love you! Fuck. I mean-” 
> 
> “Yeah, love you too, kid.”
> 
>  
> 
> hope you enjoyed that and this chapter! (i hate this week so much, i'm legitimately so close to tears on a constant basis.)


	12. [mj's gAY]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **peter parker** _@peterbparker_  
>  **@m1chellej0nes** MJ sTOP BEING THIRSTY ON MAIN

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> skdjhk i almost forgot to post again, last night was opening night, it went pretty well. hope y'all enjoy this!

**Spider-Man Is A Minor??????**

**Posted on July 1, 2017, at 2:03 a.m.**

**James Thompson (Buzzfeed Staff)**

Yesterday, some interesting information was unleashed upon the world through Twitter (as most things are these days.) In response to a Twitter thread between Tony Stark and users **@acebase** and **@thenickimouseclubhouse** , in which Stark “threatened” to kill Spider-Man for lying about a stab wound, user **@maytheforcebewithu** tweeted “RIP spidey 2001-2017”

This caused an extreme uproar on Twitter, and many fans of Spider-Man freaked out over the age of their hero. The tweet was almost immediately deleted (user **@m1chellej0nes** encouraged the deletion of it, perhaps they both know Spidey?) but Tony Stark confirmed the nature of it, and then made a new announcement:

 **Tony Stark** @IAmIronMan

Hi Twitter. Due to a tweet made today, it was revealed that Spider-Man is 16 years old. The tweet is true, but the source is questionable. To answer some of the questions that all of you have, I’m gonna let **@therealspiderman** take over from here.

Spidey now has a Twitter!!! The (young) vigilante opened the floor for questions with #askspidey and answered all sorts of things about his superheroing ways. With this, another secret related to the life of Tony Stark was revealed through a tweet by user **@themechanic** , who said “i would like to announce that tony stark is sobbing in his husbands arms. this announcement is completely unrelated to his most recent tweets.” It was then pointed out that Harley ( **@themechanic** ) was followed by Stark, and then Spider-Man himself began following him. Spidey then said that Harley is an intern for Stark Industries and that Tony has known him for a few years. Both Spider-Man and Harley appear to be like sons to Tony Stark and possibly James Rhodes as well. So far, this is all the information we have on the #ironfamily.  

 

**\---**

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

guys i just realized something else about spidey being 16

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@ZenBear** it’s probably why he hasn’t signed the accords

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@ZenBear** everyone was freaking out and calling him a vigilante/illegal hero but really he’s just underage and can’t sign legally binding contracts

 

 **marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

 **@ZenBear** ur so right omg (are u like our detective now uve been pointing out all of these things)

 

 **jake** _@jakeyboy_

 **@panwithaplan** She already is our detective dude

 

 **marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

 **@jakeyboy** u right, u right

 

 **michael** _@saucepanscientist_

 **@ZenBear** holy shit ur right

 

 **snuffles** _@snufflestep_

 **@ZenBear** omg. **@IAmIronMan** is this theory true?? (will he sign when he’s 18)

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@snufflestep** It’s really less of a theory and more like a factually/legally correct fact. And yes, it is highly likely he will sign when he’s 18, if he chooses to continue as Spidey. (And he has a Twitter now, ask him these questions, he needs to learn independence.)

 

 **snuffles** _@snufflestep_

 **@IAmIronMan** yeah but u seem more like the legal person

 

 **Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

 **@snufflestep** That’s funny. Me. A legal person. I just do what Pepper tells me to, honestly.

 

 **ella** _@acebase_

 **@IAmIronMan** this is the best asjfgiasjh

 

 **Buzzfeed** _@BuzzfeedNews_

The Release Of Spidey’s Age Shows Why He Hasn’t Signed The Accords, click to read our article!

 

 **jake** _@jakeyboy_

 **@ZenBear** Wow cant believe Buzzfeed blatantly stole your point

 

 **lizzie** _@ZenBear_

 **@jakeyboy** THEY JUST UPDATED IT TO CREDIT ME I’M SCREAMING OMG

 

 **michelle** _@m1chellej0nes_

 **@IAmIronMan** i’m kinda late but i’d also do whatever pepper tells me to

 

 **peter parker** _@peterbparker_

 **@m1chellej0nes** MJ sTOP BEING THIRSTY ON MAIN

 

 **michelle** _@m1chellej0nes_

 **@peterbparker** sorry, too busy stanning pepper cause i’m gAY

 

 **peter parker** _@peterbparker_

 **@m1chellej0nes** STOPPPPPP

 

 **ella** _@acebase_

 **@peterbparker @m1chellej0nes** i reevaluate everything, THIS is the best asifjlialkjfi

 

 **Pepper Potts** _@PepperPotts_

 **@m1chellej0nes** I’m flattered, MJ.

 

 **michelle** _@m1chellej0nes_

HOLY FUCK HOASLKJFKhilkAHWFIBGEioghldksbvigohesdlnkc KSAJHFGUsikbgruhbALIHoLB/SIoghlbk/igwebL;jbdvihglef

 

 **(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

 **@PepperPotts** pepper you broke her

 

 **(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

 **@IAmIronMan** and hey, i am independent!!!

 

**\---**

**The Release Of Spidey’s Age Shows Why He Hasn’t Signed The Accords**

**Posted on July 1, 2017, at 5:17 a.m.**

**Elizabeth Jackson (Buzzfeed Staff)**

With the new information that we have about Spider-Man’s age (16 years old!!!), we now have an answer to a question people have been asking since his scuffle with Captain America in a German airport: “Why hasn’t Spider-Man signed the Sokovia Accords?” People have been speculating why this is for the past year, with the most popular theory being that Spider-Man is a minor and cannot legally sign the Accords yet. Many who have interacted with the hero have encouraged this theory, asserting that his voice sounds young and that he most likely is a teenager. With the new news of Spidey’s age, it confirms this theory. (User **@ZenBear** on Twitter also came to the same conclusion we have.) Many have breathed a sigh of relief at this news; people have worried that Spider-Man’s refusal to sign the Accords could lead to another incident like Captain America caused, but with the announcement that he will sign when he is 18, support for the already popular hero has increased. #welovespidey!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lemme know what you think, and if you like the articles or not?
> 
> kudos and comments fuel me and make me a better writer ;)


	13. waiting for me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **8:31 PM-the only avengers that matter**  
>  **best avenger:** Kid, please get your friend to stop hacking into my multi-million dollar tech  
>  **best avenger:** That being said, I’ll give him access anyway. He’s smart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhh guys i'm so sorry!! i know i was supposed to post yesterday, i'm really sorry sksksk. but it's a long chapter, if that helps ? :)
> 
> i also realized i didn't respond to any comments last chapter, but i read them all and thank you all so much!!
> 
> SLIGHT TW FOR MENTIONS OF RAPE, NON-GRAPHIC.

**.--. . - . .-.**

**Monday, July 3, 2017**

 

**8:04 PM-NERDVENGERS**

**You:** mj are you okay

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** uhhhhh

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** not sure

 

_Reasonable reaction to being noticed by your idol, even if said idol is someone that I CAN ACTUALLY INTRODUCE HER TO._

 

**my guy in the chair:** What happened???????????????????

 

_Poor oblivious Ned._

 

**You:** check twitter ned

 

**my guy in the chair:** I cant I was threatened with death by both mj and ur dad if I even open Twitter again in the next 2 weeks before all the age shit dies down

 

_Fair, seeing as he gave away my age. (‘ur dad’ ‘ur dad’ ‘ur dad.’)_

 

**You:** okay gimme one sec

 

_Now I gotta go to Twitter, find the thread, here we go, screenshot it, and send._

 

**You:** _[screenshot.jpeg]_

 

**my guy in the chair:** OMG OMG OMG MJ MJ MJ OMG

 

**You:** right??

**You:** so mj are you okay?

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** uhh i’m definitely crying so that’s a thing

 

_Aww, MJ has feelings. (You knew she had feelings, you dumbfuck.)_

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** GUUYSFE;IHohoiHEFKNIHOKNHIVDKLNJDIGNRLIFVJLIAJDLIVGNROAJOFPEJGL:klFEKJ

 

_Oh my God, is she okay?_

 

**my guy in the chair:** r u ok???

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** IM SOBBING NOW

 

**You:** why???

 

_It’s obvious why she’s crying, maybe something else happened and you should specify that you’re asking about THAT, idiot. (Wow, my anxiety’s really acting up today.)_

 

**You:** like, did something else happen?

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** peppER just dmd me aoaigjohnldkzhisf kahlkfiewlAKDLJFONfdojkdsnf

 

_She’s really upset now; no proper grammar._

 

**my guy in the chair:** Omg omg omg omg whatd she say??

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** that she’s heard a lot of amazing things about me from peter and that she’d be honored if she ever got a chance to work with me

 

T _hat’s amazing. She could be Pepper’s personal intern! (Does Pepper already have a personal intern? I’ll have to check. MJ already has a higher clearance than all the personal interns/assistants anyway.) Wait, what IS her clearance?_

 

**You:** akasajfiosjg that’s awesome

 

**my guy in the chair:** IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU

**my guy in the chair:** _[[mylittlebabyisallgrownup.gif]](https://www.google.com/url?q=https://tenor.com/Zhs4.gif&sa=D&ust=1555510790406000&usg=AFQjCNFWCcDy3dasRyOQAqVgBpHbq1nLgw) _

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** ned, stop it with the memes.

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** but thank you.

 

**my guy in the chair:** :}}

**my guy in the chair:** Peter r u patrolling tonight

 

_Yeah, I probably should._

 

**You:** probably

 

_I wonder if that stab is fully gone now? (Fucking shitty healing factor.) Yay, all healed!_

 

**You:** my stab is healed so definitely

 

_Oh, I know why Ned asked._

 

**You:** you wanna tap into the suits comms, don’t you

 

**my guy in the chair:** Desperately

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** loser

 

**You:** rude

 

_Oh fuck, Ned distracted me._

 

**You:** hey what’s y’all’s clearance level?

 

**my guy in the chair:** For si?

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** of course for SI, dummy.

 

_*Dum-E_

 

“Haha.”

 

_I just laughed at my own joke, I’ve reached the highest level of lame._

 

**my guy in the chair:** :/

**my guy in the chair:** Silver smth

**my guy in the chair:** Idk

**my guy in the chair:** I can check my badge gimme a sec

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** it’s silver 7. ned’s useless.

 

_Yup, that’s higher than all the other PAs/PIs. (Heh, Private Investigators.) Wait, PAs have different clearance from PIs. Uhhh._

 

“Karen, what’s the clearance level for PAs of department heads?”

 

“Bronze 8.”

 

_Ohhhh._

 

**my guy in the chair:** Ur mean

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** thank you.

 

**You:** omg.

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** that better have been an ironic ‘omg,’ parker.

 

**You:** omg.

 

**my guy in the chair:** Omg.

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** [knife emoji]

 

**You:** OMG.

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** :/

 

**my guy in the chair:** So peter can I help u patrol tonight??

 

_Patrol’s more fun when Ned helps._

 

**You:** yeah of course

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** what am i supposed to do then?

 

_Aw, MJ._

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** not that i need you losers or anything.

 

**my guy in the chair:** I could link u into the comms too?

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** really?

 

**my guy in the chair:** Yeah!

 

_I love my friends so much. But they’re kinda idiots sometimes._

 

**You:** uhh. karen can just connect mj’s call to my suit?

 

“Right? You can do that?”

 

“Of course, Peter!”

 

_I love my AI so much._

 

**my guy in the chair:** But then i wouldnt be linked in

 

_Oh righhhht._

 

**You:** oh.

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** peter, you dummy

 

**my guy in the chair:** AnYwAyS

**my guy in the chair:** What time r u starting patrol?

 

_Uhh, what time is it right now?_

 

“Karen, time?”

 

“It’s 8:19 P.M., Peter.”

 

_Oh, I could’ve just looked at my fucking phone, I’m an idiot._

 

**You:** like,,5 minutes?

 

**my guy in the chair:** THATS NOT ENOUGH TIME FOR ME TO HACK THE SUIT DUDE

 

**You:** SORRY! i can leave whenever then

 

_Wait, the suit’s not wireless._

 

**You:** don’t you need to be plugged in to hack it?

 

**my guy in the chair:** Yeah im walking over there now

 

_Huh._

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** wow, ned. did you leave as soon as he said that you could hack the suit?

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** ned?

 

**You:** mJ hES wALkInG

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** yeah, like that’s gonna stop him from answering his texts

 

_Oh fuck, she’s right. (What if he’s dead, what if he’s dead?)_

 

**my guy in the chair:** Im here i was crossing the street fdfkgjijor

 

_I need to stop stressing, wow._

 

**my guy in the chair:** And yeah i did

**my guy in the chair:** U kno it

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** what math are you guys in for next year?

 

_That was a random topic change._

 

**You:** ap calc and ap stats i think

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** you’re doing both?

 

**You:** i think so cuz i already completed my elective creds and i had a free spot

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** so you’re doing BOTH? as in, you CHOSE to?

 

_Wait, no. That’s not right._

 

**You:** no wait

**You:** my free spot is ap bio. and then also ap calc for my math

**You:** and then the required physics

**You:** ned’s doing ap stats

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** so i’ll have at least one of you dorks suffering through stats with me

 

**You:** are schedules out yet?

 

_That was a stupid question, you know they come out August, why are you trying to make small talk?_

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** not yet

 

**You:** cool

 

_That was so awkward, what the fuck, Peter. (I should probably tell May that Ned is coming over.)_

 

**8:23 PM-keeping up with the parkers**

**You:** ned’s coming over in a few minutes to help me with patrol btw

 

“Peter, you could’ve just told me, I’m literally right here!”

 

“Oops.”

 

**8:24 PM-NERDVENGERS** **  
** **You:** wait do we have summer homework?

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** yeah

 

_Fuuuuuck. Now I gotta check the website and do all the work and I only have a month and a half and this is an issue and why didn’t I think about this before and fuck fuck-_

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** stop freaking out about it, you have 2 months to do it.

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** okay?

 

_She’s such a good friend._

 

**You:** okay.

 

**my guy in the chair:** _[thefaultinourstarsjgreen.gif]_

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** shut up, ned.

 

**my guy in the chair:** [B]eter Im almost there

 

“May, he’s almost here!”

“Okay, hon!”

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** i’m almost there too

 

_Wait, what?_

 

**You:** wut

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** yeah, ned can’t link me into the comms without my phone, plus i figured it’d be easier if we were just. both there.

 

_She really is super unsure about her friendship with us and wow, that fucking sucks. She’s the best._

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** sorry. should’ve told you.

 

**You:** no no no no, you don’t have to, ned didn’t! i’m happy both of you are coming!

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** (:

 

**You:** :)

 

**my guy in the chair:** here

 

“Peter, Ned’s here! Oh, and-”

 

“It’s MJ right now. My color’s pink.”

 

“And MJ!”

 

_I love Aunt May, she’s the fucking best._

 

“Thanks, May! Ned, you have your computer?”

 

“Yup. Move your shi-crap, move your crap off your desk, dude.”

 

_Thank you for censoring your language while the door is still open and May can still hear._

“Sorry, sorry, just shove it to the side. There’s the suit. MJ, can you get the door? Thanks.”

 

“Okay, I already have a path into the comms, so it shouldn’t take that long for me to reestablish that link…”

 

_Ned’s a fucking genius, he’s the best. (I am being very repetitive in my thoughts right now. Everyone’s the best, I guess.)_

 

“Thanks for letting me come.”

 

_That was really quiet, I don’t even think Ned heard her. (I hate how she’s doubting herself, she’s always allowed to come.)_

 

“MJ, please stop doubting our friendship.” _Quieter, Peter, Ned’s gonna hear._ “You’re always welcome here, and I fucking love you, okay?”

 

“Peter-”

 

“You better not be about to argue with me.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

“Peter, you have one new message from Tony Stark.”

 

**8:31 PM-the only avengers that matter**

**best avenger:** Kid, please get your friend to stop hacking into my multi-million dollar tech

**best avenger:** That being said, I’ll give him access anyway. He’s smart.

 

“Oh! I’m in!”

 

_Oh my God._

 

“Uh. Tony knows you’ve been hacking his, and I quote, ‘multi-million dollar tech.’” _MJ’s hair tickles._ “MJ, move your head, your hair tickles.”

 

“Peter, what?”

 

_Ned sounds vaguely scared._

 

“Yeah, he just texted me.”

 

“I can’t believe your contact name for him is ‘best Avenger.’”

 

_Stop laughing at me, MJ._

 

“Well, he is!”

 

“He’s Iron Man, MJ, who else do you wanna give the title of best Avenger?”

 

“Pepper.”

 

_Oh my God._

 

“Oh my God.” _Jinx._ “Wait, no, that’s a tangent we’re not dealing with right now.” _Now we don’t have time to unpack all of that._ “Peter, _what_ did Tony Stark-our Lord and Saviour-say?”

 

_I mean, he’s right, but that’s a lot. (But he’s RIGHT.)_

 

“Christ, Ned, and you say I thirst too much.”

 

“I’m not thirsting! It’s Tony fucking Stark, do you want me to treat him like a commoner?”

 

_Yeah, probably._

 

“Actually, I think Tony prefers it when people treat him as an actual human rather than _Iron Man_.”

 

“Except when it’s you.”

 

_What does she mean by that?_

 

“Huh?”

 

“He doesn’t actually believe he’s a hero, so he’d rather that people treat him as a normal human being because he doesn’t think he’s deserving of ‘hero worship,’ except when you-his _kid_ -does it, because it’s genuine and real and it makes him start to believe it.”

 

_Holy fuck._

 

“MJ’s the Iron Man whisperer.”

 

“Ned, shut up. I’m just observant. Stark acts a specific way around Peter ‘cause he loves him like his kid.”

 

_I-_

 

“Peter, shut up, you know it’s true.”

 

“I didn’t say anything!”

 

“No, but you were about to. That being said, I still don’t like him. But he’s okay.”

 

_Stop calling me out, MJ._

 

“Oh my God, we went on _another_ tangent. Stop distracting him, MJ! He still has to answer my question about how the fuck _Tony Stark_ realized I was hacking him, and if he’s gonna kill me.”

 

“Ned, he’s not gonna kill you. He likes you, he thinks you’re really smart, and he’s probably scared that you are actually able to hack his tech. He gave you access, by the way, that’s how you got in so fast. And he knew you were hacking him ‘cause of-” _Wait, I don’t actually know._ “Uh. Karen, how’d he know?”

 

“Tony gets alerted whenever someone attempts to hack the suit.”

 

“But I cover my tracks!”

 

“I’m an AI, Ned. You talked about hacking my software in my presence.”

 

_She sounds exasperated, how the fuck does Tony do that?_

 

“They’re becoming self-aware.”

 

_Did Ned just stage whisper?_

 

“She’s an AI, Ned! It’s kind of in her description!”

 

“I know! But-”

 

_I still have to change. Fuck. (You’ve changed in front of Ned before, why are you being weird about this?) Probably because I’m not comfortable in my body and I don’t like being reminded of that? Now I’m having a conversation with myself._

 

“Okay, I’m gonna go put my suit on now that you have access.”

 

“We can turn around if you’d rather change in here, Peter. Whichever is most comfortable for you.”

 

_I love her._

 

“Yeah, exactly!”

 

_I love him too._

 

“It’s fine, I’ll just change in the bathroom and go out that window. That’s where the fire escape is anyway, it’s easier than going out my bedroom window.”

 

_(Uh huh, that’s the reason you’re changing in the bathroom.) Shut up. Grab suit, grab binder, get phone, mask, got all my stuff, there we go._

 

“Okay. Lemme know when you’re in the suit, I’ll check comms. MJ, can you…”

 

_Close bedroom door,_ “Hi May! Bye May!” _bathroom, binder on, suit on, phone in inside pocket, compress suit, mask on-_

 

“Are you leaving for patrol now, hon?”

 

“Yeah! Ned and MJ are probably gonna sleepover ‘cause they’re helping, sorry I forgot to tell you!”

 

“I assumed they were, hon! Be safe, okay?”

 

“Okay, love you!” _Window open, forgot to put my mask on, mask on._ “Bye May!”

 

“Bye Peter, love you too!”

 

_And onto the fire escape, close window-_

 

“Spidey, Spidey, testing one, two, three…Spidey, you read me? Ouch!”

 

_Sounds like MJ just pinched him._

 

“Ned, you’re such an idiot. Peter, you there?”

 

“I read you, loud and clear.”

 

“Ha! Peter- _Spidey’s_ doing it too.”

 

“You guys are such dorks.”

 

_But she loves us anyway._

 

“Okay, Spidey, traffic cams are showing someone trying to break into a car at 63rd and 108th, you ready?”

 

_Yes yes yes, thwip!_

 

“Yup, here we go.”    

 

**\---**

 

“Okay Spidey, someone called in a mugging at Austin and Yellowstone, but there’s no police in the area-”

 

“On it! Karen?”

 

“Route mapped, turn left here.”

 

**\---**

 

“Peter, there’s-”

 

“Don’t call him Peter! He’s Spidey right now!”

 

“Yeah, no, no one can hear us.”

 

“MJ’s right! Give her the mic back and let her tell me what’s going on.”

 

“A runner that’s gonna hit you if you keep going straight, he’s coming from 69th and the cops do not have their shit together.”

 

“Yep, I hear ‘em. Got it. Thanks, MJ.”

 

**\---**

 

“Break-in just got called in at your right, swing down and you’re right there.”

 

“Thanks, Ned!”

 

**\---**

 

“There’s a-”

 

“Shh, I hear something, I think-” _(DANGER DANGER DANGER DANGER-) Whisper._ “A guy’s got someone cornered, call an ambulance at my signal in case she needs one.”

“Peter-”

 

“No, shut up, I need to focus.”

 

_Swing down, quiet, land behind him, there we go, don’t let him here, does she see, yes, how close is he to her? Not that close, but she has no space to run, he’s big, but one punch to his head should do it, and…_

 

“Aww, sweetie, there’s no need to hide, I ain’t gonna hurt you.”

 

_Now! Fuck, didn’t hit hard enough, he’s still up, gotta stop pulling my punches-_

 

“Oh, it’s ‘Spider-Man’ coming to save ya. Run along, ‘Spidey,’ I was just having a talk with her.”

 

_One more punch, and now! There we go._

 

“I don’t approve of rapists.”

 

“GO SPIDEY!”

 

“That was really badass, Peter.”

 

_Okay, as much as I appreciate their support, I have to deal with the victim, and that would be very helpful without them cheering in my ear, so-_

 

“Karen, mute comms.”

 

“Muted.”

 

“Okay, hey, I’m not gonna hurt you.” _Hands up, move slowly._ “Are you okay? Did he touch you before I got here?”

 

“Y-yeah, I’m okay, he didn’t-he didn’t hurt me. I just-I’m just-it was just-”

 

_Fuck, she’s crying._

 

“Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe now. I’m gonna get you home, okay? Can I hug you?”

 

“Please.”

 

“Shh, it’s okay. You’re safe. I’ve got you. You’re safe.”

 

“Th-thank you. I was-I was so scared.”

 

“I know. But you’re safe now. Do you want to call the police, report it?”

 

“Maybe, I-I’ll figure it out when I get home.”

 

_Right, I’ve gotta get her home._

 

“Where do you live? Is it close?”

 

“Yeah, I’m in the building right there. I was almost home when he-when he-”

 

_Don’t let her talk about it, she doesn’t want to._

 

“Okay. C’mon, let’s get you home.” _Cross the street, keep holding her, get her to the door, make sure she’s safe._ “Can you get up to your apartment okay? You want me to walk you up?”

 

“N-no. I’ve got it. But…thank you. Really. _Thank you_.”

 

“Just doing my job.”

 

“I know. You’re a hero. And you’re the best one we have.” _I-_ “Aw, Spidey, did I make you speechless? You? Our sassiest hero?”

 

“Y-yeah. You did. Thank _you_ for saying that.”

 

“G’night, Spider-Man.”

 

“Night.” _Thwip!_ “Unmute comms, please, Karen.”

 

“Unmuted.”

 

“Sorry I muted you guys, I had to talk to her. She’s home now.”

 

“We know. We could still hear you, Parker. You just couldn’t hear us.”

 

_Oh. Right. Shit._

 

“I’ve never heard you interacting with people like that before.”

 

_Ned seems-surprised?_

 

“Well, when you help with patrol, I don’t normally encounter heavy stuff. But yeah, I-uh, I do that sorta stuff a lot. Walk people home, make sure they’re safe.”

 

“She was right. You’re the best hero.”

 

_Fuck, MJ’s gonna make me cry._    

 

“T-thanks.”

 

“Okay, back to business. We’ve got another break in on 70th, it’s a jewelry store, Karen already has the location.”

 

“Got it, I’m heading there now.”

 

**\---**

 

“Ned hacked into the police scanner, the cops are having difficulty with _something_ on the east side of Yellowstone Park, they keep calling for backup, but nothing’s being specified.”

 

“Okay, I’m sorta close. I’ll check back in when I’m there.”

 

**\---**

 

“It’s a cult meeting.”

 

“What?”

 

“People are in a circle around a fire, chanting in Latin. It’s a cult. They’re not doing any damage, the cops are just trying to get them to put out the fire. I’m…gonna leave it for them.”

 

“I-”

 

“Yeah. Gimme something else, Ned?”

 

“There’s a mugging two blocks back from you that just got reported by a bystander-”

 

“I see him, one sec!”

 

**\---**

 

“Break-in at 102nd and Lewis.”

 

**\---**

 

“Noise complaint at 99th and Christie?”

 

**\---**

 

“Another runner a block away from you, turn left.”

 

**\---**

 

_Slide the window up, up to the ceiling, drop down, and-_

 

“Aaand I’m done.”

 

“Ack!”

 

“Did I-did you just-”

 

“Yes, you surprised me, and yeah, I said ‘ack,’ shut up.”

 

_I SCARED MJ!_

 

“You guys are sleeping over, right?”

 

“Yes, Parker, that’s why we’re already in our pajamas. Go-”

 

“Oof!”

 

“-put those on.”

 

_Did she just throw my PJs at me?_

 

“‘Kay, I’ll be back.”

 

_Open door quietly, bathroom, shut door quietly, suit off, binder off, sweatpants and sweatshirt on, I want cuddles (Ned gives good cuddles), yay sweater-paws, open door quietly, back to bedroom._

 

“MJ’s taking top bunk, Peter.”

 

“Yay, I wanted cuddles from you anyway, scoot.”

 

“Hey-oh fuck, what’s your AI’s name, Peter?”

 

“Karen.”

 

“Karen, what time is it?”

 

“It’s 2:43 AM, July 4.”

 

_Kinda feel like that’s important. (That was a big yawn.)_

 

“Fuck, I’m tired.”

 

“Well, you just beat up a bunch of criminals, so go to sleep, Spidey.”

 

_He really does give good cuddles. (Harley gives good cuddles too.) SHUT UP BRAIN._

 

“Night, Ned, night MJ.”

 

“Nighty night, Spidey.”

 

“G’night, Peter.”

 

**\---**

 

“Sorry to wake you, Peter, but you have four messages from Harley that appear urgent, as well as 736 Twitter notifications. My volume is currently at a level only you can hear, so that I don’t wake up your friends.”

 

_I wanna sleep. (Urgent? Get up get up get up.) Shhh, Karen._

 

“Four messages now, Peter.”

 

“Mrmph, okay, I’ve got it. Delete the Twitter notifications, please?”

 

“Done.”

 

_Phone, phone, where’s my phone? Got it. Ouch, that’s bright. Brightness down, and now Harley. (It’s urgent, what if something’s wrong, what if he’s hurt? Hurry hurry hurry.)_

 

**5:14 AM-the stark home for teenage geniuses**

**harley <3: **peter r u up

**harley <3: **oh shit its 5

 

_Was he up all night?_

 

**7:23 AM-the stark home for teenage geniuses**

**harley <3: **okay sorry i know its early but its kinda urgent

**harley <3: **fri are u in peters phone can u please get him up

 

_(So that command must’ve activated Karen.)_

 

**You:** i’m here now, what’s wrong

 

**harley <3: **thank god

 

_Are you okay, is Tony okay, is Rhodey okay, is Pepper okay, is Happy okay, is Tony okay?_

 

**harley <3: **its not that bad dw

 

“Jesus Christ, that was scary.”

 

**harley <3: **well kinda

 

_No, please stop, Harley, I’m gonna have a heart attack._

 

**harley <3: **its just

**harley <3: **its the 4 of july

 

_Huh? That’s what he woke me up at 7:30 to tell me?_

 

**You:** yeah? what’s your point?

 

_Fourth of July, Fourth of July, what’s important about the Fourth of July? (I knew there was something happening this week!) Fourth of July, what happens on the Fourth of July? (Fireworks, might trigger me and Tony, they definitely will trigger Rhodey.) The Fourth of July is…America’s birthday, basically. (Birthday.) Oh…Cap’s…birthday._

 

“Fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys liked that! (and now we've almost run out of prewritten chapters, i need to get back in my rhythm.) i'm gonna be repetitive and ask again how you want harley to find out about spidey, i'm making a list of the suggestions.


	14. [cap's bday?]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Pepper Potts** _@PepperPotts_  
>  As all of you are probably very well aware, Mr. Stark has a tendency to respond to your tweets on a consistent basis, but if you could refrain from mentioning him in any tweets today or attempting to contact him, **@StarkIndustries** and I would greatly appreciate it. (1/3)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i call this "ava tries to shove in all the cameos possible." enjoy!

**Pepper Potts** _@PepperPotts_

As all of you are probably very well aware, Mr. Stark has a tendency to respond to your tweets on a consistent basis, but if you could refrain from mentioning him in any tweets today or attempting to contact him, **@StarkIndustries** and I would greatly appreciate it. (1/3)

 

**Pepper Potts** _@PepperPotts_

**@PepperPotts** If you do tweet Mr. Stark, please especially refrain from mentioning anything concerning Steve Rogers, but your tweet will not be responded to regardless, seeing as Mr. Stark will not be on any social media today. (2/3)

 

**Pepper Potts** _@PepperPotts_

**@PepperPotts** In addition, please avoid contacting any of the Stark family, including **@themechanic** and **@therealspiderman.** They will also not be responding to any social media today. (3/3)

 

**ben** _@benthebi_

**@PepperPotts** im absolutely gonna respect this but,,,why?

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

**@benthebi** it probably has something to do with the fact that today is the 4th of july

 

**tony has all my uwus** _@IAmIronStan_

**@benthebi @ZenBear** sooo fireworks + ptsd = not good?

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

**@IAmIronStan** probably also has smth to do with the fact that it’s cap’s bday

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

**@PepperPotts** im sorry ur family’s been thru so much that a holiday doesnt feel like a holiday anymore

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@PepperPotts** the fact that spidey and harley are considered part of the stark family warms my heart so much

 

**jax** _@drarryisreal_

**@panwithaplan** It especially sucks because the #IronHusbands anniversary is so soon too, I bet this really puts a damper on it

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

**@panwithaplan @drarryisreal** at least the whole #ironfamily is together? (and we still don’t fully kno why this holiday is Bad for them, right?)

 

**jake** _@jakeyboy_

**@thenickimouseclubhouse** I think **@ZenBear** is right, its probably the Cap Birthday thing + the firework thing **@IAmIronStan** mentioned

 

**rosie** _@dontcallmerosie_

**@jakeyboy** You always think **@ZenBear** is right, Jake.

 

**jake** _@jakeyboy_

**@dontcallmerosie** Shes basically the daughter of my gf, what do u expect Rosa?

 

**ben** _@benthebi_

**@jakeyboy @dontcallmerosie** we stan a supportive dad?

 

**zoe** _@zbrxtes_

**@PepperPotts** Give our love to ur family!!!!!!!

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

**@jakeyboy** so its the fireworks and the bday thing?

 

**peter parker** _@peterbparker_

**@thenickimouseclubhouse** i’m all for analysis, but maybe,,,we should leave them alone? they’re real people

 

**Flash** _@smartestmanalive_

**@peterbparker** Penis u wish they were real

 

**michelle** _@m1chellej0nes_

**@smartestmanalive** _[[?.jpeg]](https://i.kym-cdn.com/entries/icons/original/000/028/637/cover5.jpg) _

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

**@peterbparker** you’re right. they’re a family, and as famous as they are, we need to respect their privacy. #ironfamily

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

rt

 

**ella** _@acebase_

rt

 

**william** _@willnyethescienceguy_

Rt

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

bigass rt

 

**ben** _@benthebi_

rt

 

**fight me** _@ineedsleep_

rt

 

**jake** _@jakeyboy_

Rt

 

**rosie** _@dontcallmerosie_

Rt

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

thanks guys! were going dark now but we love yall!!!!

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

rt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so,,,did you like? 
> 
> we are now on a posting schedule of every tuesday, so no more weekend updates. sorry!! (i uploaded this very quickly, my mom is talking at me, i must flee.)


	15. 'cause we were just kids

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Oh my God, that’s Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Just walked into my-Tony’s-kitchen. What the fuck. (Act cool, Harley.)_  
> 
> “H-hi, Spidey.”
> 
> _(THAT WASN’T COOL.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am so, so sorry. i have no idea how to convey to you guys how sorry i am. i can attempt an explanation, but i am just so sorry. i promise i read all of your comments, i cried at some of them because y'all are so fucking kind, but i just, couldn't find it in me to write. i lost all inspiration (some of it was because of endgame, some of it was because of finals, some of it was because i just. couldn't. write.) and i also have zero confidence in my skills as a writer, so that didn't help, and i've been interacting on a daily basis with the two greatest parkner writers of our time, spidersonas and SmolTownFangirl (they are both such lovely people, but they're so talented and it makes me feel inadequate and they'll probably see this but let's hope they don't.) but, i'm back, and i'm going to try and continue to post every other sunday, as of now. 
> 
> so, i'm sorry. please enjoy. and i love all of you 3k.

**.... .- .-. .-.. . -.--**

**Tuesday, July 4, 2017**

 

_Okay, time to try again._

 

**7:23 AM-the stark home for teenage geniuses**

**You:** okay sorry i know its early but its kinda urgent

 

_Oh! FRIDAY! She can get him up, if she’s installed in his phone._

 

**You:** fri are u in peters phone can u please get him up

 

_C’mon, c’mon, please wake up, you gotta answer. You didn’t respond earlier, please respond now. C’mon, FRIDAY, please wake him up. Fuck, fuck. Why is this taking so long?_

 

“Hhhhhh, c’mon Peter.”

 

_Fuck yes, he’s tying._

 

**cute genius:** i’m here now, what’s wrong

 

**You:** thank god

 

_Oh fuck, he probably thinks someone’s hurt. (Someone could be.) Gotta reassure him._

 

**You:** its not that bad dw

 

_It’s kinda bad. Tony might have a really Bad Day today. (Bad Days are the worst, thank God I haven’t had one here yet.)_

 

**You:** well kinda

 

_I should just tell him._

 

**You:** its just

**You:** its the 4 of july

 

**cute genius:** yeah? what’s your point?

 

_C’mon, Parker, I thought you were smarter than that. Think, Peter. Think._

 

**cute genius:** fuck _._

 

_There it is._

 

**cute genius:** is he up yet?

 

**You:** no

**You:** i think rhodeys gonna try and let him sleep as long as possible

**You:** but hes gonna need his whole family here

**You:** and ur his family too

**You:** so just

**You:** get ur butt over here

 

**cute genius:** okay

**cute genius:** i can be there in 20

 

_Twenty minutes?? How the fuck can he be here in twenty minutes? New York traffic is insane. (Unless his house is really close.) Fuck, what about the fireworks? (Soundproofing?)_

 

**You:** do u kno if the tower has good soundproofing

**You:** for like,,,tonight>

**You:** *?

 

**cute genius:** i think so but you should ask fri

 

“Yes, Stark Tower has impeccable soundproofing-”  _Thank God._ “-but the best way to keep Colonel Rhodes, Boss, and Peter-” _Peter???_ “-from being affected by the fireworks would be to go to the Avengers Compound, because it’s out of the city, and in a very isolated location.”

 

_Tony won’t go there. Especially today. That’s the worst possible location for us to go._

 

“But Tony won’t want to go there, FRI. And stop spying on my texts!”

 

“My apologies, Boss Junior (The Better One), I am installed on all of Boss’s personal devices and to be fair, Peter did mention me. As for Boss, I know. But it is the most firework-free area.”

 

“We’re not going there.”

 

“Fair enough. Should I activate the soundproof on the tower now?”

 

“Please.”

 

**You:** okay we good soundproofing is good

 

**cute genius:** good

 

_Okay, soundproofing is good so fireworks aren’t a problem, I gotta deal with the social media shit, so I need Pepper._

 

“FRI, is Pepper up?”

 

“Yes, she’s in the kitchen right now. Should I tell her to come up?”

 

“Nah, I’ll go down there.” _Okay, so Pepper can tweet something about how no one should tweet anything about Steve to Tony today and threaten them with death (it doesn’t mean people will listen), I can get FRI to block all of Tony’s notifications, we’ll all distract him, it’ll be fine! (Nope.) Fine. (Uh-uh.) Absolutely fine. (Absolutely not fine.)_ “Floor 98, FRI.”

 

_This is gonna be a rough day._

 

“We’ve reached Floor 98.”

 

“Hey, Pepper.”

 

“Harley, why’re you up so early?”   

 

“It’s the Fourth of July.”

 

“Oh! …Oh.”

 

“Yeah. Can you, I dunno, tweet something out about how people shouldn’t tweet at Tony about Cap? Would people listen?”

 

“I can, but you have to understand that people won’t listen, Harls. It would probably be better to block all of his notifications in general.”

 

_But that doesn’t seem good enough._

 

“But-”

 

“But I can still ask people not to tweet him, because he won’t be responding anyway, and I can run interference to make sure he won’t see them in case he tries to override any of FRIDAY’s protocols. Sound good?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“You should just focus on keeping him distracted, okay? You’re good at that.”

 

“I’m good at that too!”

 

_Peter. (Seriously, HOW did he get here so fast?)_

 

“Yes, you are, Peter. I’m gonna go take care of those tweets, and some other SI business so that I don’t have to be working later. You two…make breakfast or something?” _Holy shit, she knows too. She’s trying to get us alone. I bet Tony told her. (Or Rhodey.)_ “Have fun, boys! Floor 90, FRIDAY.”

 

“So…I cannot cook. I have a mutation-” _WHAT?_ “-called the Parker Gene, which renders my cooking skills nonexistent.”

 

_He was joking. He’s adorable. He’s got a little grin, he’s so proud of himself, I love that grin, I might spontaneously combust from cuteness overload but it’s FINE. (Fuck, I just snorted, that was not an attractive laugh. Get it fucking together, Harley.)_

 

“It-” _Fucking speak, Harley._ “It’s fine. I normally cook for my little sister anyway, so I know how to make breakfast.”

 

_(I really should talk to Abbie.)_

 

“‘Kay! What do you wanna make?”

 

_Eeep, that was a Twitter notification._

 

“I think Pepper just tweeted the thing, lemme check.”

 

**Pepper Potts** _@PepperPotts_

As all of you are probably very well aware, Mr. Stark has a tendency to respond to your tweets on a consistent basis, but if you could refrain from mentioning him in any tweets today or attempting to contact him, **@StarkIndustries** and I would greatly appreciate it. (1/3)

 

**Pepper Potts** _@PepperPotts_

**@PepperPotts** If you do tweet Mr. Stark, please especially refrain from mentioning anything concerning Steve Rogers, but your tweet will not be responded to regardless, seeing as Mr. Stark will not be on any social media today. (2/3)

 

**Pepper Potts** _@PepperPotts_

**@PepperPotts** In addition, please avoid contacting any of the Stark family, including **@themechanic** and **@therealspiderman.** They will also not be responding to any social media today. (3/3)

 

_Why is Peter all flustered? (I didn’t say anything, right?) I should say something to distract him._

 

“So, French toast? Or something like that?”

 

“Uh, yeah. That works. Oh my God, _oh my_ _God._ ”

 

_I’m pretty sure I wasn’t supposed to hear that part. Should I ask him why he’s freaking out?_

 

“Peter?”

 

“Sorry, yeah, I’m here. Like, I’m focused. Sorry. We’re making pancakes?”

 

_Um. Is he okay?_

 

“Uh…no? French toast?”

 

“Oh, yeah, right. Heh. French toast. So, what do you want me to do?”

 

_Slightly scared to put him near food and/or anything hot right now, he does not seem focused._  

 

“Uh, just sit down and you can, like, whisk the eggs. You _can_ whisk eggs, right?”

“What?”

 

_Stupid Harley, of course he’s not paying attention enough to get your joke._

 

“Your mutated gene doesn’t extend to whisking eggs, right?”

 

“Uh.” _Why does he seem nervous?_ “Oh! Yeah, that. No, I can whisk eggs.”    

 

“Okay. Uh…” _Don’t ask him, don’t ask him-_ “Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah. Sorry.” _Don’t apologize._ “I’m just distracted.”

 

_By what? (God, Harley, it’s his business, shut up.)_

 

“Wanna talk about it? Or…”

 

_He just fuckin’ blushed. Kill me please. (Not Good thoughts, move away from those thoughts.)_

 

“Uh-” _He’s very flustered, wow._ “Not really?”

 

_God, you pushed him and now he’s uncomfy, you did that, why are you like this, Harley? (Brain, please shut up.)_

 

“Okay, Parker.” _Don’t smirk at him, don’t smirk at him-and I’m smirking, fuck everything._ “Can you and your ‘Parker Genes’ get on to those eggs?”

 

“Oh, yeah.”

 

_Okay, he’s whisking eggs, these are the spices, cinnamon, nutmeg, sugar, find the vanilla, stupid song from The Greatest Showman is stuck in my head-What if we rewrite the stars, say you were made to be mine, nothing can keep us apart, you’d be the one I was meant to find.-Why is Peter staring at me?_

 

“Oh _shit_ , was I singing out loud?”

 

“Y-yeah.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

_Just take the eggs from him, Harley, you fucking idiot._

 

“N-no, it’s fine. I liked it, you have a really good voice.”

 

_Do not blush, do not blush._

 

“Oh. Thank you. That-um. That means a lot.”

 

“‘Course.” _Awkward. This is awkward. I need to say something._ “So, uh. How do we make French toast?”

 

“ _You_ don’t do anything. This is for Tony, I can’t have you ruinin’ it with your freaky Parker Genes.”

 

“Meanie.”

 

“Deal with it, Parker.” _Hmm, add vanilla, mix in spices, needs more cinnamon-_ “Hmm, speaking of, where’d you get those terrible Parker Genes from?”

 

_God, he’s so cute with his little smile, I think I’m dying. (Bad Fucking Thoughts, Harley, stop.)_

 

“Oh. My-my mom.” _Shit, abort mission, Harley, really not a good time to thirst over his smile._ “She, uh. She died when I was five. I-”

 

“Peter, it’s okay. You don’t have to talk about it.”

 

_See, now that little grateful smile will stay in my mind forever._

 

“Uh.”

 

“Yeah, Peter?”

 

“Nothing, I just-one sec.”

 

_Oh, and he’s typing something on his phone, and-that was a Twitter notification._

 

**peter parker** _@peterbparker_

**@thenickimouseclubhouse** i’m all for analysis, but maybe,,,we should leave them alone? they’re real people

 

_Jesus Christ._

 

“Sorry. I probably shouldn’t have said anything. I just-”

 

“No, you shouldn’t _have_ to have said anything. People should just-back off.” _(You fucking love the spotlight, stop lying to yourself.) Shut up._ “So…does that mean people don’t know that you’re…part of the Stark family, I guess?”

 

“Yeah. I guess. People at school know I intern for Tony, but no one-uh-no one believes me except for, like, two people.”

 

“That’s shitty.”

 

“I guess. I’m used to it by now.”

 

“I should probably…”

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

**@peterbparker** you’re right. they’re a family, and as famous as they are, we need to respect their privacy. #ironfamily

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

rt

 

**ella** _@acebase_

rt

 

**william** _@willnyethescienceguy_

Rt

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

bigass rt

 

**ben** _@benthebi_

rt

 

**fight me** _@ineedsleep_

rt

 

**jake** _@jakeyboy_

Rt

 

**rosie** _@dontcallmerosie_

Rt

 

_Okay, I guess people are nice._      

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

thanks guys! were going dark now but we love yall!!!!

 

“It sucks that we-you-have to do this.”

 

“Parker, stop questioning yourself, it _is_ ‘we.’”

 

_His blush is fucking adorable._

 

“I-thanks.”

 

“Sorry to interrupt, Boss Junior (The Better One) and Peter, but Colonel Rhodes has asked me to tell you that he and Boss are on their way down now.”

 

“Thanks, FRI!”

 

“Fuck, gotta finish this.”

 

“-and then, Rhodey bear, he flipped me off and then jumped off the building.”

 

_I love seeing them laugh, their love is infectious (I hope he’s talking about Spidey because otherwise, that’s concerning.)_

 

“G’morning, Dad, g’morning, Rhodey, we made French toast-”

 

“I’m sorry, did you just say that _Peter_ made something? Peter, with his cursed Parker Genes, actually did something correctly?”

 

_He says, while drinking directly from the coffee pot. (Peter’s pouting, I love it.)_

 

“Tony, stop it, I helped!”

 

“He whisked the eggs, Tony.”

 

“Ohhh, that makes more sense.”

 

“Aw, c’mon Tones, leave him alone-”

 

“Thank you!”

 

“-I’m sure he helped Harley when he got egg shells in the mix.”

 

“Hey! You’re supposed to be on my side!”

 

“Nah, I’m Switzerland.”

 

“Ugh, I hate all of you. And I miss Vision, he’d be on my side.”

  
“Ha, as if he’d ever turn against me, his _father_.”

 

_Ooh, great place to jump in._

 

“Well, speaking of going against fathers-” _Ha, gotcha now, Tony, now you’re flustered._ “Peter did help, and it was appreciated.”

 

“See, Harley’s the only one around here who loves-”

 

_WHAT? (Tony’s smirking, stop smirking, Tony.)_

 

“No, go on, Pete, what were you gonna say?”

 

“N-nothing.”

 

“Babe, leave him alone.”

 

“But honey bear-”

 

“Shut up and eat your French toast. And FRI, can you tell Happy and Pepper that breakfast-thanks Harls-is ready?”

 

“‘Thanks Harls’...and also Peter.”

 

_Aw, he’s muttering angrily, that’s cute._

 

“Sure thing, Colonel Rhodes.”  

 

“Aw, you getting the whole ‘Iron Fam’ here, platypus?”

 

_Tony, Rhodey, Pepper, Happy, me, Peter, Vision’s not here, the bots don’t eat, FRIDAY’s always with us, and yeah, that’s all of us._

 

“So you admit that those two are your kids?”

 

“Oof, he’s got you now, Mr-Tony.”

 

“Peter still almost calls me Mr. Stark, I don’t think we’re there yet, sugar bear. _Anyway_ , nice French toast, Harls.”

 

_WAIT, SHOULDN’T SPIDEY BE HERE?_

 

“No, wait, go back to the Iron Fam thing. Shouldn’t Spider-Man be here, didn’t you like…adopt him too?”

 

_Why are they all staring at me? Why aren’t they saying anything?_

 

“You are absolutely right, kiddo.” _Fuck yeah I am._ “In fact, I think he’s in his room right now.” _SPIDEY’S BEEN HERE THIS WHOLE TIME?_ “Hey Pete, wanna come with me to get him?”

 

“Uh…” _That was a Look_ _™_ _that Tony just gave him, so, uh, what?_ “Oh! Yeah! Right! Yes, that!”

 

_I-_

 

“Okay, Pete, _let’s go_.” _Oh, and now they’re walking down the hall._ “So, do you wanna tell him?”

 

_I’m almost 100% certain I wasn’t supposed to hear that. (Should I ask Rhodey?) What’s going ON?_

 

“Uh.”

 

“Don’t worry about it, Harls.”

 

“But I-”

 

“Ms. Potts and Mr. Hogan, you’ve reached floor 98.”

 

_Oh, convenient timing for that. (Now you’re just being paranoid.)_

 

“Hey Pep, hey Happy! Harley made French toast!”

 

“Aw, thanks Harley.”

 

“Yeah, thanks kid.”

 

“And, Harley? I trust you saw my tweets?”

 

_Oh, and suddenly Tony’s back._

 

“Okay, Harley, you wanted Spidey to be here, so-” _That’s a very weird form of jazz hands._ “-here you go!”

 

_Oh my God, that’s Spider-Man. Spider-Man. Just walked into my-Tony’s-kitchen. What the fuck. (Act cool, Harley.)_

 

“H-hi, Spidey.”

 

_(THAT WASN’T COOL.)_

 

“Hi Harley, nice to meet you!”

 

_Oh, that’s just Peter._

 

“Okay, that’s Peter in a Spider-Man suit, I’m not an _idiot_. Where is Spidey actually?”

 

_Why did Rhodey just burst out laughing?_

 

“‘m sorry, didn’t mean to laugh, it’s just-”

 

_Now Pepper and Happy are laughing too, what did I SAY?_

 

“Rhodey bear…”

 

“Shh, Tones, it’s _funny._ I can’t _breathe_.”

 

_Oh, and now Tony’s laughing._

 

“Yeah, it-it really is.”

 

_All the adults are laughing, and Peter just took off the mask, I’m so CONFUSED._

 

“Um. Okay. May as well just fucking tell him, right?”

 

_Oop, he’s glaring at them. (It’s cute.)_

 

“Language-Peter-”

 

_EVEN PEPPER CAN’T SPEAK BECAUSE SHE’S LAUGHING TOO HARD, WHAT THE FRESH FUCK?_

  
“Ugh, I _know_. Anyway. Here goes. Harley?”

 

_Me, Harley?_

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Imkindasortapossiblymaybedefinitelyspidermanandalsouhimetmrstarkbecauseofthecivilwaranywaythatsme!”

 

_What._

 

“Did you-did you just tell me that you’re Spider-Man?”

 

“Uh. Yeah?”

 

“Okay, that’s hilarious.”

 

“Wh-what?”

 

“No, like seriously, I’m not gonna feel bad if he’s not here, just tell me where he is already. Y’all didn’t have to do all this.”

 

“I…What? Like, literally, what?”

 

_What’s so confusing about that, Peter?_

 

“C’mon, just tell me where he is.”

 

“He’s in this room, Harley.”

 

“Pepper, we just went over that, he’s not here, that’s just Pete-HOLY FUCK.”

 

_He’s on the ceiling. On. The fucking. Ceiling. (That was the hottest thing I’ve ever seen.)_

 

“O-okay. So Peter is-is Spider-Man. Good…good to know.”

 

“You good, Harls?”

 

“Uh huh. Yeah.” _My voice is really high._ “Yeah. Sure. Definitely, Dad.”

 

_Ha, now Tony’s more focused on that._

 

“Peter, get off the ceiling.”

 

“Sorry, Ms. Po-Pepper.”

 

_HE JUST FUCKING FLIPPED ONTO THE FLOOR. WHAT THE FUCK. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO THINK ABOUT ANYTHING OTHER THAN THAT NOW?_

 

“Okay, I-I’m just gonna-”

 

_What the FUCK._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you guys liked it, this wasn't exactly how i planned the "harley finding out about spidey" thing, but, uh, what'd you think?
> 
> (also, ad. if you're reading this. please know that i love you more than anything and i'm writing this for you. i'm so, so worried, and if you happen to be reading this, which i pray to all the gods that you are, i want you to be safe. i love you three thousand and to infinity, so just. please be okay.)


	16. [meeting abbie, pt. 1]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKenstar_  
>  Why the fuck do I have so many followers now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter's for bb, i love you hon!!
> 
> hope all y'all enjoy!!

**fred** _@sadsquatch_

who the fuck does **@IAmIronMan** think he fucking is??? Pretending like Steve is a bad guy smh #NotMyHero #ComeBackCap

 

**Jocelyn** _@mommysuperstar_

**@sadsquatch** OMG IKR? **@IAmIronMan** needs to shut the fuck up and stop getting his slut to do all the work of blaming Steve for him. #ComeBackCap

 

**Robbie** _@yoitsrobbie_

**@mommysuperstar** U mean Potts? Yeah shes a slut but shes not **@IAmIronMan** ‘s, hes a fag thru n thru #NotMyHero

 

**cami** _@soupsnsalads_

**@sadsquatch** The Avengers would still be together if it wasn’t for **@IAmIronMan** and his arrogance. #ComeBackCap

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKeenstar_

Wow imagine being such an ignoramus that u arent educated about anything and also somehow think that its ur business to pry into the life of others

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKeenstar_

**@sadaquatch** 1st of all, u know literally nothin about what happened with the Avengers, so why r u even tryin. 2nd of all, Tony doesnt think hes anyone, bc as **@mommysuperstar** so kindly stated with her mommyandme blog, he got his “slut” to do the work for him

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKeenstar_

**@sadaquatch** which means, in Adult Terms, that the CEO of Stark fucking Industries, the biggest tech conglomerate in the world, put out an official announcement that you specifically went against for the purpose of being a bitch

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKeenstar_

**@sadaquatch** 3rd,  “Steve” is a fuckin war criminal, so yea. He’s a bad guy.

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKeenstar_

**@mommysuperstar** bold of you to call the most successful woman of our time a slut when ur the one whod get on her knees for a 90 yo man. And also she blamed nothing on anyone, just respectfully asked that yall not attempt to contact Tony and yet look what ur doing Ms mommyandme blog

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKeenstar_

**@yoitsrobbie** and wow, I love when people who are scared of what they dont understand try to lash out at one of the most loving couples in all of america just cuz theyre slightly different from your cisheteronormative views

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKeenstar_

**@soupsnsalads** says the woman who boasts about her follower count constantly in her feed, whereas Tony is one of the most humble men ever who tried to keep the Avengers together no matter what, but u wouldnt kno that would you bc ur head is too far up americas ass

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKeenstar_

In conclusion people are ignorant bitches

 

**\---**

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

so yall i was scrolling through my feed and i-i found smth v v interesting

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

meet our lord and savior _[screenshot.jpeg] x 4_

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

**@panwithaplan** whomst is that (( **@acebase** ella babe come look))

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@panwithaplan** holy FUCK

 

**ben** _@benthebi_

**@panwithaplan** whos the mechanic

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

hey **@ZenBear** detective come help

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

**@panwithaplan** howdy, what’s up

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

**@panwithaplan** oop nevermind i see

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

okay so the newest question is: who is @/AbbieKeenstar

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

**@ZenBear** the facts: 1. is apparently the sister of the mechanic (aka harley keener). 2. very vicious with their words. 3. followed by tony stark, pepper potts, and harley, which is further proof of them actually being related to harley.

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

**@ZenBear** so i’d say that abbie is harley keener’s sister, which means we have another stark kiddo, that’s three so far.

 

**jax** _@drarryisreal_

**@ZenBear** Nice.

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

**@ZenBear** we are all idiots, we shouldve seen the mechanic thing, wow we rly do need u sksksksks

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

**@panwithaplan** aksajskj thank you but you guys would’ve figured it out!!

 

**ben** _@benthebi_

**@ZenBear** yea but its all so much faster w u, ur great

 

**my croissant !** _@vinesssbabyy_

**@ZenBear** We bow before u

 

**my croissant !** _@vinesssbabyy_

**@vinesssbabyy** And also abbie, we bow before abbie 2, our goddess

 

**\---**

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKeenstar_

Why the fuck do i have so many followers now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed, and if you're up for some angst, i just posted a father's day fic, so go check it out!


	17. when we fell in love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You wanna work in the lab today? We could finish those lightsabers that you and Harley were working on?”
> 
> “Wait, really?”
> 
> “Yes, really.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all. i'm shooketh. i've posted. for three straight weeks. in a row. i literally wrote this entire chapter today rather than procrastinate so that i could get it up in time for you guys. (are you proud of me?)

**.--. . - . .-.**

**Tuesday, July 4, 2017**

 

“Okay, I-I’m just gonna-”

 

_Why is he staring at me like that?_

 

“Harls. Kiddo.”

 

“No, yeah, I’m good, I just.”

 

_He’s definitely not good, what did I do? What did I do wrong? Did I say something?_

 

“Harley, did I-”

 

“I’m _fine_ , guys, I promise! Heh. I’m fine. Just-finish your breakfasts, y’all.”

 

“It’s really good, Harley, you should be proud.”

 

“Aw, thanks Pep.”

 

_This is the most awkward silence I’ve ever encountered. How do we avoid talking about The Thing while also figuring out what to do today? Oh and Ms-Pepper just cleared her throat, she can sense the awkwardness too._

 

“So. Harley. Have you…thought about what you might be doing after the summer’s over?”

 

_Harley did not have a good reaction to that, he just tensed._

 

“Pep-”

 

_Tony noticed too, it’s not just in my head._

 

“No, it’s fine, Tony. It’s fine. If Mom wants to-never mind.” _What was he gonna say?_ “If I could, I mean-if I’m allowed, I’d wanna stay here. I wouldn’t want to impose-”

 

“I’m gonna stop you right there, kid. You’re always welcome here, and if you wanna stay, you can.”

 

“I mean. I do.”

 

_Why did he just look at me like that? (If he stayed, he could go to Midtown!)_

 

“You know, if you did stay, for the school year, I mean, you could-if you wanted-go to my school? Midtown? You’re definitely smart enough and you’d do really well. Plus it’s near here. Convenience, and all that.”

 

“Yeah. Uh. Yeah.”

 

_(Tony mentioned a few days ago that Harley would go to Midtown if he stayed, you’re an idiot, this isn’t a new idea.) Hello there, intrusive thoughts, I don’t need you today._

 

“Harls. If you wanna stay and go to Midtown, that can be arranged.”

 

“Yeah, kiddo, me and Tones love having you here, and Pepper does as well. Happy probably does, underneath all of his-”

 

_Gruff exterior?_

 

“Shut up, Rhodes.”

 

“Case in point.”

 

“C’mon, Rhodey bear, don’t be mean to poor Happy.”

 

“Yes, poor, forlorn, Happy.”

 

_That’s an oxymoron._

 

“Peter, you sure you would want me coming to your school?”

 

“ _Yes._ I mean-yeah. It’d be cool.”

 

_And I’d have another person who’d be nice to me. (Or not. Harley could meet Flash and see that you’re actually a loser. He could become friends with Flash. He could join Flash’s group. He could see how fucked up you really are. He could hate you) I REALLY don’t need this today._

 

“Pete? You okay?”

 

“What? Oh, yeah. Sorry. Just. Zoned out.”

 

“Okay, kiddo. You wanna work in the lab today? We could finish those lightsabers that you and Harley were working on?”

 

“Wait, really?”

 

“Yes, really.”

 

“Heck yeah, that means we get to destroy one of your-”

 

_(Only Cap’s shield can destroy his suit.) I really. Don’t. Fucking. Need. This. Today. So please shut the fuck up._

 

“Harley-”

 

“I mean, _use_ one of your suits!”

 

“Yeah, that’s exactly what you meant.”

 

“Shush, Rhodey, shush.”

 

“Don’t shush my husband, and don’t try to destroy my suits.”

 

“Hey, we have your permission!”

 

“Peter’s right, Dad, you gave us _permission_.”

 

_Now Harley’s just calling him ‘Dad’ to throw him off his rhythm._

 

“Harley,  that wasn’t very nice.”

 

“What did I do, Pepper? I didn’t do anything.”

 

“Kid’s got you there, Pep.”

 

_Aw, Happy’s on our side._

 

“Oh shush, Happy.”

 

“Alright, alright, break it up. I’m going, I’ve gotta go do a call. Tones, I’ll see you at lunch, babe. Go work in the lab with the kids.”

 

“I have a few meetings as well, I’ll try to be back for lunch.”

 

“Wait, but it’s the Fourth of July, why do you guys-”

 

“Happy.”

 

_Fuck fuck fuck, is Tony okay? Did he notice? His hand is shaking, that’s not fucking good._

 

“Shit, sorry.”

 

“Well, you know, business never stops, Happy.”

 

“Right. Right. Yeah. I’ll just. Go with you, then.”

 

“Floor 15, FRIDAY.”

“Right away Ms. Potts-”  

 

_And they’re gone._

 

“Tones, you okay?”

 

“‘m fine, honey bear. Go do your call, me and the kids are gonna go play around in the lab. C’mon, Pete, Harls.”

 

“Er. Okay.”

 

“Okay.”

 

_Ha, jinx._

 

“Bye, _tesoro_ , _ti amo._ ”

 

“Love you too, babe. Have fun, don’t burn anything down, don’t forget to stop for lunch!”

 

**\---**

 

“Okay, these designs are good, but you’ll need to manipulate the electromagnetic field quite a bit more, and we might need something stronger than the titanium alloy for the handle. So, 3, 2, 1, go.”

 

_Uh. Crap._

 

“Iron.”

 

_His grin is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen._

 

“Oh, hardy har, you’re hilarious, kiddo.”

 

_Oh! Tantalum, isn’t that a high temp metal?_

 

“Uh, tantalum?”

 

“That could work. Harley, be more like Pete, use your brain.”

 

“Ugh, fine. Would a nickel alloy work?”

 

“Possibly. Hey, FRIDAY, pull up a schematic of the kids’ design.”

 

“Here you go, Boss.”

 

_Oh wow, it looks cool in 3D._

 

“Nice. Harls, c’mere. What if we-”

 

**\---**

 

“Okay, now try-”

 

“Turning it on?”

 

“Well, I was gonna mention a simulation for testing but-”

 

“YES, IT WORKS!”

 

“Oh _no._ What have I done?”

 

“Hey. Harley. The circle is now complete. When I left you, I was but the learner-”

 

“What are you-”

 

_Jeez, Harley, my crush on you just went down, like, 10 points. (NO, I DON’T HAVE A CRUSH. NOT ALLOWED TO HAVE A CRUSH.)_

 

“Now _I_ am the master.”

 

“OH! Wait. I wanna be Darth Vader!”

 

_Back up 15 points._

 

“Too late!”

 

“I don’t know the next line though!”

 

“You kids are _dorks._ ”

 

“You’re wearing a shirt that says, ‘Ain’t no bad joke like a dad joke,’ Mr-Tony, I don’t think you can judge.”

 

“Rhodey got it for me!”

 

“That’s pretty gay, Dad.”

 

“Thank you. And your line is ‘You’re only a master of evil, Darth.’”

 

“Did you- _look it up?_ ”

 

“Uh…yeah?”

  
“Blasphemy.”

 

“Pete, not everyone has every movie script ever made in the history of movies memorized.”

_I don’t have EVERY movie script memorized. Just the Star Wars ones._

 

“Well, then you’re not living your best life, I guess.”

 

“Peter-”

 

“ONLY A MASTER OF EVIL, DARTH.”

 

_Oh my God, he’s standing on a table._

 

“Harley-Peter-I-okay. Have fun. Don’t kill each other. I’ll be over there. Out of the way. If you burn my lab down, you’re both out of the will.”

_I’m in the will, I’m in the will. (It’s just an expression, jeez, it doesn’t mean you’re actually in the will.) Goodbye thoughts, I don’t need you, let me have my lightsaber in peace, please._

 

“Kwishuuuuuuuuuu.”

 

“Peter, did you just-”

 

“Yes.”

 

“I-”

 

“Our versions don’t make the right noises, okay? Don’t judge, me, Harls.”

 

“I-Harls?”

 

_Oh, shit. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. (His blush is beautiful.)_

 

“Sorry. It slipped out. I won’t do it-”

 

“No! It’s fine! Sorry. It was just odd. ‘Cause normally it’s Tony, or Rhodey, or-never mind. Sorry. It’s fine. You can call me Harls.”

 

“Wow. I’ve never seen Harley ramble before. You get a gold star, Peter.”

 

“Shut up, Tony, let us lightsaber-battle in peace.”

 

“That’s an oxymoron.”

 

_I said that earlier about something else! It doesn't have a place here, though._

 

“Shush.”

 

**\---**

 

“Tones, it’s five o’clock, have you guys had anything to eat-what the actual fuck is happening here?”

 

“Language!”

 

“Language!”

 

“Language!”

 

_Three-way jinx, nice._

 

“That was creepy. I’m assuming that since there are two fully constructed lightsabers-"

 

“With a third on the way, can’t forget Bob!”

 

“Bob?”

 

“Yeah, Bob’s the one that Tony’s building right now.”

 

“I-okay, Peter. _Anyway_ , there’s food. And Tones, the spider-baby needs to eat.”

 

“Oh my fucking God, _that’s_ why you were so concerned about Peter eating the other day! Because of his increased metabolism!”

 

_Harley’s about to slice his head off with that lightsaber, that would not be good._

 

“FRIDAY, deactivate Susan.”

 

_There we go._

 

“Hey!”

 

“Smart, Pete, that was smart. Harley, stop pouting.”

 

“So if Tony’s lightsaber is Bob, and Harley’s is Susan, what’s yours, Peter?”

 

“The Great Master and Lord of All Things.”

 

“No it’s not, it’s Janet.”

 

_Damnit, Tony._

 

“Yeah, it’s Janet.”

 

“Great. FRIDAY, deactivate Janet. And turn off Tony’s holograms while you’re at it, please, he needs to eat.”

 

“Hey!”

 

“Tones, c’mon. You and the kids need food, you were supposed to come up ages ago for lunch.”

 

“Well…we forgot.”

 

_Ha, Tony fucking Stark, speechless in the face of his disapproving husband._

 

“Yeah, and we knew you guys were having fun, so we left you. But now you need food.”

 

“Fine. But only because I love you.”

 

“Love you too, babe. C’mon, kids. Floor 98, FRI.”

 

_Kinda weird how we take an elevator to travel one floor, and that takes less than one second. Super-geniuses are lazy._

 

“We’ve reached floor 98.”

  

“Thanks, baby girl.”

 

“Alright, everyone go sit down, we’re eating.”

 

“But Pepper, it’s only-” _Shit fuck fuck, he just pulled out his phone._ “-5:37. And I-I have to-”

 

_Crap._

 

“Tones. No phones today. We made a deal.”

 

“Rhodey, it’s-”

 

“It’s _what_ , Tony?” _And now Tony’s showing him the phone._ “Okay. Um. Tell her we’ll deal with it.”

 

_Deal with what?_

 

“Tony, let me see. Oh. Okay. Let me make a call, real quick, and you put your phone down as soon as you text her.”

 

_Who’s ‘her?’_

 

“Harley, do you know-”

 

“No, I’ve got no idea what they’re talking about.”

 

“Pep, shouldn’t I call her?”

 

“Tony, you’re the parent here, you choose. But don’t you dare try to go on Twitter or I’ll castrate you.”

 

_Scary, scary, Pepper. (You don’t have to fucking worry about that, do you? Because you’re not a real-) This is the exact opposite of the thoughts I need right now, please shut the fuck up._

 

“Wait-is it-”

 

“Harley, don’t worry about it. We’re taking care of it.”

 

“Yeah, like that’s reassuring, Rhodey.”

 

“Harley…”

 

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.”

 

_Okay, so now Harley knows what’s going on? What am I missing? Pepper left to do her call, Tony just texted someone, Happy’s just completely chill, and Harley’s freaking out? What? Literally what? And now Pepper’s back?_

  
“Okay, I’ve got someone in the PR department who didn’t take the day off dealing with it. Tony, put your phone down, Harley, take a few deep breaths, Peter, stop questioning everything and just allow yourself to be confused for a little while, it’ll make sense soon.” _I hate not knowing things._ “Ah-nope. Don’t question it. Now, dinner?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me? completely skipping the scene where they actually build it? yes. 
> 
> i really hope y'all liked it, it wasn't my best chapter, i'm sorry. but oh ho ho, the next (real) chapter, boy we've got some fun stuff. and by fun stuff i mean angst. because angst is fun. :)
> 
> leave some comments and kudos, i love hearing from y'all!!
> 
> (also. completely unrelated. but. Watch Good Omens Please And Thank You.)
> 
> come yell at me on [tumblr](https://charliebradburyismyspirit-animal.tumblr.com/)?
> 
> (ad. i love you. i really hope you're safe. i'm still writing this for you.)


	18. [meeting abbie, pt. 2]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Buzzfeed** _@BuzzfeedNews_  
>  A New Starkling Has Been Found, click to read our article!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy reading, my loves!
> 
> this chap's for bb again, i know how much you love abbie :)
> 
> (four fucking weeks in a row, look at me gooooo)
> 
> if the formatting is weird, i apologize, i tried so hard

**Buzzfeed** _@BuzzfeedNews_

A New Starkling Has Been Found, click to read our article!

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

guess i gotta fight buzzfeed now, they didn’t even credit me this time

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

“one user” my ass, buzzfeed fight me

 

**ben** _@benthebi_

**@ZenBear** im screaming-this is so ironic-ur username is literally “zen”

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

**@benthebi** zen actually means knowledge/wisdom and not peace, contrary to popular belief

what i’m saying is that imma still fight buzzfeed

it’s time for the bear to come out

 

**jake** _@jakeyboy_

**@ZenBear** u literally have so much power

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

**@ZenBear** okay but buzzfeed got one thing right: abbies a badass and a sweetheart

 

**michael** _@saucepanscientist_

**@panwithaplan** ur actually so right

 

**snuffles** _@snufflestep_

**@panwithaplan** i love

 

**J** _@LegitSnacc_

**@ZenBear** can I help u fight Buzzfeed ?

 

**Chocolate Donuts** _@ChocolateDonuts_

**@panwithaplan** abbie is adorable and i love her

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@ChocolateDonuts** we all love her

 

**\---**

 

**A New Starkling Has Been Found: Who Is @AbbieKeenstar?**

**Posted on July 4, 2017, at 3:12 p.m.**

**Kristine Jacobs (Buzzfeed Staff)**

3 days after the discovery of Tony Stark’s mentee, Harley Keener, a new “Starkling,” as the internet has dubbed them, has been found; Harley Keener’s sister. Abbie Keener exposed herself on Twitter after taking down some anti-Tony Stark tweets--both elegantly and viciously, might this author add--and then subsequently being discovered by some of Stark’s fans. User **@panwithaplan** tweeted out the screenshots of Abbie’s takedowns, and people began to wonder who **@AbbieKeenstar** was. One user pointed out that Abbie’s name, “sister of the mechanic 2.0,” could give us clues to her identity; **@themechanic** being Harley Keener’s username. The same user then went on to deduce that Abbie was probably Harley’s sister, meaning that she was also considered one of Stark’s rapidly increasing numbers of children. All in all, Abbie Keener is a badass, seems to take after Pepper Potts herself (start the conspiracy theories, everyone!), and is quite an oblivious sweetheart, due to the fact that she isn’t aware of the reason for her increase in followers:

**sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKeenstar_

Why the fuck do i have so many followers now

 

**\---**

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0** _@AbbieKeenstar_

Holy shit

 

**\---**

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0**

_@AbbieKeenstar_

**to**

**Tony Stark**

_@IAmIronMan_

 

Hi tony

Sorry to bother u, ik ur offline but i dont have access to texts rn

Ppl know who i am now

Buzzfeed wrote an article and shit

I dont know what to do

Went from 103 followers to 1m

But its chill

Im fine

Its all fine

Sorry

Abbs I’m here now

Take a deep breath for me, okay?

Okay

Pepper’s got someone to deal with this, don’t worry about it kiddo

Just don’t tweet out anything more

Okay

You good?

Yeah, just sorta

Freaked out

I didnt realize what it would be like

Just sorta terrifying, ya kno

I know, kiddo

But I’ve got you, Pepper’s got you

But if Peppers dealing w it then I’m fine

Exactly

It’ll be okay

Thanks dad

Shit Im sorry

Shit

Sorry sorry sorry

_@IAmIronMan is typing_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lizzie wasn't supposed to be this important. she took on a life of her own. oh no. 
> 
> like seriously, my main twitter peeps were gonna be ella, nicki, and marie. but then. the rise of zen bear. 
> 
> *whispers* fear her. 
> 
> anyway, hope y'all liked this chapter, sorry for the slight cliffhanger, but the reason tony wasn't talking much at the end of the last chap was because he was texting abbie! lemme know what y'all thought about this, and uh. next chap pov will be,,,tony's. so strap in for that! ;)


	19. not knowing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Pete, please eat your dinner, and Pep, stop distracting him.”
> 
> “Tones, you’re such a dad.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so, just a few heads-ups (?) about this chapter. one, underline text means sign language (asl), so i apologize in advance for any discrepancies. two, slight tw for a panic attack (i think it's the most intense out of the ones so far, it isn't awful, but i still feel like i should warn y'all).
> 
> (and i'm? technically? on time with this update? right? in some places? so,,,,,five weeks in a row, baby!)

**\- --- -. -.--**

**Tuesday, July 4, 2017**

 

_She called me Dad. She called me Dad. (You don’t deserve her.) She called me Dad._

 

**sister of the mechanic 2.0**

_@AbbieKeenstar_

**to**

**Tony Stark**

_@IAmIronMan_

 

Shit Im sorry

Shit

Sorry sorry sorry

Abbie

It’s okay

It’s really okay

I love you, kiddo

I love u too

Dad

Crap I gtg, ttyl

Bye kiddo

 

_Fuck, I love her. (You don’t deserve this.)_

 

“Tones? You good?”

 

“Abbie, she called me-just look, honey bear.”

 

“Oh, Tones.” 

 

“Alright, Peter, Harley, Rhodey, all of you sit down. Tony, phone _away_. Thank you, and thank you, Happy for getting the food, we are going to eat and talk to each other and stay away from the internet for once in any of our lives.”

 

_God, I love Pep._

 

“Okay, Ms-Pepper.”

 

_If the look Harley just gave Peter isn’t the most sickeningly adorable thing I’ve ever seen, I don’t know what is._

 

“Peter, why don’t you tell us what you guys did in the lab today.”

 

“Oh, no, Pep, you don’t have to-” _Nope, okay, shutting up now._ “Never mind, go ahead, Pete.”

 

“Uh, well, me and Harley started designing lightsabers a couple days ago, but then I went home, and so we never got around to building them, plus we didn’t really have the materials because we didn’t know where to get the alloys for the handles, and I wasn’t _exactly_ sure how to make the magnetic field work so that it would actually be, like, a sword. Thingy. Blade. You know? But Tony helped and like, we actually made them, and coded FRIDAY into them, and so that was really cool and-”

 

_I love his rambles. He’s such a kid. (You can’t let him lose that innocence.)_

 

“Pete, you breathing there?”

 

“Yes, Happy, I’m breathing.”

 

“Just checking.”

 

“Anyway, we’ve got like, three functioning lightsabers now, even though we probably shouldn’t technically be calling them lightsabers, because they aren’t powered by a kyber crystal, and the blade isn’t plasma, it’s a blast from the arc reactor that’s just sustained, but I think that’s just semantics.”

 

_He’s such a fucking dork._

 

“Mm.”

 

“Oh, and we named them! So FRIDAY can remotely control each one by name, so like, no accidental decapitations or limb losses. Heh, like in Episode V-”

 

“No _whats_? Tony, what did he say?”

 

“Oh. Uh. Pep. You know. Decapitations. Limb loss. Normal…things.” 

 

“Tony, are they _dangerous_?”

 

“Technically?”

 

“Tony Stark, I swear to God-”

 

“Pep, I coded a shit-ton of safety precautions into them, the kids aren’t getting hurt anytime soon.” 

 

_How could you think I’d let them get hurt, I can’t let them get hurt. My entire life is devoted to making sure none of you get hurt._

 

“Oh. Okay.”

 

_I hate that you can read me so well, Pep. (No, you don’t.) No, I don’t._

 

“Yeah, the lightsabers are completely safe, Mo-Pepper.”

 

_Did he just-call Pepper-_

 

“Mmm, this pasta’s really good!”

 

_Dear God, honey bear, I love you._

 

“Oh. Thank you, Rhodey.”

 

“Yeah, Ms-Pepper, it’s great!”

 

“Mmhmm, thanks Pepper.” 

 

“Yes, what they said, good job, Pep.” 

 

_Why don’t I just…kick Harley subtly under the table?_

 

“Ouch!” _Guess that wasn’t subtle enough, then. If I raise my eyebrows at him, will he understand what I’m asking him or is he freaking out too much right now?_ “‘m fine.” _Okay then, he got it._

 

“Pete, please eat your dinner, and Pep, stop distracting him.”

 

“Tones, you’re such a dad.”

 

“Platypus, I love you, but shush.”

 

“You _are_ , though.”

 

“Rhodey-”

 

“Don’t whine at me, Tones.” _Hmph, I wasn’t whining._ “You need to eat your dinner too.”

 

“Fine.”

 

“Awh.”

 

“Pepper, don’t say a word.”

 

“You two are cute, that’s all.”

 

_I don’t like that look on her face._

 

“Hey, speaking of cute, Ms-Pepper, what’s up with you and May?”

 

_Oh, the kid knows what’s up._

 

“What-there’s nothing-I don’t know what you’re talking about, Peter.”

 

_What._

 

“O-okay.”

 

“May’s your aunt, right?”

 

“Yeah, she’s great.” 

 

“Tell me about her. I mean, only if you want to-”

 

_Harley is absolutely whipped for Peter, I swear._

 

“No! I mean-yeah. I can.”

 

_And now they’re huddled together, could they be any closer? And Harley got Peter rambling again, I fucking love them. Peter really loves May, of course he’d ramble. (I don’t deserve them.)_

 

“They’re _adorable_ , Tones.”

 

“Mmhmm. And oblivious.”

 

“Don’t meddle.”

 

“How dare you accuse me of such a thing, platypus, I am wounded!” 

 

“Babe-”

 

“Yeah, I know. And I wasn’t planning on it anyway. They’ve got time. They’ll figure it out.”

 

“Yeah. Just like we did.”

 

“Just like we did.”

 

**\---**

 

“Uh, I’m gonna go see if the fireworks have started yet. All of you, stay the fuck inside.”

 

“Language!”

 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, bye!”

 

“Hey, FRI, keep an eye on him, please.”

 

“Always, Boss.”

 

**\---**

 

_Something’s up with Peter, he looks upset._

 

“Hey, Pete, c’mere. What’s wrong, kiddo?”

 

“I think-I think I did something to hurt Harley, or I messed up, or something.”

 

“What?” 

 

“I don’t know, I-he’s just been ignoring me since he got back in from seeing if the fireworks had started yet.” 

 

_Fireworks, loud noises, Harley doesn’t like loud noises, his hearing aids make them too loud, he probably took them off-_

 

“Was he looking at you when you talked to him?”

 

“Huh?”

  
“Pete, were you facing him when you tried to talk to him?” 

 

“I don’t think so? What does that have to do with-” _Ready, aim, fire!_ “Tony, why’d you just throw that at him-”

 

“Oi, Tony, what the fuck?”

 

“Number one, language, number two, you forgot your hearing aids, bud.”

 

“Oh. Sorry.” 

 

_Now he’s upset, goddamnit._

 

"Don’t be sorry, kiddo. You can leave ‘em out if you want. It’s just that Peter-”

 

“Shit.”

 

_Oh. He didn’t want Peter to know. Bullshit, he shouldn’t have to think like that. (I’m going to murder Macy.)_

 

“Harley. It doesn’t make you any less of the amazing person you are. You’re stronger because of it, and Peter would never treat you any differently. But I am sorry, you should’ve been the one to tell him-”

"It’s fine. He knows now, right? And I know that he’s-how do I-” _How does he what?_ “I know that he’s Spider-Man.” 

 

_Oh, he was trying to say Spidey._

 

“You could’ve spelled it out, Harls.” 

 

“Yeah, well, I…”

 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.”

 

“What just-what did you guys-”

 

_Oh, Pete has no idea what we were talking about._

 

“Tony was just being a dad. Sorry that I didn’t tell you about the-ya know. I just forget about it, and it’s not that big of a deal, but it kinda is, especially when I forget to put my hearing aids back in, and I’m sorry-”

 

_And he’s rambling. Second time today. Ah, to be young and in love._

 

“Harley, you don’t have to apologize. It’s okay. I get it. Believe me. I get it.”

 

_Oh, he’s talking about something else entirely now, and Harley doesn’t know it. Huh._

 

“Thanks, Peter.” 

 

_Those were the shyest pair of smiles I’ve ever seen._

 

“So Tony, when did you learn to sign?”

 

“Back in 2012, when I met Bart-” 

 

_Barton. "Il futurista è qui! Vede tutto, sa cosa è meglio per te, che ti piaccia o no!” My fault, my fault, “I’m trying to keep you from tearing the Avengers apart,” it’s my fault, “Happy birthday, Cap!”_

 

“Tony?” 

 

“Mr. Stark, are you okay?” 

 

_“‘Happy birthday, Cap’ is right, how’s our 90-year-old hero doing, huh, Capsicle?”_

 

_“Don’t underestimate my age, I’m a proud 96-year-old."_

 

_“Wow, how old of you.”_

 

_“Natasha, that was an awful pun.”_

 

_“Sure, Stark, sure.”_

 

_“ Nah, Tasha, Stark’s right, for once.”   _

 

_“That was rude, Barton.”_

 

_“Yeah, okay, Mr. Futurist.”_

 

“No, stop!” 

 

“Rhodey, Tony needs-”

 

_Shut up shut up can’t breathe shut up I can’t breathe someone help-_

 

“Tones.” _Rhodey._ “I’m here, baby, you’re safe, okay? No one is going to hurt you, I’m here. I’ve got you. You’re safe, you’re okay, I’m here. The kids are safe. Tony, can you hear me?” _Nod, just move your head, Tony. (You’re weak, you’re pathetic-)_ “Can I touch you?” _Can’t move, Rhodey please, I can’t breathe, you deserve better, Rhodey, you need to leave, please don’t leave, Rhodey, protect the kids, they deserve better than me, I’m going to hurt them-_ “Okay, Tones, I’m not gonna touch you, but baby, listen to my breaths, breathe with me, okay, babe? In, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4.” 

 

_(Useless, pathetic, they deserve better, they all deserve better, you’re nothing.) In, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4. (The happiness is fake, it’s a dream, you don’t deserve it, you tore the Avengers apart.) In, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4._

 

“Hng, Rhod-wh-wher-the _kids_ -”

 

“It’s Peter, Mr. Stark, me and Harley are safe, we’re right here.”

 

_They’re safe, they’re okay, in, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4 (they aren’t safe with you around, Rhodey got hurt because of you, “You gotta watch your back with this guy, there’s a chance he’s gonna break it,” it’s your fault, your fault-)_

 

“M’ faul-i’s my fault-Rhode-’m sorry.”

 

“No, Tony, _baby_ , I’m safe, I’m okay, it wasn’t your fault. I’m right here, keep counting my breaths, keep breathing, Tones. C’mon, in, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4.”

 

_In, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4. In, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4. In, 2, 3, 4, out, 2, 3, 4._

 

“Good job, baby, I’m proud of you, you’re doing great, everything’s okay. You’re safe, I’m safe, the kids are safe, Pepper and Happy are safe, it’s all okay.” _It’s okay._ “Yeah, there you go, you’re back. I’m here.” _Rhodey._ “Can you tell me where we are right now, Tones?”

 

“Stark Tower, 98th floor, living room.” 

 

“Yeah. You’re right here, baby.”

 

“Can you-Rhodey, can you-”

 

“What do you need, Tones? Can I touch you?”

 

“Please.”

 

“C’mere, baby. I’ve got you. It’s okay.” 

 

_Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry._

 

“‘m sorry.”

 

“No, Tones, don’t ever apologize, okay?” 

 

“Mmm.” _I’m still sorry._ “All it was-it was just his _name_ , Rhodey. His name. And I-” 

 

_And I’m weak. Pathetic. Broken._

 

“Tones. Look at me. No. You can’t control what triggers you, okay?”

 

“Sure.” 

 

“Baby, you can’t control it-” _I should be able to control it, though._ “-and that’s okay.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Okay?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“I love you so much, Tones. I’ve got you.”

 

“Rhodey, can you-” _Don’t ask him, it’s stupid._ “-never mind.” 

 

“What is it, babe?”

 

“No, it was stupid, I just-”

 

“Tony.”

 

_I just need a connection to you._

 

“Just-kiss me, please.”

 

“Oh, Tones. C’mere.” _I love you, I love you, I love you._ “You okay?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Mr. Stark?”

 

_Shit, the kids._

 

“Hey, Pete.” _I’m sorry you had to see that, I’m sorry I’m broken, I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry._ “Just the daily dose of panic, ya know?”

 

“Tones.” “Dad.” “Mr. Stark.”

 

“Alright, alright, I get it, you don’t want me to be self-deprecating-”

 

“ _Tones._ ”

 

“Sorry.”

 

“Okay, c’mon, we’re standing up now, yup, there you go. Now give your sons a hug, please.”

 

“Okay, okay, oof-ouch. Just run straight at me, huh, Pete?”

 

“‘m sorry I asked.”

 

_Fuck._

 

“No, Pete, it’s not your fault, okay?”

 

“Mm.”

 

“Peter.”

  
“Okay.”

 

“Harls, you get in here too, bud.”

 

“Nah, I’m good on the physical affection right now.”

 

“You sure?”

 

“Yeah. Hey, what if we watched a movie?”

 

“Movie night again? Didn’t you boys just have one?”

 

“Oh, c’mon, Pepper. Please?”

 

_Harley, your puppy eyes don’t work, you’re too old and too much of a heathen._

 

“Yeah, please, Ms-Pepper?”

 

_Peter’s, on the other hand-_

 

“Yes, alright, we’ll have a Stark Family Movie Night. Again.”

 

“Fuck yeah.”

 

“Harls-”

 

“Fine. Heck yeah.”

 

“Better. We are _not_ watching Despicable Me again, nor the sequel, nor the spinoff about the creepy yellow people.”

 

“Fair enough.”

 

“Tones, let’s watch-”

 

“If you say ‘The Documentary of Tony Stark, Playboy,’ I’ll slap you.”

 

“Please save that for the bedroom, boss.”

 

_Excuse me?_

 

“Happy!”

 

“Hey, Happy, from the deepest place of respect within me-” _Harley, you don’t have a place of respect._ “-what the fuck? What the actual fuck?” 

 

“Please don’t say that in front of the kids. Ever again.”

 

“‘m not wrong, though.”

 

_Jesus Christ._

 

“Happy!” 

 

“Sorry, Pep.”

 

“I’m scarred for life now.” 

 

“Join the club, Peter. Join the fucking club.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry if harley's hard-of-hearingness seems like it came out of nowhere, i tried to make it seem like it's just something he doesn't like to talk about, which is why it hasn't come up yet (but in reality, it did come out of nowhere because i only just decided to cave to bb's subtle hints about their love of hoh harley ((bb ily and i hope you liked this chapter)), and they helped me figure out how to work it in.) 
> 
> also it seems like everything ends with a movie night. (it's because i'm not creative, wbk.)
> 
> i hope y'all liked it! let me know what your thoughts are! <3


	20. [can i get an #askharley, can i PLEASE get an #askharley]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **marie kay** _@panwithaplan_  
>  **@themechanic** u-u shot tony stark-with a-potato?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a whole? six weeks? in a row? this is the most writing i've ever been doing and i'm fucking living, i've got a flash thompson series going and i posted an abbie keener thing and like wow i'm actually being productive? 
> 
> hope y'all enjoy this, i had a lotta fun writing it!

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

dunno if he’ll see this but,,,can i get an #askharley

can i pLEASE get an #askharley

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@thenickimouseclubhouse** love why didnt u @ him

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

**@acebase** bECAUSE IM A COWARD, LEAVE ME ALONE

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@thenickimouseclubhouse** hm. **@themechanic**

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

fuckin hell i hate my gf

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@thenickimousclubhouse** no u dont

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

**@acebase** no i dont

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

aight yall ask me some questions #askharley ( **@thenickimouseclubhouse** ;) )

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

aHHHH

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

#askharley okay so sorry if this is an invasion of privacy and you dont have to answer it if you dont wanna but are you lgbtq+?

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@thenickimouseclubhouse** yup im gay af

 

**nicki** _@thenickimouseclubhouse_

**@themechanic** big same, thank you for sharing that <3

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@thenickimouseclubhouse** :)

 

**ella** _@acebase_

i dont rly have a question but i feel like i should ask one cuz its my s/o who started this so #askharley whats the most romantic thing someones ever done for u

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@acebase** uh. nobodys really done anything? romantic? for me? 

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@themechanic** how tf ur actually the sweetest

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@acebase** nope im not.

 

**william** _@willnyethescienceguy_

Face reveal?? #askharley 

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@willnyethescienceguy** _[hi.jpeg]_  ;)

 

**ben** _@benthebi_

ok so harley keener is fucking hot

 

**Flash** _@smartestmanalive_

**@themechanic** Holy fuck

 

**william** _@willnyethescienceguy_

**@themechanic** oh lord

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@willnyethescienceguy** nope just harley ;)

 

**william** _@willnyethescienceguy_

**@themechanic** oh fUCk

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

how’d u meet tony? #askharley

 

**tony has all my uwus** _@IAmIronStan_

fav avenger? #askharley

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@IAmIronStan** tony obv

 

**tony has all my uwus** _@IAmIronStan_

**@themechanic** amazing

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

**@themechanic @IAmIronStan** his response was automatic we stan

 

**nothing can stahp me** _@livingmybestlife_

#askharley Do you live w Tony? 

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@livingmybestlife** sometimes

 

**my croissant !** _@vinesssbabyy_

Have you met spidey ? #askharley

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@vinesssbabyy** yup, met him on the 4th

 

**adric** _@AsymetricalAdric_

#askharley are you bilingual?

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@AsymetricalAdric** yup i speak asl bc im hoh

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

what’s it like to know god? (and how many bots does he have?) #askharley

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@ZenBear** fuckin amazing im so thankful for him (and hes got 2--dum-e and u, plus friday, jocasta ((ais)) and frederick the toaster ((who is not a bot, he is Pure Intimidation)))

 

**lizzie** _@ZenBear_

**@themechanic** i’m glad you have him (also we stan frederick the toaster)

 

**michael** _@saucepanscientist_

#askharley what Things do u like

 

**michael** _@saucepanscientist_

**@saucepanscientist** wait that sounded wrong i meant like tv shows and shit 

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@saucepanscientist** i like it rough ;) ok but i like scifi/fantasy shit (like dw) and star wars and lotr (spideys the Big star wars fan tho)

 

**adric** _@AsymetricalAdric_

**@themechanic** way to be horny on main

 

**michael** _@saucepanscientist_

**@themechanic** Oh my fuck

 

**babey GOD** _@angryjane_

#askharley is tony a soccer dad or pta dad

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@angryjane** pta, hed never be aggressive towards his kids like soccer parents

 

**babey GOD** _@angryjane_

**@themechanic** we stan

 

**J** _@LegitSnacc_

#askharley can u cook? Can Tony cook? 

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@LegitSnacc** yes we both can (hes italian, im southern, its automatically in our blood) spidey Cannot at all

 

**J** _@LegitSnacc_

**@themechanic** makes sense

 

**they did surgery on a grape** _@maryandmemes_

Does tony know memes #askharley

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@maryandmemes** some of them, its terrifying whenever he quotes 1

 

**mere** _@musicalsforlifeee_

#askharley on average, how many times a day does tony wildly over exaggerate something?

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@musicalsforlifeee** fuckin constantly, its hilarious

us: ur short

him: gASp wHAt SLaNDeR aGAiNSt mY gOOD nAmE

 

**‘Tis I, Pierce** _@tisme_

How does the ironfam act when y’all play card/board games #askharley

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@tisme** uh i havent played any with spidey but with me tony my sister pep rhodey and happy its Scary. abbie and rhodey are the most competitive people u will ever meet, except pep always wins bc Strategy, tony doesnt actually give a fuck, happy always tries and never suceeds, i just. watch. (and screw over other people)

 

**‘Tis I, Pierce** _@tisme_

**@themechanic** That was so much better than I could’ve expected

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@panwithaplan** i left urs for last bc its a Story. so back when shit went down with the mandarin in 2013 (when everyone thought he was dead), tony crashlanded in my town, broke into my garage, i shot him with a potato, and he promptly adopted me. thats basically what happened

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

**@themechanic** u-u shot tony stark-with a-potato?

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@panwithaplan** yup it was great, i have a potato gun

 

**mere** _@musicalsforlifeee_

#askharley follow up, how long did it take before you broke your potato gun

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@musicalsforlifeee** uhhh i broke the 1st one after three days but the mark 3 (the 1 i shot tony w) is alive and going strong

 

**mere** _@musicalsforlifeee_

**@musicalsforlifeee @themechanic** nice

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

#askharley hey why the fuck are you still awake

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

oh boi

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@therealspiderman** u r too? the fuck? 

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@themechanic** i’m patrolling, plus spiders don’t need sleep, you need to go the fuck to sleep

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

i guess thats all the questions for now yall, but if you keep asking ill keep answering in the future, gnight!

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@therealspiderman @themechanic** that was pure

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@acebase** that’s my specialty

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@therealspiderman** fuck u

 

**(your friendly neighborhood) spider-man** _@therealspiderman_

**@themechanic** go to bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you guys enjoyed, and if y'all have any questions you want me to use in upcoming #askharley's, #askspidey's, #askabbie's or maybe even,,,,#askpeter's, drop them below and i might use them! i love hearing from y'all, it fuels me, so let me know what you thought! <3
> 
> (also if this chapter was confusing i'm sorry, i wrote it in a weird way)
> 
> EDIT: the weird formatting has been fixed, apologies for the confusion, but my computer glitched out on me and wouldn't let me imbed the link to the photo in the actual fic, so [here?](http://www.teenidols4you.com/blink/Actors/ty-simpkins/ty-simpkins-1500881401.jpg)
> 
> come yell at me on [tumblr](https://charliebradburyismyspirit-animal.tumblr.com) or [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/angxlsgrxce/)


	21. what it was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **3:07 AM-the stark home for teenage geniuses**  
>  **You:** hey you good?
> 
> **harley <3:** yea  
>  **harley <3:** no  
>  **harley <3:** idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **TW FOR THIS CHAPTER:** suicidal thoughts from an outsider's perspective, brief mentions of underage drinking and non-con
> 
> so yes i'm technically a day off but. does it still count? 
> 
> big shoutouts to natythespidey and SmolTownFangirl (i'll link later, i'm too lazy rn) for helping me make this chapter work, it made zero fucking sense before they showed up. 
> 
> also there's almost 800 words of peter talking about cults. i dunno either.

**.--. . - . .-.**

**Saturday, July 8, 2017**

 

**3:07 AM-the stark home for teenage geniuses**

**You:** hey you good?

 

**harley <3: **yea

**harley <3: **no

**harley <3: **idk

 

_I don’t like that. He’s not okay right now._

 

**harley <3: **ur right i should sleep, im just stuck in my head

**harley <3: **answering qs helped distract me

 

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck, I fucked up, I shouldn’t have told him to stop._

 

**You:** shit i’m sorry

 

**harley <3: **no dw ab it, i should sleep anyway

**harley <3: **sometimes life is just fuckin hard

 

_I don’t fucking like those thoughts._

 

**You:** do you wanna call

 

**harley <3: **i dont rly wanna talk rn and u dont kno asl

 

**You:** is tony up

**You:** or rhodey

 

**harley <3: **no

 

_They won’t mind if you wake them up._

 

**harley <3: **im not waking them up either

 

_Okay. Fuck._

 

“Karen, plot the fastest course to the Tower.” 

 

“Plotting fastest course.”

 

**You:** do you want me to come over?

 

**harley <3: **idrc

**harley <3: **u dont have to worry about me

 

_Fuck that, of course I’m gonna worry about you, I care about you._

 

**You:** but i am worried, because i care about you

 

_Fuck, did I overstep?_

 

**harley <3: **ok

 

**You:** ok to which

 

**harley <3: **idc

**harley <3: **idk

 

**You:** do you think you’re gonna do something you’ll regret

 

**harley <3: **idk

 

_Yeah, nope._

 

“ETA, Karen?”

 

“Nine minutes and forty-three seconds, web here and swing.”

 

_Thank you for the glowy indication, that helps._

 

**You:** i’m coming over now, i’ll be there in 10

 

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck, please be okay, I can’t lose you too._

 

**harley <3: **ok

**harley <3: **buy me dinner first lmao

 

_He didn’t mean it like that, he’s using humor to deflect. (He’s exactly like Tony.)_

 

“Turn left here, Peter. No, the other left.”

 

“Much appreciated.”

 

_C’mon, Harley._

 

“Karen, can you text Harley and ask him where he is right now, please?”

 

**You:** where are you

 

“Would you like me to reroute to your Heads-Up Display?”

 

_I’ll probably crash. (Like last time.) I should probably make it so the default setting isn’t to ask about my HUD._

 

“No, just read it, please.”

 

“‘Room.’”

 

_Okay, that’s okay._

 

“Tell him I’ll be there in-” _Wait._ “When will I be there?”

 

“ETA six minutes and twenty-five seconds, you’ve been moving faster than expected.”

 

_Read: sprinting because I’m fucking scared._

 

“Tell him I’ll be there in five minutes.”

 

**You:** i’ll be there in 5 minutes

 

“He said, ‘okay.’”

 

_Okay, that was expected, I need to breathe._

 

“Okay, okay, tell him to-”  _What could I possibly say that will help? (You can’t help him at all-)_ “I don’t fucking need this right now, I need to help Harley.” 

 

“You want me to tell Harley-”

 

“No! No. I was just-talking to myself. Don’t tell him anything.” _Wait, what if-_ “Karen, can you send him something that allows him to track my location.”

 

“Yes, it’s called the ‘Where’s The Baby Protocol,’ alternatively known as, ‘Nobody Puts Baby In A Corner Without Dad Knowing.’”

 

_I swear to God, Tony. (‘Without Dad Knowing,’ he called himself my dad.) Not right now._

 

“Of course it is. Can you do that, send it to Harley or whatever?” 

 

“Of course, Peter, I just sent it. And if you want Mr. Stark to alter any of the names of his protocols, you could just ask-” 

 

“Not right now, Karen.”

 

“Sorry, Peter.”

 

_She’s actually the sweetest AI in human history._

 

“It’s okay. Uh, ETA?”

 

“Three minutes and sixteen seconds. And one new message from Harley, he said ‘thank you.’”

 

“Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Hey, Karen, what time is it?” 

 

“It’s 3:07 AM.”

 

_Okay, so Pepper probably isn’t up, but it’s worth asking._

 

“Is Pepper awake?”

 

_I should’ve asked this earlier, he could’ve been with Pepper, I fucked up._

 

“No, she is not, Peter.”

 

_Oh. Okay. I need to calm down, I can’t help Harley if I’m freaking out._

 

“Okay. Okay.”

 

“You have arrived at your destination.”

 

“Thanks, Karen, I can tell.”  _Okay, floor 99 is here, my window is there, I gotta change and get out my binder-but Harley doesn’t know yet so big hoodie. Fuck. What if he wants to hug me. Fuck. It’s fine. It’ll be fine. (But what if it’s not?) It doesn’t matter. Mask off, suit off, binder off, hoodie and sweatpants on. Okay. I’m good. Gotta fucking get to Harley’s room (turn around turn around turn around). Hi, Spidey Sense. And there he is._ “Oh. Hey. Do you wanna come in?” _That was a shrug._ “C’mere. Do you want me to talk or do you wanna try and sleep with me here?” _Shrug._ “Want me to talk?” 

 

_C’mon, Harley, work with me here._

 

“ OK. ”

 

“Hey, I actually knew that one!” _That was a small smile, that’s good._ “Do you wanna sit down? Or lie down? Do you want me to touch you or-” _Big nope on that._ “Okay. You can lie down on my bed, I can sit over here-or no? Do you want me to sit next to you? M’kay, scoot a little bit. No touching, I promise, I’m gonna stay over here. Good? 

 

“Okay, so patrol was relatively mild tonight, I encountered another cult meeting, I don’t know how I keep finding these things, like, it’s weird, I think this is maybe the fifth? The first time was almost a year ago, and I was, like, just patrolling, and then I heard some weird-ass noises coming from this one building, and so naturally I go and take a look through the window, and there’s just a bunch of people sitting in a circle with their eyes half-open and the lights are somehow blood-red, some real mood lighting if you ask me. I was just gonna leave, but then one of them saw me, and they started chanting, and moving towards the window, and I’m not gonna lie, it sorta terrified me, but then one of them opened the window-still chanting, I should say-and somehow managed to ask for my autograph. It was weird as fuck, man.

 

“Second time I ran into a cult, it was because I was walking someone home from a bar because she didn’t feel safe, and we get to her apartment, and then in the lobby, there’s just a bunch of people dancing around a fire? Yeah, it was weird. I was thrown, but she just grinned at me, kissed me on the cheek-which was super sweet, by the way-and then she joined in with the dancing? They started chanting too, and I was honestly expecting the fire to change colors, or some weird shit like that, but it didn’t, so, I dunno. After that, I just left. She seemed like she could take care of herself, and I’ve walked her home a couple other times too. I still know nothing about the cult, though.” _He seems like he’s getting sleepy, this is good._ “Uhh, third time I wasn’t actually being Spidey, so I dunno if it counts, but I’ll tell the story anyway. 

 

“I was looking for a job-I know, I know, Tony pays me for ‘interning,’ but I feel like I should take responsibility anyway, that’s a conversation for another time. Anyway, I was looking for a job, saw an ad on Twitter-which is sketch, I know-but all this lady needed me to do was take out her garbage, so I was like, ‘yeah, easy!’ I get to this house, and she opens the door, with the creepiest grin ever, and asks if I’m there to, and I quote, ‘remove the remains.’ That freaks me out a little, but I nod, and so she shoves a bag of clothes at me? Which was weird. And then she tells me that the spirits would walk again if I didn’t burn them, so I sorta just nodded, left, donated them to a local shelter, and I did that for the rest of the week until she decided that she no longer needed assistance in ‘cleansing her soul.’ Weird. 

 

“Fourth time I was on patrol again, MJ and Ned were running comms, and Ned picked up something on a police scanner about something that they were having difficulty handling at…I think it was at Yellowstone Park? Anyway, I was close by, so I swung over, and there was just a big fire? It was controlled, and there were people chanting around it in Latin, but they weren’t doing any harm, and the cops were just trying to get them to put out the fire, so I left. What is it with cults and fires, though? Is it supposed to channel energy? I don’t get it. 

 

“Tonight, of course, was the most recent cult encounter, and it was probably the most mild out of all of them. I just ran into a few people carrying bags of what was probably blood, but it wasn’t human blood, so that was fine. I trailed them for a couple blocks, they met up with a few other people who had more blood, and then all that blood got dumped in a trashcan, which they then-betcha can guess-lit on fire. I think they were summoning something, they chanted for a bit, the fire died down pretty easily, they left, and then I made sure it was out completely. So, uh. Yeah.” _Oh fuck, I’ve run out of things to talk about, and I can’t see his face. Fuck._ “Harley?”

 

“Mrmmph.”

 

_That sounded like a sleep noise. Yes, he’s asleep. That’s good. That’s really fucking good. (I need to stay awake in case he has another nightmare.)_

 

**\---**

 

**5:53 AM-keeping up with the parkers**

**You:** hey, i’m at the tower in case you’re wondering, i ended up coming here after patrol last night

 

**super aunt:** Why? Did you get hurt? 

**super aunt:** Peter I swear to god if you’re hurt

 

_Should’ve told her I wasn’t hurt first._

 

**You:** no i’m fine

 

_She possibly might not believe that. (Try ‘probably.’)_

 

**You:** i promise i’m fine

 

**super aunt:** Okay…so why did you go there instead of coming back here?

 

_How much do I tell her. Fuck._

 

**You:** harley wasn’t doing so well

**You:** i was worried

 

**super aunt:** Hon

 

_Don’t you dare say something about the crush, that’s not what this was about._

 

**super aunt:** Never mind. I understand 

 

_Oh. Okay then._

 

**You:** i’m just gonna stay here for the normal weekend schedule, is that okay? 

 

**super aunt:** Of course

**super aunt:** I’m leaving for work now

 

**You:** have a good day! love you

 

**super aunt:** Love you too hon

 

**\---**

 

**8:43 AM-NERDVENGERS**

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** peter is harley okay?

 

_How the fuck does she-they-MJ-know that he wasn’t?_

 

**You:** [pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]?

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** [yellow heart emoji]

 

**You:** ok how tf did you know he wasn’t

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** twitter 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** he seemed off

 

**You:** yuo don’t know him tho??

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** yuo

 

_Fucking autocorrect doesn’t work right._

 

**You:** shut the fuck up

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** no i don’t think i will

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** also he just didn’t seem himself

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** he’s not the kinda person who’d just go to bed like that

 

_Yeah, fucking creepy that they know that he’s like that._

 

**You:** okay,,,

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** never mind, is he doing okay now?

 

**You:** uh

**You:** he’s asleep?

 

**my guy in the chair:** And u kno this how?

 

_They’re both about to tease me relentlessly. Well, fuck. May as well put it off._

 

**You:** hi ned!

 

**my guy in the chair:** Hey Peter, dont avoid the q

 

**You:** he’s kinda?  
**You:** in my bed? 

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhjyJO0DUhA ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XhjyJO0DUhA)

 

_Is that-_

 

**You:** mj istfg

 

**my guy in the chair:** Get sum fucc peter

 

_No._

 

**You:** It wasn’t like that. Stop.

 

**my guy in the chair:** Sorry

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** sorry

 

**You:** thanks

 

**my guy in the chair:** Its an avocado

 

_Fuck, I love them._

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** you both are stupid as fuck

 

**You:** and you love us anyway

 

**my guy in the chair:** And u love us anyway

 

**You:** JINX

 

**my guy in the chair:** JONX

 

_Jonx?_

 

**my guy in the chair:** Aw fuck

 

**[pink heart emoji][yellow heart emoji]:** lmao jonx

 

**You:** jonx

 

“Mrmph.” 

 

_Oh, is he waking up?_

 

**You:** i think harley’s waking up bye

 

“Harley?”

 

“Mmm.” _What do I do? Do I wake him up or not? Definitely no touching, it might still trigger him, but what do I dooo-his eyes are open._ “Peter? ‘sat you?”

 

“Yeah, I’m here.” _I’ve got you. You’re safe._ “I-”

 

“Mm, can’t hear you.”

 

“Oh.” _I have to turn so he can read my lips._ “Better?”

 

“Mmhmm. ‘m not doing hearing aids today. ‘s too much.”  

 

“ OK. ”

 

“Mm, you do know that one.”

 

“Yup. How do you-”

 

“Clearer, please.”

 

_Shit._

 

“OK. How do you feel?”

 

“Wha’ do you mea-oh. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck fuck. I have to-”

 

_Shit, now he’s signing and I don’t understand it and fuck, I fucked something up-_

 

“Harley?”

 

“ I’m sorry. ” 

 

“No, please don’t be. You didn’t do anything. I’m just happy you’re okay.” 

 

“OK. Fuck.  I’m sorry.”

 

“Harley.”

 

“ Thank you. ”

 

“Always.”

 

“Ew, okay Snape.”

 

_What does he mean-oh._

 

“Harley!”

 

“Eh.”

 

“Do you want me to get Tony?”

 

“Slower.” 

 

“ Sorry.  Do you want me to get Tony?”

 

“No. He doesn’t need to-”

 

“Harley.”

 

“Yeah, actually. Please do.”

 

“OK. Do you actually want me to leave, or-”

 

“No. Just-FRI?”

 

“Boss has already been contacted, Boss Junior (The Better One).”

 

_FRIDAY is a perfect angel._

 

“Can you just go back to calling me Harley? Please?”

 

_I do not like how broken he just sounded._

 

“Of course, Harley.”

 

“Mm.”

 

_(Turn around turn around turn around.) And that would be Tony._

 

“Peter?” _Yup._ “FRI told me that Harley was-oh. Hey, Harls. C’mere. You okay for a hu-oof. Guess that means yes.” 

 

_I also don’t like the look Tony just gave me, that was fucking scary. Oh, and now they’re signing, and I don’t know what they’re saying. Why is Harley leaving? And now Tony is-_

 

“Che diavolo è successo ieri sera?” _Oh shit, Italian, he’s-_ “Pensavo fossi meglio di così, dovevi essere migliore- _fuck_. Why the hell was he sleeping in your room?”

 

“What? Mr. Stark, I-”

 

“You heard me. Why the hell was he in here?”  

 

_That’s a tone of voice I’ve never heard from him and what the actual fuck is going on?_

 

“He wasn’t-he wasn’t _okay_ last night, and we talked-or, well I talked, and he just happened to fall asleep in here, and I don’t know what you’re talking about-”

 

“Yeah, that’s fucking convenient, Peter. Care to explain why he reeks of booze?” 

 

_WHAT?_

 

“ _What?_ I don’t-”

 

“Did you take advantage of him last night?”

 

_Are you actually shitting me?_

 

“Seriously? I didn’t _do_ anything last night, except make sure that he wasn’t gonna fucking hurt himself. I stayed and talked until he fell asleep, and it just happened to be on my bed. I didn’t fucking do anything with him.” _(He wouldn’t want you anyway.) Okay, not fucking right now, I don’t need these thoughts._ “Do you seriously think I would take advantage of someone like that? You think I would do that to _Harley_? What the fuck, Tony. I didn’t even know he was drunk, and I definitely didn’t fucking touch him. The fucking reason I didn’t realize he was drunk was because I didn’t get close enough to him to tell, and he sure as hell wasn’t acting like it. He wasn’t okay last night. And I was just there for him. When you weren’t.” 

 

_Fuck, I shouldn’t have said that, fuck._

 

“I’m sorry. I’m _sorry_ , Peter. I didn’t mean-I was just worried, and Harley has a past and-” _What._ “I’m sorry-I know you wouldn’t-I’m sorry. I should have been there. You’re right. Fuck.”

 

_No, I was wrong._

 

“No, I shouldn’t have said that, you didn’t know, and-”

 

“I overreacted about him being here, I’m sorry, I know you would never do that-”

 

“I didn’t know he was drunk, I promise and I didn’t realize that it was something that’s happened before-”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“No, Pete, you don’t need to be sorry. I overreacted. I know. I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s-it’s okay.”

 

“I’m-I’ll go. You need to get some sleep. And I-I’m so sorry, kiddo.”

 

_No, I can’t let him leave like this._

 

“Tony, wait-”

 

“What? Oof-okay, yeah, hugs are good.” _Yeah. They are._ “Now get some sleep, bud.”

 

_But what about Harley?_

 

“But-”

 

“It’s okay, kiddo. I’ve got Harley. I’m gonna be there. It’s okay. Thank you for being there for him last night.”

 

“Y-yeah. I didn’t-” _No, I have to ask._ “What do you mean that he has a past?”

 

_Oh fuck, I don’t think Tony meant to tell me that._

 

“People-when people look at Harley, they don’t see what we see. They see a broken boy who’s ready for-” _Fuck he’s gonna cry, fuck-_ “-they see someone they can just take from. And I know you would never think of him that way, I _know_ that, Peter, I’m sorry. But I just got scared.” 

 

_Oh. Fuck._

 

“You’re his dad. I understand, Tony. I’m sorry that I said-”

 

“You don’t have to be sorry for _anything_.”

 

“I-”

 

“Peter.”

 

“Okay.”

 

“Now go the fuck to sleep, I can tell that you didn’t get any last night. Thank you for taking care of him, now you need to take care of yourself. I’ve got him. Go to bed.”

 

“Tuck me in then.”

 

“You’re an idiot.”

 

“You love me.”

 

“Yeah, I do, kid. Get some sleep.”

 

_Oh, forehead kiss. That was nice._

 

“Mm’kay. G’night, Tony. Love you.”

 

“Love you too, Underoos.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this? isn't where i thought it would go, especially on the tony side of things, but it feels very Right. 
> 
> lemme know what you think, please tell me if i should alter the tw's, and i hope y'all enjoyed! stay safe and i love y'all! <3
> 
> i'm big soft tonight i guess. i do love y'all though. you guys are actually the sweetest. 
> 
> (italian translations: "che diavolo è successo ieri sera?" = "what the hell happened last night?" and "pensavo fossi meglio di così, dovevi essere migliore-" = "i thought you were better than that, you had to be better-"/"you were supposed to be better-")
> 
> come yell at me on [tumblr](https://charliebradburyismyspirit-animal.tumblr.com) or [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/angxlsgrxce/)


	22. [puzzles. we like them]

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **harley ;)** _@themechanic_  
>  i Like puzzles
> 
> **harley ;)** _@themechanic_  
>  and my dad, i Like my dad too

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y’all i’m sorry this chap is so short, my computer is broken. (my brain is still throwing out ideas though, we love that for me, i've got a lot for that jealousy series i’m doing if you happen to be reading that.) anyways, enjoy!
> 
> shoutout to [JacksonOverlandFrost](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jackson_Overland_Frost/pseuds/Jackson_Overland_Frost) for beta-ing this chap!

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

i Like puzzles

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

and my dad, i Like my dad too

 

**Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

**@themechanic** I love you too, kid, now get off your phone, we have to finish the puzzle

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@IAmIronMan @themechanic** i fuckin love the ironfam so much 

 

**mia** _@missinginaction_

**@themechanic** glad you liked the puzzle!

 

**Alex** _@mynameisAlexander_

Yo **@missinginaction** Im supposed to be the puzzle guy

 

**mia** _@missinginaction_

**@mynameisAlexander** you were in a meeting, shush

 

**mia** _@missinginaction_

**@mynameisalexander** also Dad likes me better

 

**Alex** _@mynameisAlexander_

**@missinginaction** If he sees this its your fault and Im telling everyone that

 

**mia** _@missinginaction_

**@mynameisAlexander** lex he already knows we all call him Dad, he is The Dad

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@mynameisAlexander @missinginaction** if you guys are talking about who i think ur talking about i’m gonna scream 

 

**Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

**@acebase** If you believe them to be talking about me, you are correct; I’m almost 100% sure every employee at Stark Industries in Mia and Lex's department under the age of thirty refers to me as “Dad” behind my back, but only Mia and a few others have the courage to do it do my face. I love them all dearly 

 

**marie kay** _@panwithaplan_

ok everyone go home if you think you’re the best dad you’re wrong it’s tony stark

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@panwithaplan** thats tonys life motto tbh

 

**Tony Stark** _@IAmIronMan_

**@themechanic** Harls. Phone. Put it down. 

 

**harley ;)** _@themechanic_

**@IAmIronMan** ugh fine dad, bye twitter

 

**william** _@willnyethescienceguy_

**@IAmIronMan @themechanic** bye harley!

 

**fight me** _@ineedsleep_

**@IAmIronMan @themechanic** gah im soft

 

**Toit** _@StreetSmorts_

**@IAmIronMan @themechanic** The only father-son duo I stan

 

**Chocolate Donuts** _@ChocolateDonuts_

t o n y  s t a r k  i s u l t i m a t e  D A D

 

**ella** _@acebase_

_@ChocolateDonuts_ the message is true but that was so so ominous

 

**Chocolate Donuts** _@ChocolateDonuts_

**@acebase** i  a i m  t o  p l e a s e

 

**ella** _@acebase_

**@ChocolateDonuts** o,,,k

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y’all liked that, sorry it was short, tell me what you thought!
> 
> come yell at me on [tumblr](https://charliebradburyismyspirit-animal.tumblr.com) or [instagram](https://www.instagram.com/angxlsgrxce/)!
> 
> (ad, love you, we can do this.)


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